What do you think?

Question

Here is the comment by b/f :

My expectation out of my relationship with you was that YOU ONLY LOVE ME.


Now let me tell you this, I left my husband of 10 years less than a year ago. I will love him until the day I die, though we are not together, and can no longer get along, we still have "love" feelings for each other, and we have two kids. How can you make that love go away?? Over time I think it will diminish, we spent alot of good times together (and alot of bad) but as I see it, that love will always remain. You think my b/f is being unreasonable?


This is her b/f : I understand her point saying that she has feeling for his ex as they stayed for long time together. I love her immensely but I will say that it is hard for me to see that my love also loves someone else. It is apperant and and I can see it in her face. I also know that by demanding, I can get anything materialistic but love, emotions, feeling etc. I want her to love me devotedly .. is it too much to ask

Answer 1

He sounds controlling, insecure, jealous and just a pain in the neck. After 10 years of marriage and under 1 year single, it's too soon for a boyfriend this intense and immature. Poor choice. Move on, let time pass and make better choices.

Answer 2

So your b/f expects you to love him, and no one else, right?

If so, he's unrealistic. You love your children, and of course you love their father. Love doesn't work that way. The more you love, the more love you have to give. You can't lock up a part of your heart and completely disown it.

And you can love a man (or woman) devotedly and completely, and still love other people at the same time. However, I think you can only be "in love" with 1 person at a time, if that makes any sense. Maybe you're both confusing being "in love" with "love." I love many different people, however I am only in love with my husband.

Answer 3

Your ex is your past you should be allowed to cherish what you had and mourn what you lost. Just because you divorce and move on doesnt kill the love that you felt. Its a little much for him to expect you to put a stop to your feelings. For example my first husband Passed away, my now husband thinks that i should have no love for the man that i spent a good part of my life with, doesnt make sense to me and i wish you all the luck in the world

Answer 4

To BF: You can't expect your girlfriend to get over her long time husband and love only you. Real love don't just go away. The only thing that you are doing is causing tension between you and her by expecting her to either hide or lie about her true feelings for her long time husband. Back off accept the fact that she still loves him and give her time for her love for him to fade and for her love for you to grow. If you show patience and understanding both will happen quicker than you think.
To Girlfriend: I understand that you have feeling for your long time ex but now you have someone else. It will take time for your love for him to go away but you need to began to focus on your feeling for your now boyfriend and stop thinking about how much you do and will always (according to you) love your ex. This new bf loves you (if he did not then he would not be putting up with this situation now) and he just wants to mean as much to you as you are obviously showing him that your ex does. Don't talk about your ex, try not to think about him or even mention his name if possible. Condition your feelings and thoughts and concentrate on the good and loving things about your now boyfriend and you will get over your ex faster and then the two of you can go on with your lives happy.

Answer 5

Trust me...I have been there and with some time those feelings will end. Why did the two of you split if the two of you still love each other? I can understand still having some feelings for your children's father, but not love and you should not marry someone else if you still love someone else.

Answer 6

i think that once u date someone and fall in love with them and something happens and u cant be together again ur always going to have feelings for that person no matter what most of all if there are kids to. umm but i also think that he is not asking to much but u do have to give her time there is no telling how long it may take but if u love her like u say u do time will be no probablem for u just let her work things out with her self if its meant to be it will happen

Answer 7

Love is one of those things that don't come with an on/off switch. I'm still in love with my ex-wife even though we've been divorced 18 years now. She once considered coming back to me but she couldn't choose between me and her boyfriend. I told her that I don't want to be a first choice or a second choice, I wanted to be an only choice.

Answer 8

I think it is OK to love someone who was such an important part of your life for so long but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. If you are still in love with your ex then you don't belong in a new relationship.

Answer 9

yes your b/f is being unreasonable for one reason, that luv you have for your ex is a friendly luv that is much better than being better and better for you childrens well being. you arent in luv with him anymore and that is apparent and your in luv with your b/f and your b/f has to understand that and respect that you made the best choice in being luving in nature to your ex. it will never and isnt that you still in luv with your ex!

but on the other side i can see his frustration, he wants and sees luv as one deminsional and he may feel why put forth effort into your relationship if he aint gonna have that loved returned whole and true. as in if your heart isnt in it why try, he needs to have faith in him and you need to console him on this issue. his feelings are hurt by the fact you say you luv him and your ex. be clear with each other and sit down and talk about where you each stand and your feelings for each other dont turn a simple misundestanding and communication flop into an argument and broken hearts...

no matter what he has to understand that you were married to this man for years and have kid with this man nd despite everything you cant be expected to walk away and ignore thos years of your life like they never happend he has to relize this and be comfortable with this he knew im sure you had kids with this man before he got with you and accepted this then that luv will never go away but can change into more of a friendly luv not a love of my life luv like you can potentially have with your b/f:)

he has the right to feel hurt and you have to acknowledge how that may hurt him but he has to acknowledge you had a life before him and. be clear on your feelings and speak from the heart. reassure each other and watch how you say things.

proper communication is the key :)hope this helps some :)

Answer 10

I really think after a relationship of ten years, it is too soon to be in such a serious relationship now. You need to take more you time and find yourself again as this newly single person. Jumping from one relationship to the next only leaves room for more problems.