How Did Things Go So Terribly Wrong?

Question

My wife of seven years and I are seperating. We have four children and she refuses to go to therapy to try to make things work. She's become very distant, she will sometimes turn away when we embrace. Nothing and I mean nothing bad led up to this. We have had our share of problems in the past, but that was years ago. She works in an emergency room 50 or more hours a week. She does not go out much except to go to work so I don't see how she can be having an affair. Yet, she seems so happy like nothings wrong. I don't get it. I'm still so very much in love w/ her. I feel like crap all the time. I try finding out what's wrong she just says she wants space. Why? I treat her like a goddess. Why doesn
t she want to try to fix things when there's so much we have built together? I feel sick to my stomach over all of this. I don't know what to think or do. She no longer kisses me good-bye or calls during the day, what gives? She acts happy. I'm so miserable. What to do?

Answer 1

It could be that she is lookign for independence. She may have new career goals or looking to change something in her life that she is looking forward to. She could be devoting most of her mind and emotions to that new thing and letting the marriage slide w/o realizing. Or realizing it and justifying that the marriage would take too much effort and it wouldn't mix well with her new thing. If that is true, somehow she's forgotten or doesn't want to include you. It could also be that she feels the marriage has run it's course. Meaning that things are in a rut in her mind or feeling as though this is all there is. She could feel as though there's no romance. No surprises anymore. You have to be super sweet. Maybe she would liek to feel wooed again. Or could also be that she feels things are soo bad now that she doesn't have the strength to fix it. Too much work. Therapy would drag out every little thing wrong and it feel like too much work. And she could feel as though if she drags it all out, it'll hurt the children more. So she puts on a happy face and pretend things are good. It's much easier to ignore it and fake it than to face it. Or she is so stressed from work that she feels the marriage is like another "load" of work in her life. I would suggest scheduling a time w/her alone to talk. Somewhere comfortable for the two of u. Not in a public place. And a open forum discussion. Explain to her that you cannot walk away from this marrige until u feel that both of u have worked every angle. She needs to feel comfortable talking. Don't blame her but instead talk about how u feel. She will appreciate your openess. She will prob have a lot to say if she feels comfortable. It's prob a culmination of things. So don't put it all on youself. it's prob from years of stuff built up. I know it's hard but I've been there and it can work. Good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds liek she is only "acting" happy. prob. for the children. It also may be that she has fallen out of love with you. Sorry, but it does happen. It's sad to say, but women really do loose interest in things quickly. And just because she is at the hospital, doesn't mean she isn't having an affair. She could have met another doctor there. She wouldn't be the first that worked in an emergency room that did it! Just give her the space she wants. Don't push the intimacy as far as kissing and hugging goes. Why don't you surprise her with something such as a romantic dinner that she knows nothing about. even do this at home and send all the kids away for the night. try to be her friend, not the man she wants space from.

Answer 3

Four kids, a husband and 50 or more hours at a job that can not be described any other way except stressful!!! Wow, she certainly has a full plate. As for you, you have four kids, a wife and I presume you work at least 40 hours a week. You both share house/home work equally and you do periodically get away for a week-end just for the two of you.
Presuming money is not the issue for her to work such long hours, I'd say she is being emotionally fulfilled by someone at work.

Answer 4

I dont want to sound nasty, but she is growing with her life and maybe you arent the on the same page as she is. you may treat her great, but sometimes what a woman does need is that space tofigure out where she is and where she wants to be. You are miserable because she is distant. give her time, stress from work, there are many things that make us all distant from time to time. give her some time and if that doesnt work, move on yourself. Find a woman that does want what you have to offer. try not to look at it as a negative experience, you have learned many things in the years you were together. Good luck.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like she is probably just plain burnt-out. She works 50+ hours a week and has four kids! Maybe she feels too exhausted from everything else to put anything into your relationship. Have you thought about taking on more work yourself so that she can lighten her work load, or even stop working at least for a while? Maybe she has been telling you what's wrong for years and you didn't realize it. It's hard to believe that there were really no signs that something was wrong. Men and women really do speak different languages in a relationship. Just try your best, without anger or blame, to prove to her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your relationship. If you do your best and it still doesn't work out, at least you'll know you gave it your all. And please, don't despair, you have your four beautiful children to raise and nurture. They need you so much, you must be strong for them. Also, pray about your situation, it can really work wonders.

Answer 6

Wow. That is hard to say without knowing more. Could she have met someone at her job? Possibly she feels the relationship with you has gone stale? I know how you are feeling. My fiance cheated and claimed to be in love with someone else in just a couple days. He is back now and we are working on things but the shock remains. When he was in the midst of this affair, he treated me as if he never knew me and acted as if my complete disappearance from his life would be OK by him. I am incredibly amazed at peoples thought processes sometimes. If you need to talk, email me any time. I will say a little prayer for you that things work out!

Answer 7

How old were you and your wife when you got married?

I am sorry to learn about your pending divorce. I know how devastating it is to realize the end of a dream. You have made your wishes and love for your wife and family perfectly clear. However, you can not make someone love you by telling them the same thing over and over again. She knows how you feel. Now it is time for you to do what is necessary to stay healthy and move on. You don't want to hear this now and I understand, but there is life after divorce. It is painful right now, but just know if you are as good to your wife as you say you are and you are at fault for absolutely nothing, she will regret her decision to divorce. However, it is not for you to worry about what she regrets or wants at this point. You need to focus on yourself, keeping yourself at peace and doing the best for your children - and that includes staying positive as possible and healthy for them so that they understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with them.

Answer 8

Married 7 Years, 4 children...works ER 50+ hours per wk
...problems years ago...no social life.
I dont mean to sound harsh, but WHAT do you NOT get?
The writing on the wall should be jumping out at you.
It's obvious she NEEDS some space.

Answer 9

Sunshine, i'm so happy you asked this question. i replaced into making plans on posting a similar question, while yours popped up. sure - I even have had this happen. i conflict by it now. My husband and that i the two have been laid off from our jobs and our subject is getting desperate and slightly bleak. It has quite much been 6 months for me and nonetheless no longer something. I stay in Michigan and the financial gadget is merely poor right here. Jobs are scarce and it incredibly is perplexing. each and every now and then I overlook that it extremely isn't any longer all approximately me. i seem for God's grace in each and every lesson. there's a reason we are right here and he has a suitable plan for us. examining scripture additionally helps. I did have a particular subject some weeks back the place I went by 3 interviews with one organization and that they chosen somebody else. i replaced into so depressed and so offended with God. I had prayed till i replaced into almost exhausted. It replaced into all i might desire to think of roughly. God is acquainted with what we sense in the previous we even tell him. I talked to him approximately it. I instructed him i replaced into perplexed and offended. I felt like he replaced into punishing me. He is conscious. yet there's a continuously a reason. seek interior of your self and proceed to talk with Him - he will lead you the place you're able to decide to be and could on no account forsake you. it extremely isn't any longer for us to comprehend God's will. we are his toddlers, and he's our Father. so a techniques as your marriage, do no longer end trusting God or your instincts. He might have been the astonishing husband for you at that appropriate 2d; even with the undeniable fact that, we've unfastened Will. God won't administration us. issues can substitute time beyond regulation. possibly He has yet another guy in recommendations already who's suitable for you in each and every way. reliable good fortune!

Answer 10

Seperating and Divorce are two different things.

Seperating is still allowing room for HOPE in the marriage.

Something has to change. You as the man should assume full responsibility for your wife's Re-action. Something you did to her made her look the other way. Something you said to ther made her look the other way.

Find out, what really sucks about you from a true friend.