I work during the day and my husband works nights. How can we keep the spark in our marriage?

Question

We see each other at dinner and on weekends. We have 2 kids. I feel so lonely and disconnected from him. I still love him though. Help!

Answer 1

I am recently going through the same thing and we have two kids also. Try at those evening times to be close to him. Make sure you talk to each other about everyday things. If you can manage it work it out so that the kids are away for an hour or two one of the weeknights so that you can spend a bit more alone time together weather it is getting intimate or just making sure you are focusing on each other. Try to call and talk to each other on the phone every morning when he gets off and you go to work. Leave notes in surprising places or a quick gift or favorite candy. Leave a message and the scent of your perfume on his pillow when you leave. The little things are what count. On the weekends make sure you cherish and treasure every moment. Try to do something that will make you feel connected to him again. Ask him what he is feeling and what ideas that he has that might help the situation.

Answer 2

Geez, and I thought I had it rough! With a work schedule like that...AND 2 kids in the mix, you'll have to work, overtime, doubletime, etc. just to keep your marriage going, let alone "sparking"! My advice would be look for other alternatives to the work schedule you two are pulling. Nothing is worth losing a family over! I tell my husband all the time I'd rather him make less $ and spend more time at home than to be rich and never see him. The key is to make family a priority for BOTH of you. And if family is going to be the priority, it seems as if someones job is gonna have to change schedules, take a back seat or somthing. That's just my take on it.

Answer 3

I have the exact same situation. The wife is on days and I am on evenings. We both work public safety and never know when we are actually coming home. We have a child as well. I think being a part all the time is destructive to a marriage. We get married because we want to be with that person, exclusively, as much as possible. Life stears us into employment to meet our monetarie needs and career goals. The problem is when it takes us away from eachother all the time. We loose contact with that person and the emotional bond goes away and then you find someone else who you see all the time at work. This is a common danger in the new working society of america. My belief is someone has to give up there job and get a job on the same hours, so you see eachother as much as possible and rebuild the relationship. That is what I think I will have to do. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in this problem, many people are having the same difficulties.

Answer 4

Dinner and weekends should be special so you at least have that to look forward to. try making plans both with and without the kids to have more together time. It will definately help. My ex used to do service work and was gone for a week or two at a time and all we had was weekends, but hey, we were both so happy to see each other when we did that everything we did was special!(Actually, hindsite being 20-20, it was the match made in heaven! When he came off the road was when our problems began!!!)

Answer 5

C'mon Mandy.....how about being alittle inventive. I worked midnights for years and saw my wife maybe 2 days a week if i was lucky. And only if her days off fell on mine. You make the very most of the tiume you DO have together.
You hustle the kids off for a weekend if you two can plan a couple of days off. You put the kids to bed and the two of you snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. You can't possibly not be together at all for any length of time.
Besides...this is life. That pain in the butt problem called work always throws a wrench into things but you make the most of what time is available to you AND consider it precious as platinum.
There is no reason to feel disconnected. You two just have to plan in advance. takes some effort but it can be done.

Answer 6

Yea... Im in the SAME boat, cept no kids. But I work full time and go to school part time. Im hardly ever home on the same days as him. He works nights, I work days. The only thing I can do is spend time with him when I can. Be there for him and we talk a few times each day. I feel disconnected too, but I know that its only temporary. We spend more time together on the weekends. Its tough, you just have to work through it and give it your best shot. Good luck

EDIT... I have no kids of my own, he has a daughter. So I have a step daughter!

Answer 7

Tough situation, but if it is financially best for your family, you will have to make some sacrifices. Make the most of tour time together and do fun things for each other. Leave him love notes from time to time so he misses you during the day and talk as often as you can. Hopefully when the kids start school you can both have day jobs and it will get better.

Answer 8

Take the time you do have with each other and use it wisely. Make what you can of the time your together. Make one of the days off a day for the 2 of you together then the other you both do your own thing. It will work just hang in there. good luck.

Answer 9

I was in this situation for a while, I got a little note book and a pad of post it notes. We would write each other little notes in the book and post it notes on the bathroom mirror. Sometimes I would pack the kids in the car drive to his work, using the spare key put a card a rose and his favorite snack in there. Just do little things for eachother to remind eachother of the upcoming weekend.

Answer 10

you two should try to set aside a few long weekends for yourself and make sure every weekend you have something special to do. an e-mail or text or phone call durind the day and at night are ways to help keep each other thinking about one another. this shoulld help the flame keep going.