I'm 31 and my wife is 28. We have been happily married for 4 year now. I've always loved kids and get along very well with them. Everyone tells me I'd be a great dad and all.
But I'm scarred to have kids. I see so many couples get divorced after having kids and my own parents divorced 6 years after I was born, although they should have divorced at 3. I know that if I don't have kids I'll be missing out on something very special, but I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it. My wife wants kids. She's very supportive of waiting until I'm ready but If we never had kids I'm sure she would be disappointed. For her sake It would be selfish of me not to have kids.
Anyway, I've received alot of good answers from this site and was hoping that you all could give me some advice.
Thanks
2007-04-19 10:28:11 · 15 answers · asked by KN 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like you do, but nothing is wrong with waiting. I am 28 my husband is 31. We have been together for 9 years, married 6 1/2. We still don't have any children. We want some definetly but I am the scared one. I have seen how it changes peoples lives financially and emotionally. I love my time alone with my husband, don't get me wrong. But I will say as the years go by, I am really starting to get that mommy need, I sometimes feel it so strong, and then other times I am way off. We decided to wait another year or till i know i am completely ready, however everyone says you can never be ready for kids. Our plan is to wait another year and pay some more debt off, and then just get off the Birth Control and let it happen when it happens.
I guarantee you'll be just fine, you love kids now, but everyone i know that has kids says you never know love like you do for your own children, its nothing like the love you have for your wife, or anyone else, its completely different and overwhelming.
2007-04-20 03:45:52 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having kids is a bad idea. The problem is, most people don’t realize that they have a choice in life not to have them. My life-long girlfriend and I are not having them. I had a vasectomy at 21, and she was sterilized at 27 (before I met her). We have a dog, and that is just fine. We have more money than people whom have kids. We have more spare time also. Today I am 40, and she is 36.
Think about this. If you start now, the earliest you can have two kids is by age 33. That means you will 50, and still have kids in the house. Keep in mind that every aspect of your life is going to change (that includes your relationship with your wife). And it does not end when they move out.
Just think about all the factors involved, and then ask yourself if you still want kids.
Just do a Yahoo search on the subject “Childfree” and do some reading. You will see that there are a lot of couples that just say no to kids. There are clubs for the "Childfree", and even group rate vacations.
Also consider the fact that you are risking the health of your wife if you have kids. Keep in mind that you will be taking a pretty big risk doing something you will regret when your first child turns 13!
Look at all your friends whom have kids. What happened to them?
Having children is so overrated. Don't waste your life on it. Don't complicate your life like your parents did.
2007-04-19 13:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Marvin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't let your past history with your folks stop you from having a great oppurtinity and experience with you and your wife.
I can relate with you...I don't want to get married because my parents were divorced and my I saw the way my mom fell apart when my dad left...That is scary...to put so much love and depend so much on one person...wow...then in an instant you can loose everything...
I don't want to have kids either because I'm also scared...I'm scared that I'll be a single parent or that I can't give my kids what they deserve.
Though if my apportunity came to be happy then I'm taking that risk...and I rather take a big risk that can make my life happier or always live with regret!
Yes it will be hard, yes there will be challenges but this things don't kill you...they only make you stronger!
Good luck!
2007-04-19 10:34:59 · answer #3 · answered by lotsofluv007 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to have kids and you are deeply in love with your wife I believe it would be a good idea to do so.
Divorces don't usually happen because you have kids it is usually other underlying issues.
If you work on your marriage after you guys have a baby just like you do now, then it should work out just as well then as it does now.
My husband and I have a 2 and a half year old child and we are even closer now than we were before he was born.
I would say go for it!
2007-04-19 10:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by bravokardia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a VERY personal decision. I commend your outlook and wanting to do what you think is best (for you and any potential children) and not just getting busy having them because you are biologically capable of fathering them.
This is something you and your wife will have to work out. I'm 42 and knew when I was quite young that I just didn't want any. I've never wavered or regretted that, but that's been my feeling since I was a teen. I've always known I desired to remain childless. I was clear about it with every guy got serious with, so there would be no hoping I'd sway. My first husband left me because I wouldn't change my mind (kids aren't something you have FOR someone else).
Do what feels right for you.
2007-04-19 10:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your life will completely change with the arrival of children. You will no longer have time to do anything you want as parenthood is a compete sacrifice. Sometimes this is for better, and sometimes for worse. Only problem is there is no way to know ahead of time.
Children are grossly overrated. The life force sucking, money eating, crumb crunchers are way too much work. You are better off living a happy life and making your children having friends jealous....I know of what I speak.
Oh and one more important point, you will be kissing your sex life good bye!
2007-04-19 10:36:00 · answer #6 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have ever seen a movie Rent a Kid? It is a good comedy.
"A salesman, looking for another way to make money, comes up with a scheme to rent orphans. A young couple deciding whether or not to become parents rents three rambunctious orphans to help them decide....."
You may want to live with little kids for a while (they could be your niece and nephew), you will be amaze what you find.
2007-04-19 11:10:10 · answer #7 · answered by XcuseMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You take the plunge and travel in planes despite hearing these crashes and plane disasters every day ...
cz you're unsure about the future..
don't let your fears stop you from enjoying life...
life is short , Enjoy it..
children are angels ...
(N.B: remember, you'll not be pregnant for 9 months, you'll not deliver a baby and you won't feel the pain! , it's your poor lady who's gonna suffer!! ).
best of luck
2007-04-19 10:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by Meonthkiolla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi Fluffy! LOVE the amazing little penguin. I (the human at the back of this cat) have not got little ones nor do i pick little ones. that's a mutual settlement between my husband and that i through genetic malformities on his ingredient and particular condition on my ingredient that could preclude us from having babies. i don't be apologetic approximately it. I incredibly have pets as a substitute (for this reason i like the penguin) and that they are basically like human babies, yet you do not could deliver them to varsity or difficulty approximately drug or alcohol habit. different issues stay the comparable. Potty coaching, way coaching (which some people do not even get), obediance coaching (returned some people are without). you may take them to the scientific expert whilst they get ill. you may freshen up after them. you may watch them so as that they don't get into stuff they shouldn't. you may safeguard them from predators or different vicious human beings or animals. you may play with them and elevate them properly. you may feed them accurately and beware in the event that they get fat. make useful they get adequate excersize... the mum instinct in me says I could have pets so I incredibly have some thing to nurture. useful, strolling stick bugs do not pick THAT plenty nurturing, yet they are incredibly cool! I want you the excellent of success alongside with your destiny human babies.
2016-10-12 23:24:25 · answer #9 · answered by carolan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this sucks i always wanted kids and could not have them .you dont want kids and can have them ,where is the justice in that ..i adopted,and you aare missing out on alot,and these kids and i do not have the same genes.it is awesome to see a part of you in a child,you are scared i cant believe it is selfishness.i hope you cahnge your mind,dont wait till your to old to enjoy them..make her happy,i guarantee you you will be happy too...good luck
2007-04-19 10:36:11 · answer #10 · answered by pattialfy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋