friend with over-jealous husband... please help?

Question

A very good friend of mine is married to a guy who is overly jealous and controlling. She has literally become a prisoner in her own home... afraid to make waves. How can she make him understand that ultimately, he is going to make her resent/hate him? She has tried talking to him... putting it in terms that a 5 year old could understand.. but he just doesn't get it. She's not allowed basically, to go anywhere at all without him... everyone needs space.. friends.. A LIFE!!! She is being completely deprived of this... and it's killing me to watch her suffocate!!!

In addition, she does love her husband, and he has no reason to be so jealous... it's not like she's gonna do anything wrong if he would just give her a little freedom. She just needs room to breathe.

In response to the answer saying that I had waited until after they were married ... and I may not be the type to have as a best friend..... they've been married several years... I only met them a few years ago!!!! Thank you VERY MUCH!!!!

this is something that I'm not "getting in the middle of"... as I do not want her to have to stop being friends with me. I have only said that "only she knows how much she can take".. not to let anyone push her to do anything. I will be here for her... no matter what she decides... THAT'S what being a friend means!!!

Answer 1

, just keep being her friend..... the rest will play out..

Answer 2

The best advice that I can give you from experience is be there emotionally for her. The only time you should really get involved and put the situation into your hands is when there is evidence of physical abuse. (my own opinion) let that person try to manage what she can.. I am sure that this day and age she knows what she will or won't tolerate. Let her make that decision for herself all you can do is be a true friend and let her lean on you when she needs you. There is not much that you can do until she is ready.

Don't get to overprotective of her either.. that alone can stir up more problems for all those involved. If and when she wants to talk she will but other then it is another day!
Good luck!

Answer 3

Do not get involved just listen to her - be her friend - do not encourage her one way or another b/c this will cause problems- if you miss her and want to spend time with her do it at her house! You're only hearing one side of the story -maybe she agrees to this and you don't know it, maybe she wants you to think it is killing her b/c of things you've said to her -when really she wouldn't have it anyother way... Giving her advice will confuse her and make her angery with you-when she's ready to do something about it she'll tell you and even then you still can't do anything, this is her marriage! My husband and I don't do much without one another we wouldn't have it anyother way! It doesn't mean we're jealous people -There comes a time to grow up and settle down. But my friend and some of his friends feel the same way you do! we both have a friends that we can't even go anywhere with anymore b/c if we do they try to cause problems or don't take us home when we wnat to go! Is all that worth it!? What kind of firends are they to begin with pulling this kind of BS?

Answer 4

You need to convince your friend to leave this guy. Tell her how un-healthy her relationship is with him. And if she won't leave him then just continue to be her friend no matter what.

Look up controlling behavior on the Internet and print some of this information out for your friend to read. This kind of behavior can turn deadly and she needs to get out before it does!!

But, if she won't listen then just be a good friend and listen to what she has to say. Eventually she will get tired of his actions!!

I'm sure that he is making her feel unloved by others, giving her a complex, and making her feel like he is the only one that will ever love her. I'm sure that everyday he is saying something to beat down her confidence.

That is were you come in. You need to reassure her that she is beautiful and that there is life without him!! That she can make it on her own and that you will be there for her no matter what it takes!!

Answer 5

All you can do is continue to be her friend and support her. You can't get tired for her, she has to grow tired of the relationship on her own terms and once she does just be there for her. I know its hard to sit back and watch, you seem like you are the stronger friend and you wouldn't tolerate it but just give her time it may take her a while but once she is fed up it will end. Just continue to be a good friend to her and don't try to force her to leave because if she leaves before she is ready there is a chance she will go back. I know its hard to sit on your hands and do nothing but just pray for her and be there for her because when she does make that move she will really need your strength.

Answer 6

There is nothing she or you can do now. The time to do something was before she got married. That you waited until after makes me think you are not type to have as a best friend.

Answer 7

anytime you e-mail someone, no longer in basic terms your male on line friends, use the bcc to line and contain him in on your conversations, also even as replying, contain the unique message as you bcc the answer. this kind your husband can see that you're truly discussing what you're saying you're discussing. also, keep all of your despatched information, do no longer delete any emails. provide him your password on your e-mail. you're appearing secretly and it truly is causing your husband to question what's really happening including your on line chatting. turn the region round, how ought to you sense with the shoe on the different foot. attempt to discover extra lady christian friends. Do you've any? Are you searching out men in straightforward words? Or are you picking in straightforward words to talk wth men you locate even as ignoring the ladies human beings? You state: "i'd not recommendations him reading them yet he's so jealous i trust i will not" he's jealous because you sense you won't be able to. enable him in on the web chatting. in case your chatting is amazingly threat free and revoles around the Christian faith, it may do him some sturdy.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, nothing she says (or you for that matter) will probably ever change him. Explaining it will no doubt just piss him off more, because he obviously doesn't see a problem with being that way.
Once a controller, always a controller- but be more weary about him becoming abusive if she does create waves.
Her only option if she feels repressed by him is to leave... No one should have to live that way.

Answer 9

Just stick by her. There not really much you can do for her, well unless of course you tell her she needs to get out of the marragie. Odds are she won't leave him, just for the sake of having friends.
Not having a life with friends is very unhealthy.

Answer 10

Couples counseling would be a good step. However, YOU don't need to be involved in it at all. This is their marriage and I know it hurts to see people you care about in uncomfortable situations but it's really not your concern. Be her friend, listen to her when she needs to vent, give advice if she asks for it...otherwise STAY OUT OF IT.

Answer 11

sounds like this could lead to abuses or already is. i would say you friend needs help. but remember you cant make her get help or leave him it is ultimately up to her. if she doesnt get help right away , stick by her . dont leave her because you are tired of seeing her that way, one day she might need someone.