Should I just go back to work?

Question

I always wanted to be a stay at home Mom, since I was little. I've been home for 3 years now caring for my 4 and 1 year old while my husband works. Here are my issues.
1. I go to church, but my husband doesn't. I want to give, but my husband would get upset if I did.
2. He spends freely because he earns the money, but I struggle to come up with grocery money.
3. He's thinking about divorcing me.
I think it is so important to be home raising my kids. Leaving them would be awful. I already feel like I am failing as a home maker, because he's not happy, so home making I am not. I am starting to feel that maybe he's right, maybe the kids would be better without me.
It just feels so wrong. I hate feeling like I have to take the easy way out. And yes, I've worked before and I know that working outside of the home is easier than staying home. I feel like such a failure. I am embarrassed that I can't realistically stay home. Should I just go back to work and give up?

Answer 1

why don't you try something like selling tupperware. my sis-in-law works 10 to 20 hours a week and brings out a decent chunk of money. there are options out there like selling tupperware or mary kay or something like that, that will allow you to still remain at home while making money.

and DO NOT ever, ever think your kids would be better off without you because that could not be farther from the truth!

Answer 2

It sounds like you might be depressed. I know how hard it is raising children, but it's so important that you also take care of yourself in the process. I had it explained to me this way: You're a bank account, and your children and husband are writing checks against the account, but it's your job to make the deposits. If you don't make deposits, eventually the checks start bouncing. That means take time to take care of you, do things for you. See people--adults--regularly.

On the money, you guys need to reach some kind of agreement on the household budget. You should not be struggling to come up with grocery money if he's out having a ball. He needs to realize that you are doing a job that's every bit as important as his is, and that the salary he earns is not just his, it's the family's. And he also needs to realize that the children are not just your children, they're his children as well.

You might also want to consider either couples counseling, or individual counseling, or both. You should not feel like a failure, because I'll bet you're not. Your children would NOT be better off without you, you're their MOTHER!!

I hope you can feel better about things soon. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I'm not a big fan of staying home while the man goes out and works because of situations like yours. You lose all the power and have no say so whatsoever. Not all men are like though. And just because you go out and work doesn't make you a bad mother. I have two kids of my own and both my husband and I work full time and our kids are just fine. We work during the day and spend quality time with them at night and on the weekends. And if your husband is contemplating divorce then maybe that's a wake up call for you. Try couseling and if that doesn't work then unfortunatley you may have to get a divorce. But keep your head up and do the best that you can. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you have to struggle to come up with grocery money for yourself and children while your husband spends freely there is a problem here. You and many other woman need to stop believing and buying the line that "it's my husbands money since he works and I stay at home" In a marriage there is no " I" it's we and ours. You are an equal partner. If you went to work who would take care of your children? If you could work part time to have a little spending money for yourself and it will not interfere with the kids then I would do that but, you need to straighten your hubby's way of thinking out as he has no clue on what child care, housekeeping, and cooking would coast him he if had to pay for out side help. You are not a failure as you are with a guy who brings you down rather then builds you up.

Answer 5

Don't feel like a failure. Your not. Your just wanting to do whats best for your kids. When I had my first son, I stayed home and it bothered me cause of the money issue. I hated asking my husband for grocery money. But he told me that what was his was mine too. So your husband shouldn't be cheap with you with the money. Just because he makes it doesn't mean you don't do anything. You are raising his children. Just remind him if he tries to divorce you, you have the right to make him pay child support and alimony! If it comes to divorce then I think getting a job wouldn't be bad for your children. I am sure you'll be a great mom either way.

Answer 6

Going back to work, is not giving up! It is smart! In this day and age it takes both to survive especially when there are children involved, besides what are you teaching your children? That working is not important. Put them in day care, independency is s_xy to a man, he'll see a hole new women he forgot he once knew. It will also show more responsibily that also is attractive. The clothes, the make up, the hair do - you know it will be like a new wife for him and your self worth and confidence will return! Which desprately needs to! Don't give up and, drown in your wollow and think your children will be better off without you b/c that isn't even close and they wouldn't be anyway. If they are in day care they will be farther advanced by the time they go to school and they will already know how to inner-act with other children better! Dont' let what your husband says bring you down! It will only effect you if you let it be strong and you'll see a change in him! Good luck!

Answer 7

Why is he thinking about divorcing you?

Talk to your pastor and see if there is a woman you can work with to help you with all the feelings you are going through so you can sort them out and make the right decision for you, your kids and your marriage.

God understands that you are not able to tithe right now because your husband is not in agreement so let that go - it's not an issue. There is a problem with him not providing enough grocery money, though. Perhaps it's time to apply for some assistance - maybe food stamps?

Answer 8

First of all being a stay at home mom is not an easy job by any stretch of the imagination. It is also not for everyone. This does not by any margin make you a failure!!

If you think your children would be better off without you think again. Children love unconditionally and without reservation.

Go back to work if that is what you truly want to do. Sit down with your husband and work out a budget with your potential income, cost of day care, household expenses and an allowance for each of you.

Why is he thinking of divorcing you?

Answer 9

In my opinion it sounds like your husband is selfish. It's hard to be in a marriage when your married to someone that can't see the WHOLE picture. If you can make ends meet, as far as finacially, sure I would stay home with my young children.......and I did. My mother told me that it would be a good thing to stay at home with the kids until they were of school age. Young children need their parents for guidance and structure. I made sure to have my kids interact with others in a playgroup and so forth but I don't understand your husband's mindset. He makes the money, he helped make the kids and he can come up with grocery money for ALL of you. I don't know all of your circumstances but if anything, I would try to accomplish some type of income (part-time etc.) just so you can feel that you've accomplished something for yourself. Raising kids is not a big party and some husbands need to switch positions with the wives to figure that one out!!! They can be so hard headed etc. etc. etc. but communication is very, very important. Good luck and chin up!

Answer 10

I feel for you, I went through that myself and that is not a good place to be in. I think it is best for kids to have their Mom at home always, but society makes you feel like a loser if you do, so I went to work when my kids started kindergarten, but they really needed me at home till they went off on their on. Your husband sounds like so many young guys these days, they want the woman to do it all. You are a very good mother and the most important thing is your kids and yes they need you. My aunt ask me a very good question once, I was so particular about a clean house and all these things to please my husband and she ask me what I would want I would want my kids to remember me for, that I kept a good clean house or how much time I spent with them. That answer was easy and I haven't kept near as clean a house since. Hope that helps at all...:)

Answer 11

Do him the favor and divorce this bum first. A good man would work with you to create a good marriage. If that means you working part time or full time then so be it. However your kids are still pretty small, he should find a way for you to either stay home or just work part time if needed.

If church is important to you, you should have married someone like you. Next time pick a better guy.