Any advice?

Question

Well I have been very happily married for almost seven years. My husband just left me 11 days ago. He says in the last month or two he hasnt been happy. I do not understand this, because he has seemed just fine. He refuses to see a counsellor and I know this is not another woman. Can anyone offer advice?

Thank you all for your comments. Well I have to disagree with a lot of what some of you have been saying. I do know without a doubt it is not another woman. me and my husband have talked a lot in the past 11and I trust him completely. He says he needs to work on him. He says he thought our marriage was as perfect as they came, untill about a month and a half ago. He suffers from depression and had went almost two months without his meds. I think this has a lot to do with it. when you are depressed you look around you and think that is what is wrong

Answer 1

No. But I know this, it's not your job to make him "happy". Happiness comes from within. He has an underdeveloped emotional vocabulary if that's the best he can do. He isn't telling you everything, and I don't know why.

Your jobs as a married couple are to be healthy, confident, flexible enough to forgive the small stuff but not so giving you are a doormat and don't stand up for yourself, pursue your interests and develop them, be affectionate, and ocassionally romantic... all while maintaining a generally positive outlook. You must also respect yourself and him and demand respect.

it's not your job to make him "happy", whatever that is supposed to mean. He's speaking gobleygook.

Answer 2

They all say it's not another woman. My ex did too! (There WAS another woman, of course.) It's safe to assume that there IS another woman, and move on. He will regret it later on, but by then it will be too late. It's hard tho, really hard. I'm sorry this happened to you. My ex walked out, completely out of the blue, after 5 years together (3+ married). I still remember what it felt like, and it's been many years. You have to put it behind you - things will never be the same between you two even if he does come crawling back in a few months. I got an apology from my ex sometime later, but it didn't matter anymore, I had moved on. I am now re-married, very happily. I wish you the same.

Answer 3

I can only imagine how you are feeling, but a lot of times, men are very good at hiding their true feelings. Evidently he wasn't as happily married as you thought. And just so you know, don't ever think that there isn't someone else, because most of the time, not all cases, but most, if you leave for no other explained reason.....it is because there is someone else. I hope for your sake it isn't, but I thought my ex would never look at another woman, I thought he loved the ground I walked on......boy was I wrong. Maybe he has a lot on him right now, sometimes people need some breathing room......but just don't sit back and wait to long while he moves on with his life, you deserve better than that......good luck sweetie

Answer 4

Clearly he has been unhappy for quite some time, that he says it is only a couple of months is an attempt to be easy on you. That you didn't see it coming is a sign that he is right in how he feels. You should have known he was unhappy, you must not have cared or didn't want to see it. Either way it worked out the same.

That he refuses to see a counselor isn't unusual, most men correctly realize that they don't work even if women don't want to face reality about that issue.

You have few options. Either wait and see if he changes his mind or go forward and don't look back. You do need to come to understand what you did wrong in order not to do the same with your next husband.

Message me if you need someone to talk too.

Answer 5

(my thoughts) if a person is on meds for whatever reason, the body and brain get accustom to the change. when everything is going o.k., and they stop taking the meds, u throw your whole system into a tail spin. some meds should never be stopped abruptly. now the body is without the meds that were a help before and can change your personality, put u in a depression, or even make u feel like your whole world is upside down. try to get him to take his meds, or even see if he will go see his own Dr. if u love each other, it will survive, and he will see that. be there for him and keep the lines of communication open.

Answer 6

Anyone who walks away without even trying is probably seeing someone else or hoping to see them once they leave you. You don't just leave! He will, of course, find a way to blame you, and you will believe him because you're probably a sweet, kind hearted woman. You see a counselor, whether he does or not. You need all your strength and wits about you as you face this thing he's created.

Answer 7

Its called the "7 year itch". Most couples go thru this but dont leave each other. You need to try new things together. Whether hobby wise or sexually. Things usually work out if both parties are agreeable. Good luck!!

Answer 8

it pretty obvious things have been bad for both for years..and neither have put enough effort to figure out or recognize just how bad things are...and that may account for the lack of effort to come to any reasonable resolve to this...sounds like the two of you were just existing together...regardless of wanting to remain together you both need to get a life before it all passes you by.

Answer 9

I'm kinda at a loss if he's not even willing to talk about it. You can't do anything to make him want to get back together. I have absolutely no idea. Maybe you should talk to someone about this more indepth.

Answer 10

It sounds familiar to what I experienced.Don't say it's not another woman.I never would have guess it but my ex had another woman.A man or woman doesn't leave for nothing.You need to rethink your situation.