How do you get your husband to forgive you when he doesn't believe a word you say?

Question

Note : For background info have a look at my previous questions.

My ex Eli and my husband James were in a car accident together 2 weeks ago that left James with minimal injuries and killed Eli.I was so upset that after Eli's funeral last sunday I blew up at James and told him I wish it had been him that died instead.I don't know how to fix this.I said what I said in the heat of the moment and it really couldn't have been any further from the truth.I tried to apologize last night but he doesn't believe a word I say because he's now convinced I was in-love with Eli all along.What can I do or say to make him believe me?

Answer 1

That was wrong of you. if i was him i wouldn't trust you either. Your words are bad and your a bad person. Shame on you.

Answer 2

YIKES> all I can tell you is that it takes a long time to build trust and a split second to ruin it. My only advice would be to seek professional (marriage counseling) help. Together & separate sessions. It was a horrid horrid statement and repair may take a very long time. On the other hand, James should realize (and he may need help and a lot of time to do this) that a) you had a history with Eli and b) it was said in the heat of the moment. No amount of gifting or sexual advance or cooking favorite dinners will fix this. Only time!

Answer 3

I know a lot of times people say things that they don't mean but at the same time these are subconscious thoughts that reach the surface so there is usually some truth to it. Maybe you are still in love with your ex. You wouldn't be the first woman to be in love with someone else while they're still married. Your definitely gonna have to give your husband some time, but you guys still need to be there for each other. Show him that you love him, don't just say it. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think you should first try to figure why you made that comment in the first place. Either you are still in love with your ex or you feel your husband is responsible for his death and your angry. anger is one of steps a person goes through when dealing with death. Apologizing to him may temporaly fix the problem, but finding the root of why this happen is more important. You definitely might need a third party involved, like a counselor in dealing with this. Emotional this is going to leave a scar in your relationship

Answer 5

First of all "that was a Horrible Thing to say to your husband". He was just in a terrible accident and I am sure he feels awful about the death of a friend without you making a comment like that to him. Right now he needs your compassion and understanding to help him get through this emotional time. I take it your Husband was the one driving, thus he is eat up with guilt over the death of this man. I know we all say Ugly things to our loved ones during stressfull times but I would never tell my Husband I wished he was the one whom had died. You can say you are sorry all you want to now, but it will always be in the back of his Mind. This was a terrible Accident, but thats exactly what it was. You are gonna have to work Very hard now to convince him you did not mean what you said to him...

Answer 6

The mouth is the most lethal of all weapons to human beings. When used in a fit of anger, it can cut to the bone, tear a person's heart out or destroy a person's very soul. The best thing that you can do, is to keep silent and remain loyal and faithful to him. Actions always speak louder than words and if he loves you, he will see through all that was said and judge for himself-if you really love him. My prayers go to both you and here's hoping for the best.

Answer 7

That was a horrible, horrible thing to say. Saying sorry probably didn't hurt but you have to give him time. You would have to be a very strong person to forgive someone for saying something so harsh. Maybe you were temporarily insane with grief. Next time you are under so much duress you should take some time alone and think before you speak.

Answer 8

Posting this question again is not going to give you the answer you seek. Why, because James is the only one who can answer your question. There simply may not be anything you can say or do to make him believe you. You have a big life lesson here. It may turn out to be the greatest lesson you have ever learned.

Answer 9

What you said was terribly harmful. It is no wonder that James is concerned about it and has been having a hard time. If the roles where reversed, what would you be feeling?
It is going to take time. Time, and consistency. He will be silently evaluating your relationship. You are going to need to take great care in how you interact with him and with how you communicate with him and with how you acknowledge his feelings.

If you truly desire it, ask for his forgiveness and then try to improve a little bit each day, and over time you will EARN (key word) his trust back.

Answer 10

see all u did was really bad and brusque and u r a callous person perhaps. but still ill help u.see u played ur part ,that is, u apologized now let him play his part and leave it over time.trust me it ill b all right in few days.u can also try flattering him by using comments like good choice,u r looking good today,etc.and try to tell him once again with real feeling that u didn't mean that and say sorry again.

Answer 11

OMG. I can't believe you say something like that. Why did you blame your husband for your ex's death??? I'm sure those words made him feel like crap. That really hurt him, I can understand that. I dont know, but actions speak louder than words. So, i think you should show him somehow that you are trully sorry. But i dont know how.