In your experiences, do men or women deal with break-ups better?

Question

As a guy I think us men are scared to show many of our emotions. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and it affected me a lot. However, since I didn't feel comfortable talking to our friends about my inner pain, it just kind of built up and burned a whole inside of me. As a result, my work and social life were negatively affected.

What have you observed in your life? Do men or women handle break-ups better?

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so many great (and similar) answers I couldn't decide, but I read all of them and thank you all

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Answer 1

I haven't been seeing any chromosomal advantage either way. You either have good coping skills or you don't. That's a nurture platform, not a nature platform, as it would be a survival skill of sorts, and we know that humans are the most vulnerable at birth of all living things, we have to be taught EVERYTHING.

Answer 2

It you define "dealing with it better" as meaning "processing the breakup in a healthier way" then I would say women win here. My observation is that usually a woman dealing with a breakup will go through the grief process in a straightforward manner. She'll cry, talk to her friends, figure out what went wrong, etc.... and then she'll move on. A man, however, will more often immediately look to get into a new relationship to make himself feel better. Or he'll run around and sleep with a bunch of women. Or whatever. So it looks from the outside like he's not upset--but really what he's done is run away from his feelings. I think this explains the phenomenon of men who try to return to their former relationships after several months only to find the woman is long gone. She's worked through it all while he has been busy avoiding his feelings.

By the way, unlike other answerers, I do not think that the initiator of the breakup necessarily deals with it better. It's simply that the initiator has been thinking about the necessity of ending the relationship for a longer time, and thus is further along with the grief process. Also, to the extent that there are children involved, the person who leaves may actually have MORE to deal with, because of the guilt.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

In my opinion, it's usually the one who breaks up with the other that doesn't "suffer" as badly. Men usually handle the break up better only because they feel insecure if they show their emotions to others. Women, usually don't care if they show emotion. They tend to tell anyone and everyone how they feel about anything and everything. I should know, I'm a woman. LOL Anyways, if you are having second thoughts about your "ex" girlfriend, you might want to rethink your decision to break up with her. Maybe you have feelings for her that you didn't think that you had. Or, maybe you are insecure enough to think that you can't find someone else, or you dont think that you are good enough for any other woman. Hope this helped a little bit!

Answer 5

Hey there, sorry to hear about your delima....remember though, that there will be another girl someday, someone who is better for you in so many ways and you will feel better about this break up. Use the experience to learn about relationships. You will be a lot better for it!!! This I promise you.....since you asked, here is my take on your question:

If the girl breaks up with the guy, and he's not ready for it to be over, he will have a hard time with it. Guys don't get much sympathy from friends/family when they are hurting and that's wrong. If/when he comes to terms with the break up, realizes that there's a better girl for him out there, guys can really do ok and move on pretty well, not looking back or second guessing themselves.

Women talk to everyone - friends, family, manicurists, hair dresser. They get out their emotions and ask everyone's opinions about the situation and what they should do, etc.

I will have to say, that in my experience, the one being "left", whether man or woman, always takes it the hardest if they weren't ready for it to be over. Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. Women just have a better support system - usually.

One of my friends' had her boyfriend break up with her last November and here it is April and she is still having a hard time with the rejection. She used to talk about it all the time but now is trying to move on. Her ex has a new girlfriend (no he didn't leaver her for another woman) and he is happy as a clam.

The one that does the "breaking up" has already come to terms with the relationship being over so they have worked it all out in their own mind.

I hope this helped and I hope that you will feel better soon. You sound like a pretty good guy, smart and all. I think you will start feeling better quicker than you thought. Good luck.

Answer 6

They both take relationship breakups hard. Women just show it more, usually because it's how society has come to look at them. Men do take a lot more of a beating by it though, because society has come to look at them as the strong type who doens't show emotion. So not only do they have a pain of a horrible break up, but they also have to keep it in, or be called an over-emotional baby by fellow males. So, both take it about the same. Men just feel the emotions more acutely quickly, while women take some time for it to build up.

Answer 7

I think men deal with it better, by and large.

Both men and women feel the pain of a breakup, and while women tend to talk more about the pain they feel, that doesn't mean talking about it makes the pain go away. Oftentimes, it just makes us focus on it more and dwelling on the situation often gives it greater magnitude. Also, talking about it a lot or dwelling on it negatively affects our work and social life as well.

Men may feel the pain very deeply but they tend to try and do things that distract them (at least temporarily) from the overwhelming feelings of hurt and loss.

This is actually a healthier way of coping, and a better way of handling that pain. IMHO (LOL)

Answer 8

I just read the article on Mens Health about this which said that women take a breakup better. I dont agree. This is another generalization.
Both suffer, and suffer badly, or one can move on , or both can move on after a short period of time.
It is all individual coping skills AFTER the breakup that we are keeping score on. Again, different folks, different strokes.
Women do tend to do housecleaning of their emotions by talking about how you (the male) treated them badly ever since the beginning, she never knew then, etc. Female friends will give a sympathetic ear (there, there, you are much better off now, etc etc)
What do guys do? The damdest things. Which is another word for their general coping skills.
In the end, both are scarred forever. Or not. We all pick ourselves up and move on. Cie la vie.Such is life.

Answer 9

It really depends on the individual & on circumstances like who initiated the break the man or the woman?

But you right, in general, men tend to be more precarious than women in case of break ups for the following reasons:-

1.Men Mask Their Pain whereas women let it out

When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. After that, it burns him from the inside because men tend to repress their emotions.
Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup and get this episode out of their systems earlier.

2. Men Have Fewer Friends than women
Women have a more widespread support network , including mothers, sisters, hairdressers and others, to whom they are able to tell about the jerk who let her down.
The only pretext the poor guy has to reveal his emotional problems to his buddies would be in front of 2-3 pints of beer...

3. Men Hate Starting Over
A guy will find it very to attain the same level of comfort he achieved with his ex because he has a natural tendency to give up himself to her. This implies losing a bit of himself every time he embarks in a relationship.
Women are more secure in that sense for biological reasons.

Answer 10

I dare say it would be a same same situation.

It depends also on who seeks help and who doesn't, as well as who is used to carrying on after heart break and knows how to go about doing so.

I am of the later group. Admittedly I have never been in a relationship, but that does not mean I have not suffered heartbreak in other ways, mainly by people breaking my trust. Still the way I go about it is to give it as little focus as I can. I find other things to do. In my "alone time", and there is a lot of it, I work through what it is that is upsetting me, till eventually it does not seem like such a big deal anymore.

Answer 11

After tonight I have an entirely different perception of this. My father in law is divorced from my mother in law, and remarried. He has 5 kids with my mother in law, and 2 more in his new marriage. He hasn't had a close relationship with his 5 children from his first marriage, because my mother in law took them away when they were really young. But when my husband was 16 he decided he wanted a relationship with him and has been close to him ever since. Tonight, he took every single emotion he was bottleling up for years and exploded. He's completely drunk and threatening to end his life because he misses his children. All of this tells me that men, regardless of if men keep their emotions bottled up, their emotions still exist. It just takes a mental effect on the person much later, whether they realize it or not. Although women tend to explode in the moment, it relieves us in the moment. So, I think men take it a little worse then women.