This is an odd question about a polyamorous relationship.?

Question

Okay, to begin with, I am a loyal person. I have a really great life and don't plan on trading it off for anything less. My husband and I get along well, but there are some areas that he doesn't meet my needs. I think he knows this because he sometimes makes statements such as "when you divorce me...." which of course is ridiculous because I'm not going to tear up my family. There is a man on the side and this man is truly my soul mate. Nothing has happened that would be considered cheating. My husband knows I have a relationship with this (single/older) man and have for over 2 years. As my husband is a very intellegent(and very jealous) person, he realizes this and doesn't seem to mind...I think that his rationale is that this man is very kind to me and he believes this man really cares for me. Do you think my husband just thinks the guy is gay? LOL Or is it that he doesn't mind sharing me with this person?

Well, I say loyal because I have been married 18 years and I have put up with a lot of S###. I don't go around LOOKing at other men or searching for the next best thing. Believe me, I'm not an ugly woman and I get plenty of attention, so, yes, I'd say loyal. Also, to CHEAT implies deception and lack of knowledge of the other spouse and I have not told the first lie to my spouse about any actions that may or may not occur. Perhaps it is true to say this man and I are "soul mates" is a bit strong but we are very close and have very simular thoughts about things. To answer one polyanna's question, no, I can't say that I've ever felt my husband was my soul mate. In fact, throughout my entire adult life, I've never felt this close or dependent upon another person.

Answer 1

I wouldn't care if I was your husband. If you always came to me with honesty, why should I ever feel jealous?
I realize that there isn't any one girl out there that I can satisfy completely. Even if you came to me about becoming sexual with your male friend I would not stop you.
As long as you understood that I may come to you with the same proposition, and that just because I have a female friend that I connect with on a different level than you, that doesn't mean I love or want to be with you any less.

I am with my current chosen partner because I want to be. Not because I feel pressured to stay with her.

Answer 2

Yes, this IS an odd question, but it sure is interesting!

For one thing, while he may know of your relationship, I highly doubt your husband knows that you think of this other man as your "soul mate". Disclosing this information might change your husband's opinion. Then again, it might not . . .

It's interesting that you use the term "polyamorous" but what you're doing doesn't fit neatly within the current definition. In particular, there is no sexual component . . . yet. I wonder if you use the word because you are starting to think that's what you would like it to become.

If so, you may have a difficult time convincing your husband, whom you describe as "jealous". On the other hand, you also say he is "intelligent." Maybe you could bring up the subject of polyamory as a "theoretical discussion" to feel him out about what he thinks of the concept.

Please keep us updated by adding Additional Details to your question.

Answer 3

I don't think that we can meet every single need we possibly have in a marital relationship. That's why having female friends is so important. However, having such a close friendship with a man who is not your husband is asking for trouble. Marriage is a Divine arrangement with the purpose of joining one man and one woman. Why be married at all if we are not going to respect the purpose for which it was intended?

Answer 4

Your husband needs to be the one to truly meet your needs. Give him a chance. Let him know exactly what it is that you need and he is lacking in giving you just as you need to ask him what it is he needs and you are lacking in giving him.

Yes, he minds sharing his spouse. Perhaps he hopes that it will just go away if he ignores it long enough.

Once again I must say that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, it is greener where you water it. If you are watering the grass at home it will grow and flourish and fulfill your needs. If you ignore it it will wither and die.

If this person on the side is truly a "soul mate" then he should respect your relationship and allow you to work on the one you are in now.

Answer 5

i don't shun what you think of roughly polyamorous relationships, and that i definitely do not suggestions if human beings go with to be in polyamorous relationships, yet in my opinion it is only not for me. i think like the guy who i'm going with to spend something of my lifestyles with could desire to have my complete interest and each thing of me. And definitely i think of i could be jealous if I had 2 different halves ... while they have been given mutually i could be on my very own lol. So yeah, i'm not against polyamorous relationships for others, yet for me, i'm completely pleased with my fiance :-)

Answer 6

Apparently your husband doesn't feel intimidated by this person, because he doesn't know how you truly feel. If you think that something may happen that would be considered cheating, break this friendship off immediately and figure out why you turn to him instead of your husband.

OR your husband knows how you feel and is waiting for you to walk out.

Answer 7

Wait...You are ok with a man on the side?!? He is?!? Too bad. I would hate to think that in any marriage that it is ok to cheat (and yes, emotional cheating is still cheating). How would you feel if your husband found his "soulmate" in another woman I onder. I pray that you do not have kids because look at the example that you are for them. Grow up.

Answer 8

I don't think he wants to share you with this guy, thats for sure!
If you are not totally committed to your husband then I think you should throw this other guy to the curb and give your husband what he deserves. talk to him about what you need from him! Communication is a major part of a marriage!

Answer 9

You said you were a loyal person. HA! You better read your question again. I don't give a damn if you're having sex or not. You're still cheating. Poor man (your husband)...send him over here, he deserves a woman who isn't going to go elsewhere to find her "soulmate"...what a crock!

Answer 10

I'm thinking your husband is insecure w/himself and is scared of losing you, so maybe he "accepts" this other guy for fear if he tries to refute him that you'll leave your husband.