ok in nutshell>>>(joint family) i had this great chemistry mutual emotinal affair with my husbands younger bro(im not proud of it .. but it happened .) the bro in law did convey huge emotins to me indirectly! he is married ..soon to be a dad.
i have moved off from his life .. im absolutely neutral with him. i dunno but his presence always annoys me and we barely talk.. but if we speak we end up fighting . cold vibes are one of our best traits!
now..my husband is away .& bil is trying to be extra nice.. hubbys been away before too but this time bil is trying to much ...infact in front of his wife and mil he said lets be friends ... let it be more than hi and hellos.
i have a v neutral approach towards him & i dont want to be any closer ...What should i do ?
if some one can chat..im willing to .. but please do not judge me!!!
2007-04-19 02:56:30 · 7 answers · asked by barley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry for my bad ttyping ..im suffering from migraine ..and actually have no human to talk to about this!!!
sad when ppl at yahoo ...!!!
Thanks to those who replied.. ty!
2007-04-19 03:05:27 · update #1
The reason you end up in fights and try to stay away from him is exactly because you are NOT neutral toward him. You have a very real history with him, one that won't just 'go away'. It takes time to get beyond things and give yourself a break. It may be years before this relationship is finally put to sleep. Years, not days or weeks or months. It takes time. And please, be honest in saying you are NOT neutral toward him. You are neutral toward a guy you pass by in the isle of the supermarket, you don't talk to him, you don't hate him, you don't fight with him, now that's neutral.
2007-04-19 03:07:54 · answer #1 · answered by John B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just try and be as open and honest with him as you possibly can.
You have admitted that you made a mistake, you have remedied the situation as best as you can and are dealing with the results as best as you can.
He may be able to distance himself from the emotions that you two shared easier than you can and good for him.
You just need to let him know that although you can not be anything more than socially polite right now time may change that but you can make no promises.
Anyone that tries to or does "judge" you needs to remember that the only water they can walk on is FROZEN and they are far from perfect!!
Hang in there!
2007-04-19 03:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, this isn't a forum to "chat." That's why they invented chatrooms.
Secondly, people WILL judge you, that's life. Have you told your husband about this affair with his brother? You need to come clean with him if you haven't, because if you haven't been honest with him, right now you're living a lie.
It is possible for a marriage to recover from an affair, however you've put your husband in an impossible situation. He basically has to choose between his brother (who will always be his brother) or his cheating wife. When a married person has an affair, the general rule of thumb is to cut off ALL CONTACT with the person they've had the affair with. Obviously, in this situation, you can't do that, since he's your brother in law.
If everyone in your husband's family knows about this affair, and they're still speaking to you, you've married into one sick family. You are the outsider here, you are not the blood relative. Their loyalty will always be to their brother/son, etc. NOT to you.
I certainly hope for your husband's sake he dumps your butt, and finds him a woman who will honor him in the way he deserves. No man deserves to be treated the way you've treated your husband. And no brother deserves that from his brother.
2007-04-19 03:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you need to see that your attraction to your brother in law is only due to your feelings of emptiness in your marriage. Work and focus on how to resolve problems in your marriage. I am afraid for you, afraid you will make the biggest mistake of your life by having anything to do with your brother in law. As if this happens many people will be hurt from this. You need to be firm with your brother in law and make it clear to him that he is not to come around when your husband is not home. Also tell him if he continues he you will have no choice but to tell his wife. A man only goes after something he feels he has a chance to get. He obviously has been reading you as someone he can get. Trust me, he is not thinking of you with nice thoughts, he is thinking of you as vulnerable and needy and he is more than willing to take advantage of that. He sounds like a self centered player who is only out to satisfy his ego regardless of anyone elses feelings. You need to erase any fantasy feelings about him and see him for what he really is, a man who is willing to cheat on his wife with his brothers wife. Now is that the kind of man any woman would want? I know I wouldn't. Best of luck to you!
2007-04-19 03:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you just need to put things in their proper space with the brother. If you don't want to be any closer, then simply tell him and he should respect your wishes. Be clear, be specific, and be consistent with what you say and how you say it. Don't give him a reason to believe that you are not sure about what you are saying and why.
2007-04-19 03:02:50 · answer #5 · answered by ciberpunk1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I willnever judge ,but he is taking your emotional attachment for more than what it should have been and now he is really holding it over your head. don't let him see you sweat....
2007-04-19 03:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Looneytunes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, trying to read your unintelligible post gave me a migraine.
What about a dictionary? Getting a GED?
2007-04-19 03:02:31 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋