My husband does not talk to me about anything going on. It makes me feel almost like a bad person. When we have problems he runs to his moms house or calls her in the phone, he never talks to me how do i change this.it makes me almost hate his mom because she tells him just ignore the problem it will go away. Is she not supposed to be the person that tells him go home and work it out if you want it to work?
2007-04-19 12:23:22 · 14 answers · asked by Jessica U 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is immature.He needs to grow up and be a man.
2007-04-19 12:32:22 · answer #1 · answered by Teresa 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
People have different behavior. There are mamas boy, and really there are too many of them.
Normally, these people need help or a problem solver for themselves. If there is a problem he looks for somebody who will help him and one who is proven to have helped him. Your husband may be the only child or the youngest child or whatever who is weak. If you can show your ability to solve the problem he will stay with you always. This means that if you are not a working wife, it will be better for you to be one because your husband's attitude is one of being dependent. Try to look for a work that at least will make you financially stable.
Moreover, you have to find out more about your husband's attitude but not exactly asking him. You need to observe him, check his hobbies, likes and dislikes, inkling to gambling, ladies, drugs, borrowing money, etc. if you still are not aware of those.
Sometimes, his mom does not have the capability to solve the problem and it is natural to say that the problem will go by ignoring it. As wife, if you feel stronger in some ways you can help him more. I think the reason for him not consulting you or asking your help is because he can feel that you can not help him. May be his problems are your problems which you are tossing to him. Do not be a part of the problem or cause of problem.
If you are capable of solving problems you can start to help him without telling him that you are helping solve his problems. So it is better to be financially able.
2007-04-19 13:22:52 · answer #2 · answered by PJA 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How long have you been married? If not very long, I can understand it. He has not made the adjustment to being married. Mom was always there for him. Did he do this while you were dating? Did it not bother you then, but now it does?
If you want him to change it, you need to talk to his mom. Follow me here. You need to call her and say, "Mom, please, if (insert your husband's name) talks to you about our problems, please tell him to talk to me instead." Not the most appealing thing to do, but unless you put your foot down, you are going to be miserable.
A marriage is about compromise and communication. If one person is not doing either one, it will make the other feel alienated (sound familiar?) and pushed aside.
The problem will not go away. The longer a problem lingers the more lkely it is going to make one of you pop and create a huge fight.
He needs to understand that you married him to be with him. Better or worse and the whole nine yards. Guess what? We are at the worse end of things and he is running. Sit him down and if you have to, hide all the phones in the house, hide the car keys, and make him listen. Chances are a fight will ensue, but he eeds to know how you feel.
Good luck
2007-04-19 12:34:05 · answer #3 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He still runs to mom because he forgot to cut the apron strings. He doesn't remember that he made marriage vows to you, and that you are now his family. You're also right to say that his mother should be telling him to go home to you, and to discuss it with you.
Knowing that he does this, you need to find out why he does that. Does he go to her because she'll listen and you won't ?
Or, does he go to mom because you get upset with him, and he doesn't feel that he can open up to you ?
Be sure there's nothing in your character that makes him avoid you, and work on letting him know that you love and trust him, and would like for him to do the same.
2007-04-23 11:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by Tweety 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she Is supposed to be the person that tells him go home and work it out if you want it to work. And that may very well be an indicator. Maybe he thinks his Mom knows everything. Or maybe he just doesn't want to fight with you and is looking for someone to be on his side. Either way, if the problem is with you and him, he needs to realize it gets bigger as you add other people, including Mom. have you ever seen people get into an argument in public? When someone intervenes ultimately one of the persons will say"its non of any body's business". Truth is, when you hang out your dirty laundry, its every bodies business. He needs to realize he is taking the dirty laundry to Mom's house, and it seems he expects her to clean it too.
2007-04-19 13:04:16 · answer #5 · answered by dayhawk4 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My first husband when I was very young did this. He even called her when we had a fight to come over and intervene. I had a mama's boy on my hands. Needless, to say he became my ex fairly soon. We tried to talk about it but it always still wound up the same. There isn't much you can do.
2007-04-19 12:51:11 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I dealt with this same thing for 10 years. His mother knew everything and was always right and nothing I did was right or good enough. I finally divorced him and where did he go? Back to live with his mother!
Have you been to counseling? It may help him see what he is doing wrong. It didn't work in my marriage, but it is worth a try. Best wishes.
2007-04-19 12:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ terry g ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe its the way he was raised,talk to him and tell him that he can trust you and you are more than willing to listen up to him and help him in all aspects,Try to find out through his past his reasons for acting up like a mamas boy.Try talking to his mom to help you deal with the issues and most importantly pray that the Lord will help you with your task as a wife as well as your husband
2007-04-19 12:29:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree with what Just a Friend wrote. He surely didn't change the day you married him. Get some marriage counseling and see if there's something you're doing that makes him not trust you with problems.
2007-04-19 12:35:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Because you married a mommas boy. If you wanted a man, you should have picked one.
You have no one to blame for this except yourself. You knew what he was like but foolishly though he would change for you. Men don't change. You now have only two choices: either divorce him or accept the fact.
2007-04-19 12:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He was probably breast fed until he was 10.
Later comment: Notice how everybody has gotten a thumbs down for their answers. Is nobody's answer worthy of a thumbs up?
2007-04-19 12:28:39 · answer #11 · answered by Millionaire in training 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋