I’ve been married for 7 years now and we have a 5 yr old son together. My husband travels every few months on business for weeks at a time leaving me to take care of the boy sometimes on my own. I not only have to put up with a 5yr old but also with my husband being away so it is any surprise I had a year long affair? I’m 31 and deserve a lot better. I don’t plan on telling him about the affair because I just know he’s going to try to make it out to be my fault. Why do so many people automatically assume it’s the cheaters fault for cheating?
2007-04-21 02:08:45 · 32 answers · asked by Tammy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your husband is making money to support you and your son and your cheating your a tramp.its that simple. you used that my husband is gone alot as an excuse
2007-04-21 02:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Because it IS the cheater's fault for cheating. He didn't make you do it, you weren't forced, weren't coerced, and you're making excuses.
Talk to your husband about the business trips, find out what can be done to keep him around more (if you even want him around - I'm doubtful that you do).
I had a one-night stand with an old friend that I've loved since before I met my husband - after 3 years of celibacy within my marriage (long story). Sure I have excuses, but does it matter? It was the catalyst to ending our marriage; a marriage that never should have happened in the first place; a marriage that had ceased to exist except on paper.
Although life is much better now for me and my kids, and something that was very wrong was set right, what I did wasn't right. Being used and ignored by my friend helped me also, even though it was incredibly painful. There is a right way to go about things, and a wrong way. And cheating is the wrong way. It isn't the answer.
2007-04-21 03:43:35 · answer #2 · answered by AnonymousGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was your choice to cheat. There must be more wrong with the marraige than his being away. My husbands been gone over three years and I have not. Not that Im saying you are bad, I'm just saying a man being gone doesnt break the feelings you have for him enough to cause you to have an affair. He is away working to support you guys. I wish that was my husbands reason for being gone. Your husband has good reason for not being there allt the time. I dont think his absense is the reason for your straying,I Think (and this is only my opinion) the problem is when he is home he doesnt make you happy. He probably doesnt give you the attention you need to keep you happy. If my husband didnt go out of his way to make me feel loved and appreciated the way he does I woulnt last either. His being away so much is alot to deal with in itself and he has to work harder when he is around to make you feel like his wife. If he made more of an effort to love you you would cherish it no matter how long he was gone. The fault you have is not trying to establish a more loving relationship by telling him how you feel. A marriage can always be fixed if the two of you communicate your feelings to each other and work on meeting the others needs. And you should always be honest. You shouldnt keep it from him, if you want to be with someone else you have that option, but its not fair to him for you to be dishonest. If you feel you deserve better then leave him, because you might but it doesnt take away the fact that no-one deserves to be lied to and cheated on. If you dont want to fix what the two of you have together you can leave. So if you want to fix the marraige your first step is to talk to your husband and cut out the affair,
2007-04-21 02:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by dydasgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Let me open your eyes a little. I was just cheated on by my fiance. I can first of all tell you that the pain is immeasurable. It is sad that you cannot grasp the fact that the cheater is ALWAYS to blame. The reason for this is that there were other options. One is to address the problems in the relationship and do your part to fix them. The other is to leave the relationship prior to committing an act that is so cruel and destructive. Your husband was travelling for work in order to support you and his child. I am certain that, given the choice, he would rather have the luxury of staying home and enjoying life. You made a committment to him and took vows. It does not state in any vows I know of that finding somene else is acceptable if things don't go exactly as you planned. Would YOU be comfortable if your husband had cheated? You state that you are 31 and deserve a lot better. I beg to differ. It is your husband that deserves a lot better.
2007-04-21 02:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you know his not doing the same thing when his away on "business"? If you love him still and feel guilty then i guess there's a little blame there but ultimately noone made you do it so accept some responsibilty for having the affair. But if your not happy why stay with someone who's barely there. Your only 31 your still young enough to find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated and you could always try and tell your husband how your feeling.
2007-04-21 02:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being faithfull means you will be faithful period, it doesn't mean you will be faithfull as long as it serves you. You sound very selfish and I think you have no understanding of marriage vowels. Think of all those military wives that their husband spends sometimes 8 months to a year oversea they are left alone with the kids and responsibilities and YOU think you have it hard!! Your husband is out there making a living for your family and it should be his fault if you cheat? You need to wake up and have a long look at yourself in the mirror.
2007-04-21 02:44:44 · answer #6 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are to blame for cheating.
Your son should be a blessing to you, yet you claim to "have to put up with" him. Your husband goes away on business to take care of you and your 'family' (using that term loosely, of course).
It's no surprise that you're having an affair because of your immature and selfish attitude, not because you have a life and a family.
You don't deserve the man you're married to and he does deserve to know the truth. What about you makes you think you deserve "better"? You're too old to be so stupid as to think any sane person is going to agree with you.
2007-04-21 02:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by Bobbie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How long has your husband had this job? Has he always travelled? If so, you knew. There is no excuse for cheating. Sorry. It is wrong. If you had a problem with him travelling, you should have talked about it. Yes, it is your fault. Who else can you blame? You consciously made the decision to cheat. I don't understand....maybe I never will....how someone can sleep with another person if they are in love. Maybe I'm old-school, but there is no excuse for lying down with another. It's against all morals......read the bible. That's what's wrong with this world nowadays. No morals.
2007-04-21 02:56:29 · answer #8 · answered by Sue S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are cheating, that's a choice. You can choose to get counseling for the marriage problems, or you can choose to be eventually caught, and destroy the marriage. You can choose to say, "I am better than this, and choose to live my life so my child can look up to me," or you can choose to have your son find out when he's older, and lose his respect for you. You can choose to respect your vows of marriage, or choose not to. And ask yourself one question: if you find out that your husband was cheating on you, how would you feel? Another question: if the affair is so great, why hasn't the person in question asked you to leave the marriage, and go with them? Third question: if you are "putting up" with your child, why don't you just leave your husband and child and choose to live your own life? I'm not trying to down you or be judgemental; I'm just trying to let you see what the choices--and consequences are. Good luck and God bless.
2007-04-21 02:20:17 · answer #9 · answered by Judy W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
because it IS the cheaters fault for cheating
just because your husband went away doesnt mean he stopped loving you - it IS your fault because you only thought of your wants and needs and not about how your husband felt being away for so long. If I were you I would tell him that way he would leave you and find someone who wouldnt hurt him the way you did.
2007-04-21 03:04:25 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Sabre♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, no. this is one of those posts someone puts up to get a flame response because they think it's funny.
Do people REALLY think this way? I can't say it as good as the folks about me, but the thought process here is mind-boggling. This chick probably watched the video of the Virginia Tech kid blame others and nod her head, thinking, "Yeah, they DID make him pull that trigger."
It's your fault.
Let me say it again. It's your fault.
No one MADE you do it. You failed your husband and he deserves better than that. He leaves his family for stretches of time to ensure your livelihood, and you turn around and shove a knife in his back. That's not fair for him or your son.
If he cheats on you, is it his company's fault, since they sent him away so often? It probably is.
2007-04-21 02:20:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋