scared to come out....?

Question

ok so i am 22 yrs. old and i am almost positve im gay...ive never been with a girl, only guys...and that was only because i kept trying to tell my self i wasnt gay...but i know i am..and i know if i came out about it i would be soooo much happier, but im so scared that my family and friends would push me away...and plus im scared of rejection...can someone please help!

Answer 1

I've yet to hear of a coming out that wasn't difficult...so if it is any consolation at all, you aren't the only one going through this. I know, doesn't help does it?

Seeing as you believe it will make you happier, think of it this way...is it really going to be any easier one year, two years, ten years down the road? If anything, it will be harder, the longer you wait. Ten to one, your family will eventually get over it. But either way, why are you trading your happiness for their ignorant bliss? If your friends push you away, I don't know why you would ever want them as friends...I'm assuming these are the rejections you are talking about. Because yeah, you'll come up against some crazy anti-homosexuality type folk, but you'll also meet a lot of great people.

My advice? Look up your local LGBT center and make time to drop by and visit. There will be people there to talk to, and help you through this time...plus, you'll make some friends there, so you'll have a door to step through if your world does decide to crumble a bit.

If you're too scared to go, they have a phone number that you can call, totally confidential.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for you. Because believe it or not, YOU deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else.

Peace be with you, sending best wishes your way!

Answer 2

Ooo - usually, if you have to be in their house and you think they will freak out...you should keep it under wraps. If they are cool about your social world and do not pry into your social life, then the chances are that on some level...they already know. But knowing and being ready to deal with it are two completely different things. So, it pains me to recommend this - but "don't ask, don't tell" would be prudent. If they make inquiries, just be non-commital. You do not have to fabricate anything for them, but if you are still kinda young, you can feign not being ready for a serious relationship and leave it at that. Of course, if they have a foreign exchange student coming to stay with you in the "boys" room...you might need to mention some discomfort with this and spill things to them. But that is pretty remote, eh? So I would just avoid the discussion without seeming disrespectful - if they get really prying after you move in...I would say things like "Look, things are just complicated for me socially, I would rather not discuss it." And see how that goes. Or say "nothing much is going on, I am not seeing anyone right now" if that is true - whatever keeps the peace, as it were. without creating a fantasy.

Answer 3

Coming out is always scary, whether you're bi, gay, or lesbien. It makes it ten times worse if your family is all into the religon factor of its wrong and all that. The best I can say is to just tell a few people first, people who you trust, and then tell a little more people, and a little more. I agree with everyone else that true friends will accept you for who you are, not what you are. And as far as the rejection with your family, that's a risk you have to take. But trust me, its like my mom's friend says "you'll be surpised at a mother's love". I certainly was when I told my mom I was bi. I thought she would flip out and hate me, she just told me to sit down and she gave me a hug, and told me she'd love me no matter what.

Answer 4

Any real friend will not push you away, you may loose a few people, but they weren't worth knowing in the first place.

Coming out is one of the best things you will ever do, but it is also one of the most difficult. Tell your Mam first, Mams are usually easier to tell, then both you and you Mam should tell your Dad, it'll be easier when you have the support of one parent to tell the other, you could do it the opposite way round, you know which one of your parents is more likely to support you.

Don't just tell them out of the blue, make sure you introduce the topic of homosexuality in conversation, if they know you have been thinking about it then it'll be less of a shock.

Friends are easier to tell, don't make it a big deal, don't sit them down and make a big speech, you don't need to. Just tell them while your on a night out or something, totally casual, just like you'd tell them that your getting a new haircut, if you don't make it a big deal then they wont.

good luck xxx

Answer 5

I'm 20 years old. I came out three years ago and it was the best decision I could do. A little background on my family... my moms side of the family is from the bible belt, my dads is narrow-minded hypocrites. My mom said that it was cool with her, we are actually going out to a gay bar in Portland when I turn 21. The only one that had a problem was Aunt Connie, I am going to have her committed when I win the lottery. My dad I think is okay with it, don't talk to him much. My grandmother on my dads side wouldn't like it one bit, so she doesn't know. I think that you will find that the people who love you will keep loving you no matter what.

Answer 6

Coming out is scary. Your real friends will accept you for who you are and so should your family. You will only be rejected by people it wasn't worth knowing in the first place. Do it in your own time though, it is fine in the closet if you want to stay there for a while longer. Come out when you are ready.

Answer 7

You are who you are and you'll fell liberated by coming out. The downside is that some people are going to disagree with your personal choices and may alienate you at first but most of my gay and lesbian friends who have come out told me that there parents were the most difficult. They will get over it - after all you are there son and they should love you no matter what.

Answer 8

First, be true to yourself.

Second, try going to your local GLBT area, see what it's like.

Third, get some therapy, especially a GLBT therapist who has dealt with coming out issues specifically.

Fourth, understand that it's a process, take your time. Don't rush yourself.

Do what's right for you.

Answer 9

Mate, it is a scary episode, but take heart, I have been involved with a few young guys ( and these were aged 15-17 ) who were afraid of coming out, but they confided in me and we sat down and talked about letting their parents and close friends know. They said that they couldn't do it, but I then explained to them that they had confided in me about it .
This gave them confidence and i told them that the best time to do it was when they were confident with themselves, when they realised this they told their parents that they wanted to talk to them about it that night, and you know what?
Everyone they spoke to understood, and said those magical words, ' we Still love you".
You have done that very same thing, you have confided in everyone who reads this post, mate, your next step is to tell those that you love, after all they're there near you, every one of us who have read this, are all round the world.
It is scary and the butterflies in your stomach will get bigger as you prepare yourself to tell them, but do it now buddy, and you will feel the Ecstasy of freedom for doing it ,knowing that you still have the support and understanding of those close to you.
Go for it brother and the best of luck and warmest wishes to you.

Answer 10

You need to make that step on coming out, do you have a friend that's a girl. come out to her. and come out slow to folks, and the will love you for who you are