unfaithful spouse?

Question

If your spouse cheat and you just cant get past the hurt...should you leave him or her. If he or she does want to talk about the affair because it has a way turning into a big disagreement where know one wins. You find yourselves fighting alot. The other spouse want details of the affair but think it will hurt to much. When they become inimate he tries new positions which lead her to think that is what he did with this other woman. Please tell me what you think.

I first want to thank everyone who answer the question. My next turmoil is my husband ex whom I want to know what look like. You see she lives in the same town I live; well the thought of this person right in my face and don't know it or she knows who I am leaves a unpleasant taste in my mouth. A little part of me want to hear her side of the story. I can tell you that this person said she didn't know he was married. I want closure if this will help so be it. I go back in forth with wanting to stay with my husband to just packing up my stuff and going but things are that easy when you have a young child. I pray to God for some guidance with my tough decisions that I must make.

Answer 1

I think that if you forgave someone for cheating then you're saying that you've forgave that person and is willing to go on with the marriage. However, one might need closure by wanting to know the details and I think the cheater should tell that person. Of course it will take time to heal but if you want to make the marriage work you will.

Answer 2

I am in the same situation at the moment. you didn't say how long ago you found out but i found out my husband had been having an affair 5 months ago and i have been trying really had to work things out, i know what you mean about the new positions and all that stuff. There are so many unanswered questions that go through your mind and visions of them together.They actually had sex in my house which i just can't get over. I have realised now that i am never going to get over the hurt and betrayal so i think the best thing for me is seperation from him. Everybody is different with the way they handle things my advice to you is go with what you feel and when you are ready you will make the right decision. Be strong.

Answer 3

You tried to make your question too universal. Confused things a mite.
Ok if I deciphered right, your husband cheated on you. You want details on the affair, but think it will hurt too much, and talk on it turns into fights. You are further worried that new sexual actions in the bedroom are derived from this affair, and so want nothing to do with them.

OK let me see if I can offer some advise based on my assumptions of your situation.

You have been betrayed and hurt. You have chosen to accept or deal with the pain and want to salvage your relationship. Be aware then that this IS your choice, it may help you deal. Your insecurities are natural and to be expected. After all you were betrayed and trust will be difficult.

Do not let this other person threaten you. If your spouse has new moves, do not even concider that another may have taught them. Enjoy them if they are enjoyable. Researce some new moves of your own, and throw them in. (http://www.sexinfo101.com/)
In this way you will end up owning the new moves more than the mistress may have.

You have made the choice to keep your spouse. Bravo!! Do not allow yourself to be the victim. Your spouse wandered and have shown themselves weak and unworthy. Still worthy or not, you have decided to keep what is yours. The only way that other skank can win is if you let them.

Answer 4

Trust has been destroyed, and perhaps a professional may be able to assist in the direction of forgiveness and acceptance. If this isnt possible, then the marriage is doomed.

Answer 5

the road can be rough and rocky----communication would be the best way to heal the wounds-----no necessarily about the past but more of the future-----with some promise of better days ahead----as for the new positions---that would not necessarily mean he picked them up from anyone else-----it could also be a sincere attempt to try to spice things up a bit.

Answer 6

I would not even think about having sex w/ him. You are obviously depressed abut the situation. Having sex while depressed just leads to a deeper depression. I would leave at once. There can never be trust again.

Answer 7

Mia--a cheat is a low life, insecure, disrespectful, hurtful, stupid, immature, creep--and he probably contracted a disease--so get away and stay away--you can do better unless you have some kind of issues psycologically---I mean why else would you stay???

Answer 8

i think if the other person doesnt want to forgive the one from the affair, and holds it over thier head forever, and cant let it go... then the realtionship is doomed.

Answer 9

everything becomes suspect...nothing remains the same...if things can't be civil and eventually improve, which I didn't feel my marriage would do, one must move out and on for the sake of happiness...or to lessen the sadness of it all.

Answer 10

definite i grew to become into and it grew to become into for my sanity. He as quickly as advised me i may well be killed if I ever left... so he at one factor had a girl pal flow in with us for over 5 years. He grew to become into additionally very mentally abusive... he advised me he grew to become into with the mafia, not something grew to become into ever sturdy adequate... he theory love had a greenback sign and could desire to purchase my love. The day I left, he grew to become into at artwork... I got here to words with demise and correctly-known it as a threat. i grew to become into between the fortunate ones to flee... that's now 4 years later. the better area grew to become into looking my smile... see... a grin brings all sturdy issues your way. i might by no potential cheat returned... I pray for people who're not solid like i grew to become into.