We had gotten married right before he deployed so we were still newly weds. I found out I was pregnant after he left and after a little while he starting talking to girls on-line and getting their phone numbers. He says that was just to relieve stress from being overseas and it means nothing. He says that he loves me and that it wasn't cheating because it was just emails. He says now that he is home he is not going to do anything like that anymore. Should I believe him or is he going to continue to do this plus more ?
2007-04-19 05:43:31 · 50 answers · asked by nessa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Turn off your internet access....and give him a shot to prove it. It could be just like he says, but then again, it could be what you fear.
2007-04-19 05:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
My fiance is overseas...He almost goes out of his way to prove that I can trust him..He gave me ALL of his passwords, and I didn't ask for them. Being overseas IS stressful, and they are limited to the same few people to talk to everyday. So online chatting is all they have.
It would upset me if he was talking to other girls while he was there, because being in a serious relationship I wouldnt think you'd want that..I would let him know it upset me...BUT if he's overseas then theres NO way it could have been anything more than emails...unless he was talking to girls who were deployed also. I don't think you should leave him for that, now that he's home you will be able to notice his behavior, and TRUST me, it will be obvious if he is...just try not to be too oblivious. You said he got numbers, if hes hiding his phone, or not answering it in front of you, or NEVER leaves it laying out somewhere, where you could possibly get to it before him if it rings or see whos calling, then that would be a red flag...just be observant, but don't go so far as to nag him and accuse him, b/c he may very well be innocent.
I just really don't think that is reason to leave him...yet.
2007-04-19 06:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by ArmyWife0412 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you to leave your husband and no one else can either. All I can say is that if you've tried everything and still can't trust him then, it's time for you to make some arrangements. No one can tell you to leave your husband except you. If it was just an Internet thing and not physical, your heart should be able to get you pass this. He's a guy and was maybe just lonely and curious. I'm not taking his side, it's just that I'd hate to see a good marriage fail over something so petty. You have to go through things and even except some things to have a strong relationship. It's just up to you to make sure it never happens again. I think you should give this thought and prayer. The last thing you'd want to do is get too much advice on the outside. You never know who's a true friend. It could easily seem as if they're trying to give you good advice; but, on the other hand, they could be trying to take your spot or they just flat out want to see you unhappy. A real friend wouldn't tell you to leave your husband anyway. MY VOTE IS TO GET OFF OF YAHOO FOR A WHILE AND THINK STRONG ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE. FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD. DON'T DO NOTHING YOU'LL REGRET. I'm just being honest. No one who receive your question can give you an honest answer because they're not you.
2007-04-19 06:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it is hard to say if you should leave him or not. Only you know this man's heart and character, and if he treats you kind and with respect.
Your husband may be sincere about what he is saying to you.
It could be that these women were an outlet for him to relieve the pressure/fear of being many miles away from his newlywed pregnant wife. It may have felt "easier" for him to have a conversation with a woman that he has no obligation or intention to be with long-term.
However, it is rather callused of him to mislead others just to suit his own insecurities. One thing that puzzles me is why were phone numbers exchanged if he had no intention of having a higher level of contact with these women?
I would keep one eye open with this guy.
If he makes poor decisions when under pressure/stress then what else is he capable of when another challenge comes about.
Hopefully, this has been a learning experience for him, and he won't repeat this mistake.
In the meantime, be more vigilant. Pay more attention to what is going on,without becoming a detective. Respect his privacy. If he's doing anything sneaky, he'll tell on himself eventually.
2007-04-19 06:09:56 · answer #4 · answered by anosey1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say your husband said that what he did was not cheating because it was just emails. No it was emails and maybe phone calls since he did get their numbers. For the fact that he is excusing his behavior and not sorry for it shows that he really does not think that he did anything wrong (which he did). He may or may not have cheated physically...you really don't know if he did or did not but right now he is not admitting to anything more than the emails...but for the fact that he could do even that much shows how much he cares for you. Regardless of what he says "actions speak louder than words". If he loves you then he would have called you and emailed you to relieve stress, not other women. I'm not saying that you should leave your husband, but I am saying that you should be prepared to possibly go through finding out that he either has cheated already (physically) or that he will cheat on you in the future. Unless he sees that what he did is wrong then he is doomed to repeat his behavior and worse.
2007-04-19 06:07:20 · answer #5 · answered by kristin747 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nessa:
This is a tough one, and one without any clear lines because it all depends on how you define devotion & loyalty. A question you do need to ask is this: Why could he have not had the same "on-line" relations with you while he was over-seas? Why did he need "other" women? If you two are married, words of intimacy & love should be reserved for you & ONLY you. You are carrying his child, so you KNOW what is at risk here. You have to search your heart (and HIM!) for the answers to these questions. if you feel in your deepest heart that he is being sincere when he says that he's going to stop now that he is home, I would say trust him & give him a chance to prove himself. If not, take comfort in the fact that if you leave, your child will not suffer the divorce & CAN grow up a normal, happy, healthy kids between the two of you, albeit seperately. Search your heart. Best of Luck.
2007-04-19 05:52:19 · answer #6 · answered by Spiral_Dancer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this, but it seems that there is very little chance of a happy ending here. You really deserve better and it sucks that you have a little baby in this situation. But unless he is super helpful with the baby and you need him now (which I would be shocked if he is the type), I would break things off and spend the next few months focusing on your baby. It should help you get over him too. The longer you prolong this, the worse it will get. The other thing... no matter how many times you think you will work things out, people like him will not stop cheating.
2016-05-18 23:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by kaley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let anyone break up your home. Okay he messed up while he was there but as long as you don't find where he is doing it while he is home, forgive and forget. You know he couldn't have slept with her with him being all the way in Iraq so it was just a little fling. Forgive but also keep your eyes opened, if he hasn't done this before, it could be a one time thing but everyone deserves a second chance so give him a second chance and be firm about it and let him know that cheating is unacceptable and the only reason you will forgive this one and only time is because he was in Iraq and in a stressful situation but he is home now and things will be different and cheating is not tolerated. good luck:)
2007-04-19 05:58:51 · answer #8 · answered by Pegi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well being over sea's in the military is stressful enough as it is ..
I am not sure what to say other than maybe give it a chance , you will know soon enough if he keeps his word .. strange things happen to a person in times of war or conflict ..
If you get suspicious and you get gut feelings of this still going on I would go with your gut ..but for now , I would give him the benefit of the doubt .. how did you find out about this was he upfront with it and told you ? that should say something there .. if you found out by accident then again I would watch the situation , don't assume the worst but don't hide from it .. and watch out for women from babylon .. they would love to wreck your home ...
good luck ..
2007-04-19 05:51:48 · answer #9 · answered by myopinionforwhatitsworth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you decide to stay with him, don't do it just because you are pregnant. If he is being truthful by saying that he won't do it again then he won't mind if you keep track of his emails and such. When you are in a committed relationship or marriage there is no such thing as privacy. If he really does love you then he will understand and allow you to do so. My boyfriend did the same thing and would continually tell me that it's not right to invade his privacy, but if i would not have done that i would have never found out that he cheated on me and i would have married him.
2007-04-19 06:02:03 · answer #10 · answered by kristina h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Normally I would say leave him, but given the circumstances, I would say give him another chance. We have no idea what kind of stress the sodiers endure overseas and I know they will do anything to relieve that stress. Talk to him about it, let him know you are willing to believe him but that if it happens again, you will leave. Tell him that you will want to keep an eye on his online activities and that he needs to let you know his passwords so you can go into his email. He may get upset about this, but if he truely has nothing to hide and is not doing it anymore, it shouldnt be a problem. Good Luck.
2007-04-19 05:53:26 · answer #11 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋