My sister's cutting herself?

Question

I have an identical twin sister and I just found out she's been cutting herself. She made me swear not to tell anyone. We have a twin brother too (we're triplets) and I'm not even allowed to tell him.

I just don't understand why she's doing this. She says she can't really explain why. She's had a hard time recently with one of our friends getting meningitis. But surely that's not enough to make someone want to do that?

Only one other person knows - her boyfriend - and he told me I should just leave it because it's ''not a big deal''. But I think it is a big deal. I don't want her to hurt herself. Should I try and get her to stop? Or tell our mum or brother? Or should I just leave it?

help!!

Answer 1

***************PLEASE***************

Dont listen to all the people saying "if you care about her, you have to tell someone"

I can guarantee they haven't been in your situation - if they had, they wouldnt be saying that. I have been in both your situation, and in your sister's.

IF you decide to tell anyone, make sure it is in complete confidence, preferably someone who won't even know your name (childline etc)

You are obviously the person she trusts most in the world, and if you break her confidence, she'll never tell you anything important again.

Most importantly, DONT WORRY, it is a big deal that she's doing it, but cutting and self harm DO NOT usually lead to suicide. Statistics show that the percentage of self harmers who commit suicide is NO HIGHER than the percentage of non-self-harmers who commit suicide.

The best thing you can do for her is try to understand - and get her to talk to you. Many people of all ages do it as a way of letting out anger, or frustration, or somwetimes it can be a cry for help. If she has told you, it is because she wants you to help her.

But the help she wants might not be you running to your mum.

I'm not saying it IS, but it could be that she has been abused, - the fact thats shes saying 'she cant really explain why' sounds to me like SHE knows, but is finding it hard to find a way of telling you - so make sure she knows that you are keeping this secret, just as she asked, and tell her that if she ever has anything else she wants to tell you, you will listen, and not tell anyone.

Try to talk her into getting rid of the boyfriend - he's not good for her. No-one who thinks 'its not a big deal' is helping the issue. it IS a big deal - but there are ways of dealing with it.

Once you have found out why she is doing it, she will probably stop on her own. or she might just pass out of the phase (which is usually what it is).

The most important thing is for you to keep her confidence, and make sure she knows she can talk to you about ANYTHING.
Talk to her reasonably - find out what she is using to cut with, make sure she is at no risk of infection. When you are talking to her about these things, she will realise that you actually understand what she is doing, instead of judging her.

Find out where on her body she is cutting - ask her, or even ask if you can see - it will be difficult for you, but it is an important part of helping the self-harmer to open up, which is the biggest step on the healing ladder.

Check out the website below for useful links to help sources, and please remember 2 things:

-She came to YOU for help - she trusts you.
-If you need to talk to someone, if you are finding it hard to deal with, THATS NOT BREAKING HER CONFIDENCE. It can be very difficult emotionally to deal with that kind of information, so if you need to talk to someone, do. just make sure it is in confidence.

Message me if you need to.

good luck

x

Answer 2

I'm 27 and when i was in middle school i was in a bad living situation. i started cutting, at the time i didn't know it was something people did when they were stressed. i had not idea why i was doing it i just knew for some reason it helped me. a friend told a school counsellor and she called my dad it didn't do me any good. but when i finally was away from the stress i stopped. i cut one last time a year later and almost hit a vein and it scarred me, i haven't cut in 12 years and have no intentions to do it again, even with a high stress job. but i also have my family and friends around me now more then when this was going on.

so tell your sister that it concerns you and let her know that you will tell someone if she don't go for help. she will not stay mad at you forever and may one day thank you. better safe then sorry.

Answer 3

First of all... Breathe and relax because I know these things come as a shock.

Next, talk to your sister, support her and then clear her room of all sharp objects. If she continues to cut tell her to tell your mum herself, if she won't and she keeps cutting you'll have to tell your mum. If you have some kind of support thing in your school try and get her to have a word with them, I did and everything turned out fine.

Just don't panic, everything will be fine, just check her cuts when you can, make sure they're clean, support her as she's obviously very upset about your friend. Also, try and get her listening to some music she can relate to because music always helps.

Just make sure she's got support and a reason not to give up on life. Because that's all people really want when they're in that situation.

Answer 4

I'm not saying it IS, but it could be that she has been abused, - the fact thats shes saying 'she cant really explain why' sounds to me like SHE knows, but is finding it hard to find a way of telling you - so make sure she knows that you are keeping this secret, just as she asked, and tell her that if she ever has anything else she wants to tell you, you will listen, and not tell anyone.

Answer 5

The problems is that by telling on her she may not trust you any more. Atleast she has plucked up the courage to say something to you. Better than her keeping it to herself.

Have you asked her why she does it? A lot of people do it as a physical way of dealing wiht emotional pain-physical is so much easier to handle isnt it?!) Be a shoulder to cry on, try going out together , having fun to take her mind off things.

I used to cut myself when I was younger...I hated when people found out-some were over sympthetic and kept trying to tell me to stop-I just stopped showing them that i had things going on in my head, and those that said "oh my god your so stupid" just made me feel worse about myself and the cycle continued.

Eventually I became happier in my life, things started to go right and I eventually stopped although. Now that Im happy and settled I look back and realise what I was doing to myself and those around...unfortunately it was a stage of my life!

Make sure she feels loved, wanted etc. Tell her it upsets you but u r there for her. Just watch out for signs of the emotional pain getting too bad.

Answer 6

Alot of people cut themselves to release tension. I'd tell somebody. your mom or even a councillor at school maybe. Your sister needs help from a professional and she could be too scared to say anything. I used to be a cutter when I was a teen and a friend of mine told a school councillor and that was the best thing that anyone could of done for me. I was mad for a while but I soon realized that she told because she cared about me. Hope everything turns out ok.

Answer 7

Definitely a big deal. This type of behaviour becomes difficult to overcome, and she will tend to use it whenever life gets tough. It is a coping mechanism. The feelings may have been there a long time, and this loss has made them unbearable.
Check out with Young Minds Tel: [phone] or web www.youngminds.org.uk
You won't be able to persuade her to stop - she really needs outside help. It concerns me that his boyfriend thinks this is not a big deal. He may not fully understand the seriousness of her behaviour, or could it be their relationship is not a healthy one. Is there an element of bullying or is he constantly putting her down?
Self harming can be a sign of low self esteem.

Answer 8

You sound like a very good sister to be so concerned. I have a pretty good idea of what your sister is going through because I used to cut myself. Chances are your sister isn't suicidal, regardless of what the people above me are saying about cutting "leading up to suicide". For me, there were times that hurting myself was the one thing that kept me from suicide, and this is likely also the case with your sister. My advice is to encourage her to tell your parent[s] or another trusted adult, but DON'T do it for her unless she has or is going to harm herself severely (by severely, I mean if she has an infection or is harming herself seriously enough to endanger her life). Encourage her to get outside help, but once again don't force her. Maybe take her to a school counselor, help her look for a support group like Self-Mutilators Anonymous in your area, or even take her to church. Also, educate yourself about self-injury. I remember that when I hurt myself, it stopped me from feeling, or at least brought my emotional pain to a bearable level. Your sister might also be doing it to punish herself, feel more "alive", or even to reassure herself that her emotions are valid (she may feel like she doesn't have any real "problems", so hurting herself is like reminding herself "Hey, I must really be in a lot of pain if I'm slicing up my body!"). The best way to understand her is to ask her. Ask her why she hurts herself, where she does it, when she does it, how it makes her feel, or anything else you're curious about. Asking her questions could show her that you really do care about her. However, if she is uncomfortable with talking about anything, don't push it. Give her space. It's also good to look up info from outside sources, because she might not have all the right answers. I have listed some good websites and books below. Last, but not least, don't force her to stop hurting herself. It may be all she has right now, and taking away her sharps or telling her you won't love her if she keeps up with her behavior almost always does more harm than good. But do encourage her to stop, or at the very least encourage her to be careful while cuts and to clean and bandage her wounds properly.

Good luck and God bless you both!

Answer 9

Cutting herself is her way of dealing with pain or hurt in her life that she cant cope with in any other way. The problem is cutting yourself becomes addictive and will get worse with time as she finds the physical pain is no longer enough to get rid of the emotional pain.

If she has let you know then I would say that she is now ready for help, she just may not be able to ask for it.

If you are not sure how your mam will cope with it then tell somebody else that you trust. You can not deal with this (or help her yourself) on your own.

Answer 10

You really need to tell your mum or someone else that you are close to. It is not fair to make you keep quiet about something like this and it is not fair to make you deal with this on your own. Your sister may just feel like this is the only way she can express herself so you should let her know that you are always there for her if she needs to talk to somebody.

I hope everything gets sorted out for you

Answer 11

She is probably unable to handle an emotional aspect in her life. The physical pain that they get when they cut themselves helps them with a release they can't get emotionally. The physical pain is easier to deal with than the emotional pain.
I took care of a woman for a while who had cut herself since she was very young. She only did it when there were too many stresses in her life. She just couldn't handle everything. She ended up being hospitalized several times over her life because she didn't get the help she needed early enough.
Please get your sister the help she needs.