Should your significant other be afraid of losing you? My bf does not seem to have this fear. If he thinks I'm being unreasonable he does not agree with me even though it could lead to us being angry with each other to the point that I may break yo with him. I believes he loves me but shouldn't he try to see things my way.
2007-04-19 03:43:32 · 5 answers · asked by honeyluv_2010 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Having a successful relationship is about communication, commitment, and compromise. No where in there do I see "Fear". Fear should never be a motivating factor in a healthy relationship. A desire to have a good relationship should be the motivation. A healthly relationship that will last for the long haul is hard work. You should never be afraid of losing your partner over a single disagreement - that means your partner is in your relationship for all the wrong reasons. A relationship is NOT about finding someone to be at your beck and call and obey your every wish.
It sounds to me like you both need to work on COMPROMISE. When you don't agree, it shouldn't always be him caving in to your side (or you to his), you should both COMMUNICATE your points of view and find a solution you can both be satisfied, if not happy, with. There will always be conflict in a relationship, you can deal with it without becoming angry, as long as you both work at it and talk about it, instead of putting up walls or "laying down the law". Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to compromise.
When you have a disagreement and don't see eye to eye, you need to deal with the conflict in a constructive way. Do not get angry, do not make ultimatums. Begin with the fact that bothers you - without any exaggeration. "You stayed out until 3am with your buddies last night. You did not take my calls or answer my text messages." Avoid words like "All always, never, or even usually if dealing with a repetitive problem. Then state your feelings about the matter. "I was worried about you. I was afraid that you had been in an accident, so I couldn't sleep." Then ask for his point of view. Do not accuse, do not jump to conclusions. He needs to answer you in the exact same pattern - with the facts and his feelings, no accusations, no conclusions, no exaggeration. Then you reply to his statements with how you feel. Then he should suggest a solution. If that doesn't work for you, state your feelings on why, and search for another. Lather, rinse, repeat until you find one that works for both of you.
Best wishes to you! I hope you get it figured out so you can both be happy.
2007-04-19 09:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by industengr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fear of losing someone comes from knowing you did something wrong. It sounds to me that all he is doing is standing his ground when he thinks you are being unreasonable. I believe fear of losing is not a good thing, because it can be used as a manipulating tool.
I do think you should learn to communicate better, and maybe stop assuming to be correct all the time.
Good luck!
2007-04-19 04:12:11 · answer #2 · answered by JC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a wonderful relationship now, and my significant other thinks I could "walk" at any time, but that's because we're dealing with drama with his ex gf whom they have a daughter together. She's psycho and causes problems everywhere she goes. I have no reason to walk =) he's the most wonderful man I've ever met, and he knows it =) He and I agree on some things but maybe not others, which is fine. You don't want to agree on everything, you know?
2007-04-19 03:49:16 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-25 21:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would break up with him and find out for sure... doesn't sound good at all.
2007-04-19 03:47:17 · answer #5 · answered by Mary G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋