My wife lost the passion, or something else?

Question

My wife of eight yrs. was acting very distant from for awhile. Finally I recommended that maybe we seperate for a little while. Were young and we have kids together. Well, she agreed to the seperation, which I immediately regreted asking for. It was if I was hoping she would just tell me to stop being crazy and she loves me very much. But she didn't. I asked if she would like to go to therapy w/me but she said "maybe down the road" . I still stay in our house until I get my own place. She just ignores me half the time. I'm wondering how she can just turn those feelings off, when a few months ago I thought she was in love w/me. I asked her if she still loves me and she says that she does, but, she doesn't know if she is In Love w/ me. What does that mean. Is that a womans way of saying i'm no longer in love w/ you. Or is she really confused?

Answer 1

Unfortunately probably a little of both. She might be going through a change in her life... Nature was very cruel in creating women and our hormones can make us act ridiculous sometimes. But, it really sounds like she just wants to be alone and that she doesn't find you exciting anymore. (Sorry to be brutal.)

Answer 2

Sounds to me that you just made things real easy for your wife. #1 she was acting distant with you. This could have been for a number of reason: Affair, depression, or maybe some kind of stress. #2 you asked for a separation and she immediately agreed to it. #3 still loves you but not sure if she is in love with you. I don't think your wife is confused at all she knows exactly what she is doing and you fell directly into the trap. If you really love your wife, fight for her. Find out what the heck is going on with her and tell her how you feel and why you feel that way?

Answer 3

It means all the "feelings" you both used to share isnt there.And it can be this way for multiple reasons,either you too stick it out and try to redevelop new love lost and honor your vowels or its time to part.See the more time there is between you too the more and more distant you too become and if you have in-laws like mine then I would understand completely.Perhaps she stay home with the kids and your at work,she feels bot appreciated and neither do you ...So know your both bitter and lonely and wanting more or that feeling of love back.All I can say is try and talk things through,think about how you first met what attracted you too together.Try and go on a date and enjoy yourselfs...Other than than family counsueling is there ,its just only if you all will go.Good Luck!

Answer 4

Wow Mike, that sounds like my life story right there. I went through the same exact thing.. word for word!

For me, the story continued where yours leaves off with us going ahead with the seperation. A year later, we went through with a divorce, and our marriage ended.. sadly.

I hope that your story doesn't continue down that same road.

But if it does.. my story does have a happy ending.

I remarried to a wonderful woman that loves me ten times more than my first wife ever could have. I look back at my first marriage and make note of all the warning signs I ignored and neglected.

My new wife shows me none of those. And I have every reason to believe that I have finally found the love that I deserve.

For you, I suggest that you recommend counseling to your wife (for the both of you). Do everything in your power to save your marriage. But if all your attempts fail, you will know that you tried valiantly to save your marriage.

The only difference between you and myself, is that I didn't have kids with my ex-wife. So for you kids sake, definitely try with all your might. I have to admit, looking back, that I didn't try with all my might. I was a little too hurt to do so.

Also know that despite what happens here, you are still worthy and deserving of love. I felt like I belonged in the dented can section (damaged goods) that you normally find at the grocery store. I felt used and unlovable.

But after that season of my life ended.. I now feel more loved that I've ever felt in my life.

Hope this helps you some bro.
Good luck

Answer 5

There may be much more to this. Have you ever said demeaning words to your wife or made her feel ignorant. Words sometimes hurt more then anything. Some Men are not very sensitive, I am not saying that applies to you, since I don't know you and therefore can't make a judgment. If you want to save your marriage you need to sit down with a Counselor and find out what your wifes real problems are. Don't leave to soon, if you move out it will expedite everything. Good Luck.

Answer 6

This happen to me in my past relationship we had been together for 4 years. What ended up happening was that I loved him. I just wasn't in love with him. The love I ended up feeling was more like a brotherly love. I know it sucks but it just came to a point that I didn't feel sexually or any passion for him and I just saw him as a cool person. I think you should sit with your wife after all you are a couple and have a heart to heart conversation with her tell her how you feel but that you totally respect her decision if she no longer feels like she used to for you. It will hurt if it doesn't turn out for the best but just remember you learn from every experience and it would only make you stronger. You can't keep holding on to her because you will end up alone and miserable at the end.

Answer 7

She's confused honey. I went through the same thing as she is. My issue was that my husband wasn't very affectionate towards me. He would come home and give me a kiss after work, but he wouldn't just hold me or hug me for no reason. I started to feel as though I was a leper or something. So I decided that maybe he doesn't love me anymore and to protect myself form the hurt, I stayed a good distance away from him. When he asked me about it, I said the same thing your wife said to you. I'm not sure if that is the problem with your wife or not, but go up and hug her. Hold her close to you and put her head on your shoulder. Be there for her. My husband has improved on his emotion problem and we are still together. Good Luck

Answer 8

Let me translate for you. She has found someone else. She has been cheating on you for a while now. She is keeping the option for counseling open while she determines how the new guy is going to work out. Apparently he is not too good in bed or you would already have received papers by now.
Call a lawyer, have her followed by a PI, tap your phone, find proof of this and use it in your divorce and hopefully you will walk away with enough to survive on.
In the future, communicate. Don't play mind games, saying one thing to provoke a hoped for response. It might not be what you wanted.

Answer 9

I believe that she does not want to tell you the truth because she does not want to hurt you. You are doing the right thing by seperating and you will be happier once you get away from the constant mixed signals. You can tell when someone is in love with you, it is obvious. You can also tell when someone is not in love with you, that is also obvious. We communicate more thru non verbal langauge and that is what she is doing. I know it is tough and is hurts to have to move on from an eight year relationship but it is not fair to you to stay there with someone who is no longer in love with you.

Answer 10

You're the confused one...shes acting that way for a reason. Has she lost the passion? maybe! or maybe shes cheating? or maybe etc etc etc.... ask! why are you scared? you've been married for 8 years! man up! if that fails.... do what i do.....
1) Get a baby sitter (i dont have kids but you dont want them to be around)
2) Tell her you want to have a talk with her and set up the time and date.
3) Get home b4 she does and cook her a nice meal. (dont say a word)
4) If shes like my girlfriend(s) ...she will prep the table etc.
5) start kissing her behind her neck while shes prep. the meal.
6)IF i said "IF" she gets in the mood have sex with her on the table to the couch to the shower to the bed? it alwasy works for me! problem solved she will start acing like she did when you first met! ( that will get rid of her current b/f) j/k!

Answer 11

Okay....so you told your wife who you think doesn't want to be with you anymore that you wanted to seperate and she said yes, and now you are mad about it??? You tried to manipulate you wife into telling you how much she loves you, instead of sitting down and telling her how you feel, and what you feel is missing from yalls relationship and explaining to her that you would really like to work to get it back. You hurt your wife by telling her you want to seperate...now she thinks you are the one who fell out of love, so she is trying to hurt you back. You better jump on it now before it's all gone. You don't have to kiss her butt...but you need to start doing nice things for her that you know she will appreciate and maybe spark her interest again. She isn't nessacarily seeing someone else, maybe she is just bored with how routine marriage and parenting can be. YOU HAVE TO MAKE A GRAND GESTURE!!!!!!! Surprise her with flowers, or a trip with just the two of you, and make her feel truly appreciated. I think a lot of time the problem with women is that we feel like guys work so hard to get us, and once they do they just stop....