i asked a question yesterday about divorce she wants to go slow in the divorce process and wants more or less?

Question

a separation with me in the house 3 to 4 days a week she states she will miss her life ie non working does what she wants i am always there to pickup the pieces when falls apart i feel like i am in limbo should i just divorce and sell the house she was all set to sell the house and mediate a divorce now it all seems to be on the back burner. she pretends to be nice i dont trust the sitution we have done marriage counseling she still states she is unhappy but likes her safe life with me should i just dump this mess - 17 years together with an eight yearold

Answer 1

What the woman proposes is that you both not tear up what you have worked so hard for. Why incurr the added financial burden of two separate households? Also, what she proposes is probably very acceptable to a young child. Kids don't care if you sleep in the same room, they just want their mom and dad. I repeat: they want their mom And Dad.

So ask yourself: can you treat the woman with common courtesy? Can you go about your day to day life without bringing financial ruin and emotional distress to these two? Maybe other people need to come before your wants this time.

Give her this, also, she is being honest. And in my opinion, acting wisely. But you can decide to rush things if you want. Figure out what child support is going to cost yet? What maintaining a separate residence is going to cost? What the added expense of daycare is going to do to "discretionary funds."

There will always be time to tear it up. See what you can maintain for now. And say thank you to the woman. She just did you a great favor.

Answer 2

I feel that she likes being in a safe life. To her, being married to you, everything was safe and life to her is a comfort zone. She's probably scared about her future, and having to finally be independent.
This quote here, "does what she wants i am always there to pickup the pieces" and "she pretends to be nice" and "she is unhappy but likes her safe life" all proves what i just said.
She knows you have always been there to pick up the pieces for her, and being on her own is scary for her.
Dont let her stay there and prolong the divorce. She's going to prolong it as long as possible until
1) she finds a new guy who will take care of her and let her move in with him so that she can use him
2) you tell her, if she wants a divorce, why prolong it?
3) sell the house if thats what you want to do, and pick up the pieces in your own life and try to move on.

You have been with a girl who needs men in her life to feel security and she needs to grow up.
Leaving now will force her to realize life and that she needs to start acting like a woman and taking charge of her own life.

Does she work? She might also be trying to get spousal support from you? Try to get her to get a job before the divorce process is finalized or you may be paying spousal support for a while.

Answer 3

It's not all about her it's about you too, if you both have gone to counseling and it didn't help then you did your part. Don't worry about her comfort zone since she obviously isn't concerned about yours. Do what is best for you and and if you want to sell the house then do so. The time for games is over and real life needs to begin. Let her know that the separation she suggested just won't work for you that maybe divorce is the only answer.

Answer 4

This woman doesnt know how to be married. Probally never did. She settled into a routine which you helped to create. You get married settle a bit... She goes crazy and you fix the problem. It happends over and over she goes crazy you fix the problem. She doesnt want a divorce because she is getting a free ride now. You fix everything and all she does is screw up. Forget about what she wants. She wants to take advantage of you. File for divorce and kick her but to the curb. Keep the house and keep custody of your child. Worst case scenario it forces her to fix her own life. Best case scenario you and your child can live a healthy normal life. Good luck.

Answer 5

I hate to say it, but your wife is afraid of standing on her own two feet but is ambivalent about being married to you. I would make her get a job first. Then I would put the house on the market so that when you do sell, she will be able to get on with her life. You deserve a wife who wants to be married and who will contribute instead of a wife who is only there because it is convenient and she hasn't found someone else yet!

Answer 6

No one deserves to be used. I would caution you as to what decision you make. It isn't good for your own self esteem to stay in the same house, "Hoping" that things will get better if you have already made the decision to get divorced. In my opinion, if you have already filed for divorce, would be to move out, or have her move out until you figure out your short/long term plans.

Here are some guidelines for sucessful negotiation:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_guide.html

Answer 7

She sounds as tho she may be experiencing her change of life period....which usually strikes in late 30's. Where as a woman one day questions, 'is this all there is?'
Whatever her problem, she needs to $hit or get off the pot.
.......And you need to let her know that you expect her to do just that. However, be prepared for whatever the outcome.

Answer 8

Don't waste your time with that bull, She just wants you to pay the bills, she does not want to stay together, she wants to hang on to you, until she finds another guy to support her. I would suggest getting the hell out of there as fast as you can.

Answer 9

Hell yeah dump that mess. She is using you til she can figure out something better. Don't be a fool!

Answer 10

If she is only using you then you would be better off. You deserve to be loved.