What do I do?

Question

It's not that I want to die. I want to live so much. But each day I hope that this is it, that I won't have to deal with my life any more.
My life isn't horrible. No one makes me miserable. I do it to myself. I ruin things for myself and I disappoint every single person I know. I can't stand the person I am now.
I try to change. But the truth is, I have turned into this horrible person that I hate.
I attempted suicide twice, but I didn't want to die. If I did, I would have done it the first time. When I feel like I can't take it, I swallow tylenol pills. I hope that I'll fall asleep and not wake up, but of course I do.
I need a break to just deal with myself. Away from everyone else. But I can't get that here on earth.
I don't know what to do. I can't keep living like this. I won't. It isn't fair for me to be like this.
I told my mom. She knows pretty much everything. It's no big deal to her.
I won't call a hotline. They aren't right here to help me.

I'm 17. I've been to therapy once. Hated it. It felt like they tried to convince me that I was insane.
I don't have a counselor to talk to at school. She cares about the school's reputation, not about the students. If it doesn't have to do with school, she doesn't want to hear it.

Answer 1

http://www.girlpower.gov/

Answer 2

Here's what you do- get outside your own head- you're in there too much. You should try volunteering for people who really do have problems- cancer patients, homeless people, disabled veterans, etc. If you are around a lot of REAL pain and suffering, whatever problems you have in your life will seem trivial by comparison.

Curios, too, that your mom doesn't think your 2 suicide attempts are a "big deal." I think you suffer from symptoms of clinical depression. You should seek the help of a therapist or school counselor, and maybe some meds might be in order.

Answer 3

First, get a paper bag, blow in it. Close it up tightly. The air you just blew in the bag is all your negative feelings and depressed state of mind. Now throw it away. This is the first day of the rest of your life. You will not reopen that bag nor will you keep it. From now on you will think positive and say positive things about yourself. In fact I would like you to emai me 10 things you like about yourself today. And do this everyday but not to me but to yourself. If you believe you are what you say you are then you'll start to believe this. It works, I do this when I feel down. There is so much to live for and so little to die for. If you pick the easy way out then you'll not only hurt yourself but everyone around you. Believe it or not there are people who love you and who wants to see you succeed. Good Luck and I'll be looking for that email.

Answer 4

You really need to see a counselor. I know you feel like they can't help you, but they can. My family went through a horrible thing and counseling has helped them very much. If you go, it will show you that life IS worth living. That you have to start looking at the positive things in life instead of the negative. Nothing in your life will ever be perfect, you just have to accept that you are going to have hardships. Everyone does. Trust me, if you are young, things only get better. Good luck with everything!

Answer 5

you are depressed. we have all gone through it . Don't allow to think about suicide as an option because the way you feel won't last forever.
There are proactive things that you can do to help you get better phisically , and soon enough it will help you see your world differently :
exercise a lot ;releases chemicals that make you feel good

Try to eat healthy : same reason

Go out with friends
Talk to someone about it
do something different with your hair
organize , and redecorate your room

This are all things that you can do to accelerate the healing process.
If it gets serious ( not wanting to see anyone, sleeping too much , suicidal thoughts) SEE A SPECIALIST
Good Luck !

Answer 6

Maybe you can take a vacation, figure out who you are and who you want to be. I don't know how old you are though...I'm sorry your mother doesn't seem intrested, she probably just doesn't know what to say. You can change anything you want to about yourself, make a complete 180. I know someone who can help you, who will always be there for you, who will give yourself the strength to change your life, he is my best freind and if it wasn't for him I would probably have commited suicide as well...I too made attempts at suicide.

"For all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet now God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty. He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins." -Romans 3:23

You can check out these other scriptures too...
Romans 5:8
Romans 8:12
1 John 1:9
Romans 10:9-10

If you need someone to talk to my e-mail is [e-mail]

Answer 7

My dear you have everything to live for, and I know there are people who would be in terrible pain if you weren't here anymore. You sound clinically depressed. See a therapist immediately. Believe it or not, there is medication for this problem. You don't have to walk around carrying this burden. Go to the school counselor, and be honest about your feelings. Everything you say is confidential. You can also go to a City Health Clinic in your area. Tell them you need to see a mental health professional. You will be glad you did.

Answer 8

young person you are inpotant to youre family . if you do succed in the direction that you are going . think of this , how many folks you know you will be hurting them more. they have to live with you leave behind. no you cant keep living like your thinking. you learend to behave this way from someone eles, you can unlearn it, this is shelfish behavior. the Bible tell us ths we get angray be cause we dont get waht we want. what you need is to get right with God!! IT is called Grace, it is free for the asking . Read romans chapter ten verses 7 trough 14. young person , just because the wind changes you dont jump out of the boat. you just the sail go to a church youth group with some friends. i will be praying for you. dont give up God loves YOU!!!!!!! all ypi have to do is ask.

Answer 9

I feel like that too sometimes, or, a lot of the time. I have never tried to commit suicide, never seriously considered it either, but I do hate myself an awful lot of the time and like you I screw things up all on my own.

I have this immense fear of failure and I have trouble living in the real world, the one where you can't hide behind a computer but actually have to interact with people and make decisions about your future. Where you have to be responsible.

I know what I have to do to change my life and I am currently in the process of doing so.

The advice I can give you is to keep trying. Because it's this feeling of hopelessness that brings us down. We really CAN change who we are and what we do in our life, we really CAN have a positive outlook on life. But it's so much easier to run and hide and feel sorry for ourselves thus making ourselves even more miserable.

I hide in daydreams and I read storys and watch tv and forget that I even have a life to live because it hurts too much to deal with it. I think it's the same as drinking or taking drugs or cutting oneself, all of those things are done to forget and feel momentarily better.

The first step do dealing with your problems is knowing you can. Really knowing that you actually CAN. Feeling sorry for yourself will never make anything better, yet when people tell us to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and get a grip we usually feel even more powerless and feel even more sorry for ourselves and think things like: "they don't understand what it's like to be me". Well here's the newsflash, everyone have issues, everyone has something on their mind troubling them. People around you who are smiling and laughing, they may be having even more difficult things in their life than you do.

We can't change what we have done in the past, but we sure as hell can change who we are today and make our future lives better. It hurts and it's scary, but it's possible.

Taking your own life isn't the answer, life is a precious gift and you should enjoy the time that you have. Don't dwell on things that have already happened, all you can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you.

Chase away all those monsters in your head that tell you there is no way out, that you are not good enough, that you don't deserve to be happy and that you can't make yourself happy. You CAN.

Smile. Sing some silly tune. It will feel weird at first but if you actually convince yourself to be happy, you actually feel better. And things feel a little bit easier, and then you will feel stronger, and you will feel a little bit happy for real, and then you'll maybe take care of some things that have been on your mind, and your confidence will grow, and you'll feel even better.

You can also try a simple things as cleaning your house or sewing on that button that's been lying in your pocked for six months. Anything, because when you are finished you'll look at what you've accomplished and you will feel a little proud of yourself. And that will also make you a little bit happy.

It's so easy to change your life. You just have to start trying, because I imagine it feels quite impossible from where you are standing right now. Take a tiny step forward, and it will seem a tiny bit easier. Take another step, and you will have already begun to change.

There will be bumps in the road, you will feel strong urges to just run from your problems again. But don't let it pull you down and make you feel like you failed. You didn't fail, you simply stumbled. Get up again.

I hope I have helped you, if so even in a small way.

I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Answer 10

You said it yourself, the way YOU think is the cause of your problems! You have to change the way you think...try to be more positive, find motivation to do better. Check out http://www.gotquestions.org you can tool around there for a while & get some good, truthful answers to your questions.

God bless you & help you in your struggle.

Answer 11

I've been where you are. Depression can be a wicked thing as it steals your joy. Not just your happiness, which is fleeting anyway, but your joy, which sustains you.

Sorry your Mom is apparently not empathetic to you. Call your local mental health department. They WILL help you.

Suicide is not the answer. Your mind just thinks it may be.