im the kinda girl that wants to get out and do things so why did i marry a man that doesnt want to do anything? i didnt have a problem with it until i realized that his life literally revolves around the television, and he started gaining more weight and now his breasts are AT LEAST twice the size of mine. when i try to make subtle hints about him losing weight he says that it discourages him and makes him not want to lose weight so what can i do to encourage him? And how do i make him WANT get out and do things?
2007-04-19 05:02:01 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to him without judgement. Sounds like he might be depressed. Ask him why he doesn't seem to want to do anything except for get on the computer or watch tv. Tell him you would love to go ________________ (insert activity) but really don't want to go alone and would he please go with you?
If he won't talk about it with you alone, make an appointment with a marriage counselor and tell him that you love him so much that you are willing to do whatever it takes to save the marriage and feel that at this time you need outside help.
2007-04-19 05:13:29 · answer #1 · answered by rockerchick82 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has he seen a doctor lately? My man gained a lot of weight and didn't do much either. He went to the emergency room with low blood sugar level. Then he went to his doctor and not only is he borderline diabetic, but has high blood pressure and high cholesterol and has sleep apnea. The doctor put him on a diet where he has to watch what he eats for 3 days then he has 2 days to eat pretty much what he wants (his free days) In the past three weeks he has lost 26 pounds. It was a wake up call for him. Maybe either telling your husband how his health could be affected or having him see the doc for a check up might get his awareness aroused so that he will be more active. One of the reasons my man was not active was because of the sleep apnea it made him too tired all day long. He would sleep long periods but was still nodding off during the day. I hope this helps.
2007-04-19 13:24:53 · answer #2 · answered by dreamer12324 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like others have said, you can't force him to do anything. But you can INSPIRE him. First, make a deal with him. Saturdays you get to plan an activity and Sunday he can plan something with no arguments (and he may choose T.V all day - it's his choice). On your day, choose physical activities such as hiking, walking, bike riding or canoeing. Second, buy healthy foods and cook healthy dinners. Third, join a gym. Tell him you want to get physically fit and would love to have a workout buddy. Don't pressure him - inspire and motivate him. And when he starts losing weight, compliment him on his new body.
Hope this helps!
2007-04-19 12:23:00 · answer #3 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is in a major rut. If you want to go out and do things with him, you could make the plans and invite him along. Then, if he declines, go anyway and do whatever it was you planned. Come home and tell him what a great time it was and how much better it would have been if he had been there with you.
If that doesn't motivate him, then find some friends who like the things you do and go out regularly with them. There is no reason why you should limit your social life because your man is the one in a rut.
2007-04-19 12:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by not yet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not change someone and if you knew this going into the relationship then that is the first problem.
The second that I see is that when we meet and marry someone (women and men) we love the person that we marry and in that is an unspoken agreement that you will make every effort to maintain who you are when you married. Just as men get disgusted when their wives just "let themselves go" it is the same with women.
He was a certain way when you met (physically) and so long as you are not asking him to do more than at least make an effort to maintain that same physical aspect he should at least try to be receptive.
2007-04-19 12:10:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then get out and do things! Don't use him as an excuse to not live your life. You don't have to cheat to get out and do things, there is plenty of things to do with other friends or even by yourself. If you are out living your life and being happy then maybe he will want to join you. You can't leave "subtle" hints - the other person will always get defensive. Only he can change who he is. You can only control what you do.
2007-04-19 12:10:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cancel the tv and dsl and tell him to get up off his rear and start living or you will divorce him. DO NOT BE SUBTLE!!! You deserve his FULL attention.
Have a physical scheduled for him with a doctor the next day, and two new moutain bikes, kayaks, or a set of new running shoes sitting in the front yard when you talk with him. Schedule a nice healthy dinner out for that evening to discuss your new lifestyle......
If he doesn't go to dinner then invite an attorney and go anyway. Have divorce papers drawn up and start the process. Move forward with your life and live. You only get one change to walk down the road of life. I for one wouldn't want to waste the trip!!!!
2007-04-19 12:13:39 · answer #7 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh man this is a tough one. I was in a similar situation. And whenever I tried to "encourage" him about losing weight, he'd say it made him feel worse. Wtf?? i dont get it. Honestly i dont know HOW to get someone to want to be healthy and do some other activities besides watch tv. Lazy people usually stay that way, until they have a health scare or something. I tried to tell him in the NICEST way possible but somehow no matter how "nice" or "encouraging" u try to be some people just dont CARE about their weight, health, appearance. it sucks. sorry i dont have a good answer for u, but i thought id let u know ur not alone.
2007-04-19 12:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by Chelley 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He sounds depressed. He should get help. You should cancel the cable/satellite and the internet. Tell him that you are economizing until he gets a job.
Then make plans for whenever you are off to go for walks etc...
Get him active . If that doesn't work then give him a "honey do" list and put the pressure on him to get it done.
Don't enable him by shopping and bringing home the junk food. If he wants it then he will have to go get it himself.
2007-04-19 12:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your husband have time to rest when he comes home from work. After he has rested ask him to go for a walk with you.
Try to prepare food that is non fattening. Get some good recipes and he probably won't be aware that he is eating healthy.
Plan things to do that involve activity and movement and insist that he join you.
Good luck.
2007-04-19 12:27:06 · answer #10 · answered by p00756 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋