Everyone keeps saying give it more time, how much more?

Question

I'm seperated from my husband we were talking and seeing eachother until last night, I dont think he understands marriage is a two person deal, he wants it t be all about him. Plus I'm pregnant, so it will be a three part deal. But people say give it time, but I hate feeling rejected and unwanted. I tried to move back in but the feelings of rejection and unwantedness was to much, my emotions were running high.
How long will this last . Does anyone have advice on seperation, how long were you seperated, and did it work out ok?

Answer 1

My husband and I separated and ended up on the brink of an ugly divorce....fortunately we reaised we were hurting and got some marriage counceling before we threw it all away.
You need to get counceling and if comes along great, but being pregnant is hard enough with out all this.

Answer 2

It lasts as long as he lets it last becuase if he's communicating to you that you are unwanted by him then ultimately he's in control of how long it lasts. I've seen marriages where the man is so "me-me-me" and even say things like "I put you first" even though their actions show something completely different. Have you tried counseling? Separation will keep continuing as long as you two don't hash out what's going on. Either he recognizes things he needs to change or he doesn't. Counseling could really help otherwise things will keep rotating in the same pattern even if things do get good for a week, 3 weeks or a couple months. Separation only works if you're still actively working on the marriage. You have a baby to think of now, good luck!!!

Answer 3

See a counselor or take a marriage weekend. If he won't go, it's over. So seek out a counselor lawyer and proceed with the whole thing. Don't stop once you start. Protect yourself with credit cards, etc. He will be responsible with the child's upkeep. Plan on a 50/50 visitation and keep it fair and have a contract to make him adhere to it. If he doesn't pay most states will suspend his drivers license. Find a good lawyer and let him/her know your wants and concerns.
My thought; No one deserves less than love in a relationship or rejected by the person that shared the creation spirit of their married love. Time with stubborn or abusive partners does not come back unless they both go to counseling. Abuse is never allowed! Unwanted and staying together is wishing for the sky, it won't happen! Blessings on finding your inner strength and dumping him.

Answer 4

Sounds like you gave it your best shot! I normally don't advice divorce unless someone cheated, but in your case it looks like you've exhausted just about all you can do. Listen, no more waiting. It's time to act! If he needs one last chance, give it to him in a ultimatum. You're a nice person. Now it's time to not be a nice person! Think of the baby! Do you want this child to have a fickle relationship with the father? Maybe he'll stay, maybe not. NO! Give this child some foundation! Even if it's the foundation of a single Mom! At least the child will not be confused. Take his buns to court and end this thing! If in the process you can scare the living day lights out of him with alimony and child support so he wants back real bad, then so be it! That's what you want isn't it? A reaction one way or the other?

Answer 5

Look I totally understand about the rejection and unwantedness. You've been going to counselling, what does this guy say? Mine says you can't rush things. I've been separated for 6 months now. We've both have been going to counselling together and it's been working. I'm frustrated too b/c i want to get back together. I'm working on my issues and owning up to my faults. That's the only way things are going to change. Change has to come from within, it can't be forced on anybody.
I really feel for you especially b/c your pregnant. Pregnant women are not normal to begin with (nothing personal). The hormones make people different. That's got to be hurting you.
For things to change, you have to focus on the reasons that led up to the original separation. Going back too soon can end things for good, sometimes. So it's good to stay separated until things are totally 100% o.k. Now, if he asked you to come back and try to put all of the blame on you, that's not good. I honestly don't know what to say b/c I'm not in your shoes and don't know all of the details. But do not separate unless you really want to. Don't do it to ellicit a response from him b/c it's manipulating. You need to decide what's best for you and the baby.
I know separation is tough. To make it work, two people have to make it work. Not just one. One can make a divorce. I really hope it works out this time for good. Please tell him couselling can really work if given time.....He's not considered a failure if he goes, he's a failure if he doesn't try to make things work. Good Luck and God Bless...

Answer 6

I won't tell you how to feel. Is it possible that you're reading too much into his actions? I think that's what people really mean when they say give it time. Sometimes During the first few yrs of being married, the couple tend to nitpick, things where in later yrs you don't look to close, you're more excepting of your spouse. Could this be what's going on with you right now? I always preach "never let anyone treat you in a way , in which you don't want to be treated" But sometimes you have to look real close at what hoops your asking the other person to jump through for you. Good Luck

Answer 7

I felt bad for you. I think you should leave him alone. Right now, you need to take care of yourself and your pregnancy. He is being selfish and all he think right now is himself. The feelings of rejection and unwantedness is very awful. You owe it to yourself to think about only you and the baby. If he thinks only about himself right now why would you be thinking about him? It is not worth it. Pay attention to your baby and if it is possible ignore him. If it mean to be things will work out between the two of you. If not, you have a baby that deserves your love and can love you back.

The majority of separation that I know of always ends-up in divorce.

Answer 8

My understanding is that most people once they are separated are more inclined to divorce than work it out.

One person cannot make a marriage work, no matter what the effort. If your partner isn't being just that it may be time to find someone who is. It's certainly more difficult with a child on the way but maybe it's better to divorce now than later.

Answer 9

Dear may b u r over reacting bcoz of the changes of ur hormons???? But if not then I think u should give a tight kick n ur husbands bumb. coz this is d time when all womens needs their husband or partners .Reject him b4 he do. Stay seperate atleast 4 3 months ,if he really loves u then he will beg to u n say sorry. Seperation works , when there is love alife between them . Staying seperate they understand d importance of their partners n their life.

Answer 10

My separation worked out wonderfully! I left my husband on Feb. 18th, and by March 18th I had met the man of my dreams! I was remarried within 6 months. But I'm not one to separate just to "think" like some do. If I leave......I'm gone....
Once I'm pushed to the point of walking out, there is no going back for me. Maybe it hasn't gone that far for you, I hated my husbands guts when I left, so there was no more hope.