Cheating? What Would you Do?

Question

ok I have been married for 3 years, My husband and brother go out alot they go to clubs and bars -which is fine but last night when my husband must have thought I was asleep him and my brother and a few friends were having drinks when he called this girl he met at a bar one night and I heard him say he called her a few times so I got the phone and called her she said "your husband?" and said you better talk to him about that and so He said he never cheated and I do believe that but why the calls I yelled and screamed at him and told him If he wanted to go out and cheat to Divorce me first and do it now while were still young so I don't have to worry about this anyways I'm hurt and angry as any married woman would be so what should I do what would you do if you were in my shoes? Thankyou

Answer 1

Good luck - once the trust is gone it is gone.

Answer 2

First of all, I do am sorry that your having this issue with your husband. Why is it that your own brother is taking your husband to go clubbing in the first place, he supposed to know better and your husband supposed to be a husband and be with you. You have all the rights telling your husband if his going to be talking with girls, he needs to divorce you. Your trust is getting thinner right now and your instinct is telling you that something is going on behind your back.
Do you think that next time he goes out clubbing, can you follow him or you can ask him which place they are going to so you know where to call him in case something comes up. But instead go to that place and see what's going on. Remember women that goes in a bar or club are looking for a good times not just drink. Don't let him fool you anymore because you don't deserve this from him. Your a beautiful woman that do deserve better not this way,.........

Answer 3

First off your husband has no business calling a woman on the phone. Secondly his bar days would be over since he can't go into one without flirting with women and getting their phone number! Thirdly Women and drinking don't mix for a secure marriage. Fourthly...Your brother alowing your husband to disrespect you! He now walks the line and can do his drinking at home since he broke your trust. If he can't understand to do this tell him you are going to reconsider being married to him. As far as your brother tell him to keep his butt away from you untill he can act like he is your family.Do not tolerate your husband acting out like thisand put up the stop sign now!!! He needs to clean up his act and if he can't don't waste the rest of your life on him! Give him a choice one way or another and stick to your guns. If you don't you could be hurt and angry more latter when he picks up a bar fly and gives you a disease. Cheating is always a choice it isn't a mistake. He is going straight down the path of temptation and total destruction where his marriage is concerned. Don't wait untill the damage is done......take damage controll.........take charge of your life. You deserve more than the way he is treating you and you are better than that. Tell him enough is enough!!! Good Luck Sweetie.

Answer 4

omg..first off I am sorry you found out that way.

Now, I know it hurts like heck. here are a couple of things you need to put out of you head right now..

1. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
2. DO NOT LET HIM BLAME YOU

You have to tell yourself you are pretty, intelligent and strong. That this is something that you can overcome. Do not let it hurt you so much that it ruins future relationships friendships etc. That you have to power to produce postive thinking for healing.

After this it will behard to trust him. In fact, you can't. You will always wonder what he is doing every moment of the day.

IF, IF, IF he and you are going to save this marriage. He has to find that he was at fault, understand the pain he has created and be very, very sorry. In order to make up for it he has to earn your trust back. My suggestion is that he checks in with you calls you if he will be late. You have access to his cellphone and email address. So that he cant hide anything.

Now..not many couples actually recover..my husband and I did when he cheated on me 8 years ago. the above is what he did for me..it worked..but it took a couple of years for things to get back to normal.

If he is treating this like a game or that it didnt bother you.. You have to then see that he really could care less if he hurt you or not and that maybe you might consider divorcing him and work on your self..if he is not willing to work things out then you deserve much better and know that it was not a fly by night thing..that if conditions were right he would do it again.

Answer 5

My fiance just cheated on me. He even went so far as to become crazy infatuated with the woman. After he realized that she was far less than she claimed to be, he is now back and we are in counseling. Whether he actually cheated or not is truly not the issue right now. He obviously had the intention to do so. You need to insist that he enter counseling with you to discover what led him to decide that was an option. I predict that if you don't, you will be facing the same problem over and over again down the road. Good luck and try to stay calm. I know this is painful but most of us have gone through it. You are not alone. Take steps to make sure it never happens again! If you want to talk just email me.

Answer 6

The best thing for you to do is move on. Im not a big advocate of divorce, but if you arent going to be able to trust him, it will ruin the marriage and end up in divorce court anyway. I dont blame you for being mad, he knows hes married. Have you talked to him about it since Try talking see what he has to say for himself, maybe he just wanted to feel like a stud again, good luck.

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you are going through this, it would be so much easier if you had proof that he actually did cheat, then you would find it easier to through his hiney out! But regardless he crossed the line by even contemplating the idea. If you are going to stay with him the first thing he needs to do is stop going to clubs unless you and him go together. My husband does not go out with *The Boys* but I did catch him conversing on the Internet with some women. He actually gave his cell # to one. He claims it was all out of curiosity that he would never actually meet this person or anyone else. I was out of my mind with anger and hurt. Did I believe him? NO...Did I want to kick his sorry behind out? Yes...Do I love him? Yes, other than this **** he is my soul, my heart, my life.
and the father of our three children. After much fighting, crying and TALKING. (That is the key) TALKING and working things out, BUT... I still after a long time am looking for signs of infidelity, I hope that one day I will be able to let myself fully trust him again. I hope things work out for you, whatever you choose to do.

Answer 8

I would definitely be hurt, and would tell him this, but not yell and scream, that will only drive him away. Sit down with him and talk, and ask him what he wants out of your relationship, ask him if he is happy. Odds are he is just flirting first...to boost his ego, guys need to feel they are still desirable, and second...to make you jealous, this shows them that you find them desirable and love them.
Just take it one step at a time, and see what happens, but start by talking to him, and not yelling, that won't get you anywhere. Good luck.

Answer 9

Its going to take more than 3 years to change this single mans mind. In his mind he is still playing the single life. In his mind, he is only married when he is next to you. In his mind, he is undecided.

If he cannot face you to tell you that he wants more sex and from other women, then he's not going to be able to face the future financial challenges that await him.

In the future, you will be having to PLAY mommy for his financial failures.

Get out while you can and don't get pregnant by him.

Answer 10

I wouldn't put up with a husband that goes to bars and clubs nor would I think that was okay. That's inviting problems.

Answer 11

I went through this a few yrs ago. the mistress admitted they slept together and he Deny it. Well when she ended up pregnant. I left. I am now divorced.