what should i do?

Question

ok so my mom and he husband have been on and off for the past 3 years now the last time they broke up me and my mom had to move and now we barely have any money. and now they are back together. she has lost almost all her friends because of it. i hate seeign my mom hurt. this will be the 7th time they got back together and i hate him with a passion. ive tried to tell my mom but she doesnt get it. should i just leave it alone or say something?

Answer 1

I agree with WiseGuy, it is really hard to do something to break them up. Even though your intentions are good they are likely to be misread by both your mom and the jerk.

However you make it sound like they may be apart some time soon and then you can take action. Plan ahead and be ready to do things proactively to help your mom. I don't know your age, but it sounds like you still live at home so it's a tall order if you're a teenager.

First off is to try to be the best companion you can be for her so she doesn't feel the emotional need to go back to him. You'll probably have to put your life on hold for a while but hopefully you'll get a lot of good return on your efforts. Real quality time with your parents is rarely wasted effort.

Secondly is to try to fix her up with someone her own age that you might know. A friends divorced dad? A teacher at school? It's OK if you don't know anyone, you can help her find someone interesting with online dating. It's not hard to find someone decent if you try and have a little help.

Anyhow keep her interests at heart and you'll do fine. You are dealing with a tough situation but between the 2 of you she can get on the track to find someone right for her.

Your life sounds like a movie! Get the most out of it you can, and stay positive about yourself and your deeds.

Answer 2

If you say you have tried telling your mom and she just doesn't see it, then I would say talking to her some more will not help. She is in denial and I am sad to say, she is teaching you a very poor example on how a woman should allow herself to be treated. If things at home get so out of hand that you find the atmosphere not to your best advantage then you can report your mom to child protective services for neglect of your well being. For any child to be in a home where there is too much conflict and destructive behaviour is not a healthy environment to say the least. Maybe some intervention is what is needed for your mom to see the light. Don't go through this alone, reach out to others for any help they can provide. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

You should leave it alone. She's going to defend him, he's her husband. Some women make insanely stupid decisions regarding their men. Learn from your mom's mistakes, and don't make the same decisions about the men you spend time with.

You also sound young, I'm assuming you are since you are still living with your mom. If there's another family member you can live with, see if you can live there--you don't mention your father. If not, hopefully you'll be 18 soon, and you can get out on your own. Just work hard in school, get the best grades you can, and make your own life the best it can be. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Unfortunatly there are a lot of women out there like this. My mom is one of them. On top of her bad relationship with him he beat her,me,my bro, and my sis. Im not saying that that goes on between your mom and her husband but it seems like there is obviously some kind of problem and that he has a hold on her. Maybe you could write her a letter. Some people respond better to that because then it doesnt seem like your trying to be confrontational towards her. Just tell her calmly how you feel and maybe she will listen. Or maybe she wont. If you hate him that much maybe you should go liive with your dad if she chooses to stay with him. Love makes you do crazy things!

Answer 5

Sweetheart this is what you do. NOTHING. Tell your mom you love her and support her, even though you don't agree with her decision.

She's an adult and even her friends are telling her, so don't feel bad, she's not listening to anyone, she has to live and learn.

I hope your taking notes on how a relationship IS NOT suppose to work.

Consentrate on your school work, so you can be independent, self reliant, not dependant on anyone for anything

Hope this helps

Answer 6

Ok, here's what I would do. You reached out the first time to try and help and it worked temporarily. I would say in this case to move on and live your own life. Really, there's nothing you can do about it, she sounds like one of those who either will never learn OR thinks she can't do any better than this. Either way, "you didn't break it, you can't fix it".

Answer 7

unfortuantely there isnt much you can do... she may not want to listen to ya b/c she knows you have such hatred towards him??? maybey tho if you get others that feel this way as well together as an intervention that may help... but despite it all your mother is blinded by her own so called "love" for this man. and in the end if she doesnt want help and to find someone who can treat her better than thats on her.... you can't let it get to you. your obviously mature enought to know things arent right and if you can get out of the situation that your mother keeps putting you in. do so:) i know from my own experiance that even tho a mother is loved...she cant sacrafice her and her childs life when the situation goes sour... because of the relationship she has neglected her self and you... if she cant survive b/c of this and provide for her daughter than thats her problem not yours...she is unconciously putting you thru turmoil everytime a break up and attachment occurs with this guy that is in a sense.. abuse and neglect...

\\ i know this from several md's and professionals that i have talked to b/c of my own situations like this in my life //

if you can and have somewhere to go get away from the situation entirely, do it ! for a while at least:) if she refuses to listen to her own hurting child that she has a responsiblity for and continues to consistantly put her self and your life in that situation something is wrong with her... you cant change her but you dont have to live with her mistakes and suffer your self... i learned that the hard way after many years with a mom quite like this... i couldnt change her mind and so i left so things like this wouldnt effect me and i would have a chance at a normal life:) i wish you luck in this hopefully your mom will listen and try things for you:)

its key that moms learn to learn from their children themselves... sometimes they see things much clearer than most !!! i feel for ya :)

just remeber you cant change her mind but you can put things into perspective and into the light for her and if she still refuses to do anything productive than leave make a stand:) this situation is harming to you mentally and emotionally...! keep speaking up:)

Answer 8

leave him alone and also don't say anything else. look yourself and for your life too if you have settled and don't need anything from your mom. if you ignore your mom for some days she will sure feel guilty and improvement will be appeared. so don't worry this is the problems of life and some time it gives tens in our life. do your best what you decide for the last.

Answer 9

Leave it alone for now because all you are going to do is drive a wedge between you and moms. she has to see her man for who he really is with her own eye's not someone elses. everyone wants to be loved even if it is from someone who really doesn't give a damn about you and wants you not to have anything..you might have to start loving your mom from a distance in order for her to wake up..

Answer 10

for now, she wont listen to u so try getting one of her friends to talk with u and her.