This is how it goes. My fiance shes 18 I'm 19 and she went to a club last weekend with one of her friends and her friend brought 2 guys Mike and Dan. Well she danced with Mike all night at the club. I was worried and all. Now Mike calls her about every da y and wants to hang out with her. I dont feel comforatable with this even though she says i have nothing to worry about, but she said this guy is Freaking hot and has a great personaltity he says he just got out of an engagement about 3-6 months ago he ahs a little girl 2 year old and hes 24 mind you my fiance is 18. like i said he wants to get to know her as a friend My fiance wants to hang out with him 1 on 1 and i don't like that idea i mean i trust her but i'm still worried. I told her that i couldn't sleep and eat because i;m so worried about this because some things have happened in the past that make me worried. I told her i didn't like the idea of another guy taking you out for dinner or anything. She got mad. What should i do
2007-04-21 09:16:50 · 9 answers · asked by DRaymo 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The first thing to figure out is what kind of relationship you're in. Is it exclusive? Or are you all dating other people? I know you said fiance, but if she's hanging out with another guy 1:1 that is "freaking hot" I think there's a problem.
Maybe ya'll need to consider not being exclusive. Date other people, hang out with friends and just have fun. There is plenty of time to get married and if she's rude enough to go clubbing and make you watch while she dances with another guy all night, I'd be concerned. That's just obnoxious.
Also, she should take your concerns into consideration and be willing to compromise. If she wants to hang out with Mike, maybe you can all hang out with him, but for her to be spending time 1:1 with him - that sounds like an affair waiting to happen. Worse - she's not considering your feelings.
When you're a couple, you consider what the other needs and wants and find ways to work it out together. To be honest, she doesn't sound ready to settle down yet.
2007-04-21 09:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My immediate thought was that you're controlling and need to lighten up. Then I read more.
Women who are ready to get married generally do not go clubbing with male friends, call them "freaking hot", and then think it's a good idea to hang out with him one-on-one. I'm pretty secure and not at all the jealous-type, but that's inappropriate for someone in an exclusive, committed relationship. If you two were just kinda dating and messing around, maybe there's room for clubbing and seeing other guys, but your current arrangements with her aren't conducive to what you're describing.
This behavior of hers is quite normal for 18-year olds... but not at all for people who are engaged to be married. She's not ready to be your fiance, or anybody's fiance for that matter.
You need to seriously consider breaking the engagement. By what you've said, I would bet my life savings that she's not ready for marriage and that things will end unhappily for you both if you don't rethink this.
And if you can go through with breaking things off, you should try to do it from a very confident, calm and thoughtful perspective. No need to accuse her of anything. She's being a normal 18-year old. It's just too early to be getting married and you need to either completely break up or at least take a break and both date other people.
2007-04-21 09:23:32 · answer #2 · answered by Buying is Voting 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to feel the way you are. But you two are to young to get married, she's only 18, she and maybe you also, want to experience more people. that other guy can easily talk her into having sex with him, cause she's really young which makes her even more golluble than your average 25 year old. Don't get married until you know you can trust her, I know you said you have nothing to worry about, but keep in mind she's 18 and easily influenced to making stupid decisions like CHEATING on her fiance.
2007-04-21 09:27:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right to be worried he is making moves on her and she knows it. You say you're worried because of things that happened in the past if you mean she cheated on you then she is about to do it again.
I don't think she is ready to settle down yet.
18 and 19 is too young to get engaged anyway.
2007-04-21 09:38:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do really its up to the girls what she wants it sounds like she wants to have fun before settling - hard as it is try & take a step back from the situation try & find other freinds to go out with as well as seeing her & then try & accept what will be will be but your life is just starting if this doesnt work out for you there will be someone else out there just waiting to meet you ...so try & broaden your horizons :-)
2007-04-21 09:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
id be a bit concerned to,its not right for her to treat you this way especially when you not eating or sleeping properly.you need to ask her if she still wants to marry you.if she says yes then you have to give her the benefit of the doubt.at least shes being honest with you.what you need to do now is show her that your the best fiance there could ever be.complement her,tell her you love her,leave her notes around the house etc,invite him round one night for drinks.then you can see for yourself if there's anything to be worried about.get your fiancee to set him up with someone.good luck
2007-04-21 09:45:49 · answer #6 · answered by fantasia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the last thing you want to do is marry this girl. If she really cared that much about you, she would only want to be with you and have eyes for you only. Let her make someone else's life miserable, cause that's what you're asking for with a girl like that!
2007-04-21 09:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by karenhar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's not ready to be engaged. Let her go. You can't hold onto her if she wants to be with other guys. You are both too young for a serious commitment.
2007-04-21 13:04:39 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to let it go for now. Let her live her life and have friends, and try not to worry about it. I know it is REALLY hard to do...
Here is what I am thinking. You are both really young. You allude to the fact that she might have cheated on you in the past... I hate to say it, but if she leaves you for him, then you will be free to find a girl who is not going to cheat on you.
Like I said, wait this one out and see what happens. Should she do something to hurt your relationship, it will be better for you to let her go. If not, then your trust in her will grow -sorry for the rhyme.
I know that it might not seem like it, but sometimes we lose the people who we think that we love (and we think love us) in order to find the people who we really love and who really love us.
Good luck.
2007-04-21 09:31:09 · answer #9 · answered by Only_my_opinion 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋