was cheating on you 5 years before during separation, then shes moves back in, 3 months of counseling, she moves out again...says she will get into counseling for 9 months and doesn't, pushes for a divorce but kept up the relationship for with me for 2 years after the divorce (I know it sounds crazy) all during while I was trying to reconcile, us being together with our son the whole time in two different homes, leading me to think that there was a possibility of reconciling, then cuts it all off abruptlty swearing there is no one else...then I find out the whole time she was with me she was seeing another guy and now she is marrying him this summer...and trying to move my son 2 hours away from me...also finding out that a dear friend of 20 years knew about it the other guy and never said anything to me during the affair...how am I supposed to be supportive of my son - getting to know this guy - he doesn't like him and he was instrumental in tearing our family apart? all this truth...
2007-04-21 11:30:18 · 14 answers · asked by RealEYES 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
comes out now...I end up paying attorneys after she tried for custody twice last year...hiding the guy...after the second attempt he comes out of the woodwork..and in the last few weeks I find out she was covertly being with this guy on a regular basis claiming confusion, and we can get remarried, annouces it publicly one year after the divorce...knowing how I felt about her and family, knowing she had no intention and I kept her alive going through almost $20K...stopping her from gettinf evicted...not knowing she was seeing this guy at the same time...helping her...and then she lieds in court to try to take my son away from me becasue she knew the marriage was coming down the pipe...how does one NOT get angry...how does one keep cool about all of this...fgor the best interest of my son whom I love very much and care for and now he is being thrown into this den of liars and home wreckers...low morals...and this new guy has alot of money...on top...she abducted our son 6 years ago.
2007-04-21 11:34:46 · update #1
Being mental as it was stated was an attempt to keep our family together with a woman who experienced 911 personally and went off the deep end...missed her home country and her family and ran with our son...I always believed that this affected her very deeply...but then I find out I was wrong and 911 had nothing to do with the abduction...she lept me believing alot of things that I had no idea was going on...I was trying to get her help...so does one just give up on a family in shreads or try to find a way to keep it togehter...and if so...how long does it take to put a family back into balance (Just a Thought)
2007-04-21 11:42:38 · update #2
For over two years on many weekends she would drop my son off with me gladly to take care of him and then go off to "be with our friend" and all along meeting up with this other guy...then would come stay with me for 3 or 4 days...then create a fight...two days later...back to me..me at her place...her at my place...all three of us together...that was my focus...my therapist told me "she is zig zagging...trying to find her way back to you...she will sned you through heL& but you will have to take what ever she throws at you if you really want to win her back...ALL along...her knowing she was never coming back but using me to stay alive.
2007-04-21 11:51:15 · update #3
and now she is taking my son to all the things that we used to go...all the fun spots we all visitied...restaurants, game plexes...movie theatres...parks...and he lives 2 hours away...staying over at her place duruing the weekends while my son is there...my son cant stand the guy...so he says repeatedly...but now every week for 3 months she hits me with something new about my son...accusing me of alienating him from her and her future husband...and my son says I don't say anything bad about her or him...I have asked to meet him...she denied ot for weeks...then agreed...the day before the meeting...she calls it off...I want to meet his guy...my son wants to live with me...he doesn't want to move away from me or his friends...she doesn't have to move...nothing about a job...so he should have to cimmute if he cares for my son not taking him away from me...I live 5 minutes away from him and we spoend alot of time together...I am in the 5% category who sees their kids alot...why must she do
2007-04-21 11:58:32 · update #4
It isn't up to your friend to tell you that your partner is cheating on you.
It sounds like you aren't over her yet. Try and work something out for the sake of your child, always talk civilly about her in front of your child, no matter what your real feelings. Kids often feel responsible when one parent is badmouthing another in a divorce situation.
2007-04-21 11:34:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She manipulated and manipulated, using your heart to her advantage. I am so sorry. Of course you are mad. Get a lawyer and go for custody of your son. Don't discuss this around him and try to put a good face on for him, but don't be anything more than barely polite with mom. We can't change what she is doing or what she did, but don't get tricked by her again. She played you and now you know it. Document all her crap and do not let her leave with your son. She needs to stay near you if you do not get custody so you can be active with your son. I would contest the move for sure or move too. Try to keep this as least disruptive as possible for your son. I can tell you want what is best for him and will keep him out of harm's way. Get a lawyer that will fight hard for you and spend the least amount of your money possible. These people treating their kids like badmitten birdies, shipping them back and forth every other day is not good for anybody. He needs a consistent routine, a dependable life, and the least amount of nonsense as possible whether he lives with mom or you. For his benefit, just be polite with the guy and her when you have to see them or have someone else do the picking up and dropping off. Make sure they are not bashing you either and if they do, take them to court. I am so, so sorry. I promise, with time, you will be able to deal with her with very little emotion or upset. In the meantime, keep your head, love your son, and don't talk with that woman about anything except your son and only that if it is necessary and important. Protect yourself. You know she is manipulative and a liar. Hang in there.
2007-04-21 18:58:03 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, been there done that! Difference was I really didn't care for my ex, so I wasn't hurt, just agitated and frustrated. She can't just take your son away. Have your attorney file for custody hearing if hasn't done so already. Where I live, you cannot just take a child two hours away from the other parent without good reason. Part of custody will involve your ex wifes new boyfriend, which will work in your favor. If I can give you any advice at all in short forum, DO NOT TRY TO FIGURE HER OUT. She has issues, I'm quite sure stemming from childhood, she always had them, they just came out as of the last several years. If you really look back at your lives together, i'm sure you'll see there were signs of insecurity and a lack of confidence, would be my guess. Feel free to email me.
2007-04-21 19:34:47 · answer #3 · answered by J D Jr. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that your ex has put you through this. What is important right now is your son. Forget everything that has happened in the past and concentrate on the present. Now, I recommend that you talk to a lawyer about your rights regarding your son, if you have not done so yet. Ask your lawyer if it is possible for you, your son and your ex to have psychological evaluations done to prove to the courts that your ex is not stable when you fight for custody of your son. If you have proof that there is another man in the household that your ex is cohabitating with (not married), I would present that proof to the courts stating that it is not a stable environment for your son.
You did not say how old your son is, but children instinctively know which environment is better for them. You need to fight for your son. Good luck!
2007-04-21 19:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Breathe.
I know how it hurts, but try to breathe for a second. As you might have realized by now, she is a controller, and has been controlling you and playing her game. Let it go, the biggest loss is for her, not you (wait until she shows her real colors to the new guy). If your child is your primary concern, find the meanest lawyer you can and give her as much evidence as you can. Keep a close relationship with your son, don't let this ugly situation stand in the middle of it. Try and remain civil in any case, for the little one's sake. There has to be ONE parent who remains coherent. Don't fight with her, fight against her through a lawyer, and see that your rights are respected.
There's not much you can do to suffocate the anger that fills you, but you should rejoice knowing she will get it all back in her face, sooner or later.
2007-04-21 18:43:41 · answer #5 · answered by AMBER D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a quagmire of deceit and despair. First realize that if not already she will soon be cheating on the next husband. Just don't let her further victimize you by being the one she cheats with. Doing so will only hurt you further and if your son were to find out it would cause him to have a false hope of a reconciliation. Distance you self from this woman. She is probably suffering from some metal disorder and she will only ruin you mental health as well. Concentrate on your relationship with your son. Show him your love and let him know that what has happened is not his fault. Kids tend to place blame on themselves and that would not be good.
2007-04-21 18:45:51 · answer #6 · answered by RUDOLPH M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a rest....you knew what you were getting back into before she came back...what did you think was going to happen...the leopard's spots were going to be transformed into zebra stripes???? You have only yourself to blame for this treatment. And forget about the "tearing the family apart" crap. You support your son because he IS your son..nothing to do with the ex wife..NOTHING! You cross her off as time lost, move on with your life and find someone to love you for YOU, not an imagined lover. Why all this drivel. Stop wasting time feeling sorry for yourself, it ain't helping you or the situation. Sorry to be so blunt, but...all this time you are throwing away will NEVER come back. IT is time you have thrown away for nothing. Get away from her entirely, heal up well, see a pro for help, then move on to greener pastures..the world if full of people who can love you and be true to you. OR, do you actually prefer a woman who hurts you to the core? If so, stay where you are and whine about it. Otherwise, get the hell away and get on with your life.
2007-04-21 18:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW!
First let me appologize for the female gender in general. I am sorry that you were so hurt and mislead by one of my own gender!
Second I am so impressed with your desire to try and keep your family together despite so many huge obstacles!
To try and tell you how not to get angry would be silly of anyone as it is a true, natural and understandable emotion in the face of what you have gone through to this point.
Please contine to love and support your son as you obviously are now!
You are doing what you can by fighting for you son.
The only advice that I can think of at this point, in your own personal hell, is to be the best father that you can. Support and love your son with all that you have. As much as you want to berate your wife don't do so in front of your son or anywhere that he may hear you. Do, however, find someone or some way to vent your anger and frustration in a productive way.
Getting to know this new man that may be a part of your sons life (at least for a while as she will cheat again) is one of the best ways you can to protect him. You know the old saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer!
Be physically and emotionally available to your son and be sure that he knows he can come to you with any concern or problem.
The biggest thing that I can think of for you to do is document, document and document each and everything that has and will occur so that in court you have dates, times and instances to bring up to show you would be the better parent.
As far as your "friend" is concerned it truly is not up to them to tell you about her affair. Personally I have been in that position and I went to the person having the affair and told them they had 24 hours to tell my friend or I would but that is just me.
I wish there was a magic wand to wave and make this all better but there isn't and it sounds as though you are doing all you can for the time being to try and make life tolerable for your son and yourself.
Once again I am sorry that you were hurt by one of my fellow females and hopefully once you have resolved this situation, your son is comfortably and securely situated in your home you will hopefully be able to love again.
Try to remember that there are quality females out there. (although you may not think so right now)
Hang in there and just love and snuggle your son as often and as much as possible.
2007-04-21 18:50:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she is unstable and you need to fight as hard as you can for custody. If the guy doesn't like your son he will make your son's like miserable if he is living with him. I would use this against them in court. Your wife doesn't have your son's best interest at heart if she is willing to marry someone that hates her child. As for your friend, most people will not tell the you if their partner is cheating on them because they don't want to be in the middle of the mess, and most people tend not to believe it when they are told.
2007-04-21 19:00:29 · answer #9 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be angry You got played. Take care of you and be the best Father you can be to your son. Be there for him no matter what!
2007-04-21 18:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by bmac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋