is having kids a good idea?

Question

i see a lot of people who seem miserable with kids. also for a man having a kid can be a disaster since the woman could leave, take his kid, and then he has to pay her for it. ...plus with kids you have to give your life to them instead of living your own. im 24 now and not planning on having kids right this second. but i wonder if i would even want to. i see these guys in the stores with kids and they look miserable. ...what do you think?

Answer 1

by your question it seems that kids may not be for you--or atleast not yet! You have a lot of bad attitudes towards it. I have children, I am not miserable, my husband is not miserable either. You are already talking about leaving & taking kids, and child suport, & not having your own life. I would never think those things. & i even had my kids young, just out of college; 22. So i am not preaching and saying i know all. but i chose to have kids, i was in l;ove a great husband--now a great family, 12 years later. I htink you need time. & you cant go into it w/ so many negative feelings. It is good your thinking out i guess, but children & family corny you may htink, but they are a blessing! Life is great! wouldnt change it ever. & i still have my life, my life is my children, with my children. Good luck, & make sure you are secure w/ self, home, loving environment first--kids need a lot!

Answer 2

I am also 24 and I am by no means ready for a kid/kids. I still feel very immature and kiddish myself at times. Your feelings could possibly change with time, or they may not. I know people that never have kids and are fine with that. I know men and women who aren't having kids until their 30s, maybe even 40s. It isn't as unusual to have kids later in life than it was 30 years ago or so.

And yes, I do see miserable fathers, too. But, I also see some really happy looking fathers who enjoy being with their kids. But we all must be careful with what we see from one interaction. Maybe they were having a bad day? Maybe they were unhappy about something else- losing a family member or a job, perhaps? Or maybe those happy fathers that I see- are happy about something else.

You may not want kids now, but you might find your feelings for this to change. Don't beat yourself up either way. You will figure it out with time.

Answer 3

This is very debatable and I'm answering for the sake of fun...I think kids are great! Having kids is also you living on because the kid is your seed in the senses of nature and nurture. We mold our kids by discipline, experience, etc. Your kid is you and once you die that is what is left of you, and then their kids have kids and so on and so. Its a blessing to give life for this very reason. Having kids is all about timing!! For a guy, too soon could hurt your game and you might not be ready, if you wait too late, well the plumbing might not work if you know what I mean ;) If someone isn't ready to have kids: mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. Then having kids could be miserable. But then again, everything in life is what you make of it!! You can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven (John Milton, Paradise Lost). By the way I don't have any kids yet and I'm 27...yikes I got at least 4 more years to decide. lol

Answer 4

I think it depends. Some people are definitely not suited for kids and should not have them. But to be honest, I don't think you know until you have them. I was undecided on kids until my son was born, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, some people are miserable with kids. But in most cases, if you see someone who LOOKS miserable, they are actually just exhausted. I've had days like that. But that doesn't mean I would give it up for the world - I wouldn't.

Answer 5

That's really a question only you can answer. It's good that you're taking the time to think about it rationally.
Normally those who are destined to have children at some point develop a pretty prevalent yearning to be a parent, so I would say wait until it comes to you. But you seem to have a pretty good grasp on what you want right now, so I wouldn't worry about it just yet. If and when you do get the desire, you'll realize that the perks extend way beyond the negatives. Nothing compares to the love you have for your child. And for some, it is reasuring to know that they have yielded something that will last beyond them, and in a sense, make them immortal.
But the responsibility of a parent is not to be taken lightly. I wouldn't say you surrender your life to them, but yes, once you are a parent, you are a parent for the rest of your life.
So listen to your gut. And don't rush yourself. It'll come to you.

Answer 6

I think it can be a very rewarding experience to have children, however, I chose not to for several reasons. First of all, I am not physically able to give a child all the energy they need to take care of their wants and needs. Second, I am not a really patient person, however, I have been working on that for the past couple of years and have become much more patient than I used to be. Then, I am not in the financial position to raise a child without it being a huge struggle. My wife and I struggle financially due to our circumstances, but I wouldn't bring a child into the world and make them share that burden. My opinion is that if you want to have children and can afford to provide for them mentally, physically,emotionally and financially, then it's a great thing. People who bring children into bad situations are sefish. Just my opinion.

Answer 7

Having children is a personal decision; I believe not everyone should have kids. Some people have children because they feel that they should-not because they really want them.

You are young and it is perfectly okay to say that you do not want children now. You may meet a person that changes your mind and you may not. You need to know what is right for you. If you change your mind and want children in the future, then great ! If not, well, great too! Make the choice that suits you best.

Answer 8

Having kids is one of the way to gather nicest experience, develop sense of responsibilty, maturity and dealing with challanges, besides enjoying a fuller life. The problem mentioned of getting married, having kids and then separating with the liability of maitenance costs etc, is a real risk. The risk of having kids and then only bearing costs and hardly any benefit is higher is certain societies. This risk arises from the egoistic and oppotunistic chacter of younger men and women. It is better not to marry and have sex till both the parties are fully convinced that they are going to make their marriage a success unto death. Without such clearcut proof of chaceter and commitment for permanent relationship, there is no point in having kids. Only people who are willing and commited to sacrifice and ability to tolerate and endure for the sake of a successful married family life and a vow never to break relations despite all differences that may crop up, the risk mentioned remains. The solution lies in young men and women getting properly educated and skilled to handle marriage and kids. Getting married and having kids to benefit and enjoy, is no lid's play.

Answer 9

Just because people are miserable and they have children, it doesn't mean that its the kid's fault. It could be other things too. Children are lovable human beings who need love. If you raise your children right you will not be miserable. Think about it...If the world doesn't have children, the whole world will die sooner than expected. Children make the world go around. And people who hate children are stupid because everyone once was a child.

Answer 10

It really seems much more difficult to raise kids, nowadays. You'll have a lot of other children influencing them, BUT laws are much stricter on discipline, now. So it can get very difficult and confusing for the parent.