I was just recently married and i cant help but feel insecure because i hardly see my husband because he works and then on his off time either hangs out with his boys or visits my inlaws.....what should i do? I feel like he needs to mature and leave parts of his past behind so that we can start our new life together. i want more time with my husband but i cant help but feel like im the one being selfish.....any advice?
2007-04-19 10:26:02 · 21 answers · asked by Cookie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, I commend you for putting your marital woes on the line. Not many newlyweds are willing to do that. You're not wrong about him being immature, but you're not being very realistic either. Marriage doesn't change maturity. Talk to your hubby and have a plan of what you are going to say. He might not respond to your being lonely. He might take that as a personal attack. Be truthful and try to work out a compromise. Let him to out with his buddies as long as the day before or the next day, he spends time with you. Or you can devote a day a week to couple day. One week you do what you want together and the next what he wants together. This way you still get time alone and you both feel like your getting your way and he will still have time for his friends and mom. Hang in there, sweetie. The first year is awful. You are still getting to know each other and learning how to fight fair is a pain in the butt. Learn to pick your battles and have a game plan before you talk and you should be fine. Good luck and congratultions on your new marriage. Men are a pain and women are irrational (I can say that, I'm a woman) but it's the best feeling every year when your anniversary rolls around and you know you survived another year.
2007-04-19 10:41:15 · answer #1 · answered by Kennedysma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk 2 him see if you guys can put aside some just the 2 of you time. If he fails 2 comply hun just wait cause in a few years he will tire of it and then be home with you ALL THE FREAKING TIME driving you insane on a constant basis and he still will not be spending quality time with you lol.....
Seriously though dont sweat the little things and this is little compaired 2 some of the issues a newlywed has 2 work around. try to make it worth him staying home(wink, wink) have him invite his friends 2 the house do cookouts what have you, um invite the fam over more if that is what he likes...Also do some stuff on your own more....But do sit down with him and ask for a night or two a week or what ever you want. You 2 will come 2 a compromise because hell you love each other and with that anything can be worked out with good communication and friendship.
2007-04-19 17:38:36 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, there is nothing selfish about wanting to spend more time with your husban, so don't feel guilty about it, sit him down when you get a moment and let him know how you feel, don't mention your inlaws and don't mention his friends, make it about you's, he might not realise it and thinks he is giving you space for some reason or another. You could even come to some sort of arrangement, like you go along with him or arrange nights just for you two like the movies or dinner.
Well I hope I have helped and I wish you all the best. Stay calm
2007-04-23 08:04:21 · answer #3 · answered by uniqueinspirations 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hangs out with "his boys"? Goes home to mommy and daddy? What is he....12? You married a juvenile who isn't even close to being prepared to step into the role of adult husband. He couldn't have changed over night so what part of this behavior did you not notice prior? Express your feelings to him but I don't think he's ready to grow up and be married. I would try really hard not to get pregnant by him either.
2007-04-19 17:36:19 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh god another newlywed that read too many Disney story's, and watched too many chick flicks. Look Spend all the time you can with him. Let him be his own man. Being married doesn't mean you drop the other parts of your life and your soul focus is your spouse. Make sure you don't nag him completely out of your life. Good Luck
2007-04-19 17:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're not selfish at all. Afterall, he is YOUR husband!! Did he not just vow to spend the rest of his life with YOU?!?!?!
You need to sit down with him and talk about this. Nothing is going to get accomplished if you continue to let this happen!!
YOU are his family now, and he needs to respect that. What's the point in getting married if you never see each other?
2007-04-19 17:31:41 · answer #6 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish, he is. However you are asking him to change what he is, and that is not right. If you didn't like the way he was, it's your fault for thinking he would change just because he married you. You need to either accept his traits or find someone new.
You should have thought about this BEFORE you got married.
2007-04-19 17:30:35 · answer #7 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there done that. After a month or so after our wedding day I sat my hubby down and told him how I felt and he started making me his priority. I in turn didn't have a problem with him going out with his friends once in awhile. We have now been married 36 years and he chooses me over all friends and family. Communication is the key to a successful marriage.....
2007-04-19 18:22:19 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, go with him. If he doesn't want you to go along with him, then he's weird, and you shouldn't have married him. What do you mean, leave parts of his past behind? Just because someone gets married doesn't mean they write off the rest of their family.
2007-04-19 17:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by Jenintn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to make this marriage work at all, you need to learn to communicate with him. He can't read your mind and if you don't say anything, he will think everything's fine. Tell him you need to set a time for just the two of you.
2007-04-19 17:32:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋