What did I do, What did I say?
What makes the pain return day after day?
What can I do, What can I say ?
To make the pain go away
Why does it seem to just be me?
Why does that have to be?
Why is there no way to see?
How to make the pain go away?
Why are there so many questions?
Soon there will be no hesitation
2007-04-21 11:30:05 · 11 answers · asked by phepho 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Honestly you could do better. your not really expressing but asking. not saying that asking isn't completely expressing but when asking you should offer assumptions. example
What did i do, what did I say?
I feel that my actions has caused me to stray.
something along this line. It is ok to express but you could dig deeper. You need to really feel the words.
2007-04-21 12:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is a good lyric poem. and it also would follow the pattern of a Shakespearean Sonnet if you added another four line stanza in the middle.
2007-04-21 11:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by hallucinatingcandles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a good poem and I understand you have some pain to express.
2007-04-21 11:39:23 · answer #3 · answered by sexy-star 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had me until the last stanza. The last was very abrupt and it seemed that you left something out. Otherwise, good start.
2007-04-21 12:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a radio pop song by somebody like incubus.....i think.....i also think that you could dig for your actual feelings instead of covering them up with generalized statements.....you need to let it all out if you want to help yourself.....i've been there, and i write....it takes time to find where you really stand inside and not superficially
2007-04-22 19:17:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
smiling is the best language
and i do believe u can talk better through ur eyes much more than english & any other languages
2007-04-21 15:24:14 · answer #6 · answered by chloe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is lovely. Keep up the good work.
2007-04-21 11:37:20 · answer #7 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i like it it's good for someone not good at writing you sure have alot to say here
2007-04-21 11:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by Juliaysha247 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you add more to the last stanza then yes.
2007-04-21 11:32:50 · answer #9 · answered by Ember 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's great...*sniff* i'll bet u will make a great songwriter or poet. that stuff is really, really good....*sniff!* ;-)
2007-04-21 22:01:50 · answer #10 · answered by tweetyfrog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋