what disturb me,is that iget excited at the sexual fantasy of watching my wife having sex with other men,but if it happen in reality i get upset. where am i wrong, the fantasy of my wife been loved by others,or not accept it and let it happen?
2007-04-19 02:07:18 · 6 answers · asked by bushman 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm not too sure how to answer your question but here it goes. (I am sure other people will have better answers on this one.)
No, it is not unusual for a man in his forties to suddenly have an increased sex drive. There may be all kinds of explanations for it, from the biological to the psychological.
You are not really telling us if you are aroused by this fantasy because you are visualizing this with your wife as center stage -- or that you have homoereotic feelings towards the male. Ask yourself," Is it the fact that the guy turns me on?" Then look back on your life and ask if you ever had homoerotic feelings towards males, even those feelings you never acted upon. (Some people come into this forum because they are first accepting their homo or bisexual nature; others come in here because they assume non-straight people know a lot about sexual matters.)
My gut feeling? At some level, you are interested in men, sexually. I doubt you are homosexual. You might be bisexual. Then again, you might be a straight guy. I have an inkling because you came into the LGBT forum that you feel you have at least some level of a sexual attraction towards men. To have your wife as the partner in your fantasies might be more acceptable to you (unconsciously) than having yourself as a partner with the man.
Look for other signs of homoerotic interests in your life. Are they indicating a sexual interest in males?
Then again, you might be worried (as a straight guy) about your sexual ability with your wife, so you fantasize another male satisfying her. It sort of strikes me as unusual (if you are straight) that you don't fantasize having sex with a female partner.
My gut feeling says, once again, that at some level, you are attracted to men sexually.
I hope this helps you and I have not given you information that is damaging to you.
I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to a counselor who is well-versed in male issues, especially those involving sexuality. I would do this before ever talking to your wife about such things.
One other thing you might ask yourself too: Has something recently occurred in your life that was life changing? What triggered this sort of fantasy? Was there something completely non-sexual that might have triggered it?
Once again, good luck, buddy.
2007-04-19 03:08:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men get excited by the though of seeing their wife with other men, this is nothing unusual. There are various ways to deal with this, but the primary thing is to make sure both you and your spouse are comfortable with what you try and that neither of you will blame the other. A first step is to share your fantasies with your wife, it may be that just telling her what it would be like to see her with other men as you're making love will turn both of you on. You may try have her "flash" strangers, or a swinger group, you could also try filming your selves and then watching it as if it were some one else...
But above all, remember to keep clear lines of communication with your wife and ensure that you're both committed to each other in anything you try.
2007-04-19 02:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by Pirate AM™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thoughts are only that.... thoughts. so don't stress to much.
thought about maybe a threesome? maybe think about talking to your wife and invite a third party to your bedroom.
It is possible that you're just fantasising, gay women masturbate over men but don't actually want to have sex with them. (keep in mind I'm a fair bit younger than you (23) and a gay chick lol) it's possible i just told you utter s**t but i do a lot of psychology and psychiatry reading for what i want to study next yr and what you've described isn't all that uncommon :)
2007-04-19 02:19:34 · answer #3 · answered by pale_rider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get off the grass -- your reading far to many sex magazines where they would consider this the norm --- nothing wrong with fantasising --- but when you want it to be a reality --- therein lies the problem --- would you honestly accept your wife being in a situation like you outline --- i think not !!?
because when you cross that border -- guess what !!??
2007-04-19 02:19:09 · answer #4 · answered by bill g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a good talk with your wife and see;listen to how she feels; you should get rid of being jeosy if you go with this;find someone that will have sex with you and wife;if not;go have sex with wife.
2007-04-19 02:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're maturing . . .lol. its a norm . . . as long as its a fantasy.
you also know what to do with it . . .lol.
2007-04-20 22:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by auntie_peggy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋