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I am running out of them. First person to tell me one I haven't heard that makes me laugh gets ten points.

2007-04-19 18:51:30 · 15 answers · asked by bubbacornflakes 5 in Entertainment & Music Polls & Surveys

15 answers

what is the definition of mixed emotions?

seeing your lawyer going over a cliff in your new Porsche.

2007-04-19 22:49:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three--one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.

Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.

There are two kinds of lawyers -- those who know the law and those who know the judge.

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

2007-04-27 18:27:49 · answer #2 · answered by heavenboundiwillbe 5 · 0 0

A lawyer and his driver are driving down a country road in his limo when they see two men on the side of the road eating grass. The lawyer tell his driver to stop and ask them why they are eating grass. When the driver returns he tells the lawyer that they are hungry and have no food and that's why they are eating the grass. The lawyer invites them into the limo saying that he will take them to his place and feed them. The men are very grateful but tell him they have wives and children. The lawyer says that's no problem and picks them up in the limo as well. One of the men says : ' You are a very good man. Thank you for all you are doing.' The lawyer replied: 'Think nothing of it. The grass around my house has got to be about 5 feet high.'

2007-04-28 01:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by John M 7 · 0 0

What do you can a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a snake? I brake for snakes.

America is such a nice country it's a shame all the attorneys have ruined it-Winston Churchill

2007-04-27 22:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by Grateful Jerry 4 · 0 0

Whaddya call a busload of lawyers going over a cliff? A good start.

2007-04-28 00:28:09 · answer #5 · answered by Jacky Shecky 3 · 0 0

Two lawyers walking to court . One says to the other "Hey,let's be totally honest with each other". That ended the conversation.

2007-04-27 17:10:26 · answer #6 · answered by Ronnie 4 · 1 0

2 Lawyers walk into a restaurant,sit down at a table and open their lunch bags and start eating. The waiter comes over and says" You cant eat your own lunches in here!"
So they swap bags...

2007-04-27 22:52:47 · answer #7 · answered by Car L 2 · 0 0

What is the difference between a Hooker and a Lawyer? A hooker will stop taking your money after you are dead.

2007-04-27 20:18:14 · answer #8 · answered by eizus28 7 · 0 0

Aren't all lawyers jokes? HA!

2007-04-27 12:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by Aaron Hall 3 · 0 0

What is something a goose can do ; a duck can't do; and you wish your lawyer would do?

Answer: Stick his bill up his @ss.

2007-04-28 00:47:46 · answer #10 · answered by missellie 7 · 0 0

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