My boyfriend and I moved out to Cali together to live our lives together as a couple. We had been on and off for 1 year and realized that we really did love eachother and took the plunge to be in a relationship as a duo. We moved out here and as time passes he has hooked up with friends out here and gone out partying without me and has lied about it. Told me that this is the way things are and he is not changing and expects me to put up with this nonsense I think because he knows that his work contract pays for the rent and I really have no other place to go. He says that he is sorry but when he came out to Cali he realized that "things are different out here" and he is really backing me in a corner with the lies that he is telling about partying and ends up blaming the whole thing on me. " If I didn't feel so confined, I wouldn't be going out so much with my friends." This is my first real relationship and I am trying to do everything right but I am kind of feeking stuck. Feedback?
2007-04-17 20:29:21 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He knows he has you and is taking selfish advantage of the situation. Thing is he has already told you how its going to be and that it wont change so you have your answer. Move on and dont look back. Learn how to become self sufficient and these things wont happen to you. First real relationship....it has to end for you to get out there and have a second. Oh, and he is cheating. And dont stick around just because you feel like if other girls will do him then you want to keep him. Ha! You know that wonderful exciting feeling you get when its new and every touch is like magic? Cant have that again if you stick with this bozo.
2007-04-17 20:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by emeralda02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start making plans on the QT (secret). Think your way out of this no-win situation. You are young and if things are so different there, maybe you need a little partying and friends too. First you have to make the jump to supporting yourself. As it is now, you are keeping the place clean and doing laundry for your share of the rent. You have to become independent or go back to your family.
Don't feel bad. None of us know what we are really getting
into before it happens. Your bf decided he has a housewife and so he can still be a kid. California went to his head. That could have happened to any of us girls. Guys are all for us until they get us. It's being financially dependent on him that has you stuck in the mud. You either go back to some family members that love you (if they do) or start making a living for yourself. When you start working and decide you can make a buck on your own, that's when the right guy comes along. But be careful what you are stepping into. Look before you leap. Then hope for the best. You are too young to be trapped like you are now.
2007-04-18 04:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he realized that things were different, he should have told you when the stunning realization occurred. Doing everything right DOES NOT mean that you have to put up with shoddy treatment.
I am sure it is very scary to be somewhere where you do not feel you have any support system. Call your parents, and tell them your feelings, and don't ask them to bail you out, ask them for advice about the best way to get yourself out of this. Do you have any friends that you could rent a room from, or somewhere that you could stay for a while? When I read that you feel backed into a corner, it scares the hell out of me. That is the beginning of an abusive relationship, and you need to get away sooner rather than later.
I would call your parents, regardless of your age, because they can be a real help in finding solutions. I fought mine like crazy when I was younger, and now I turn to them for advice all the time. Stand up for you and take care of you. It will be hard in the beginning, but you will come out of this strong. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to email me. I hope for the best for you.
2007-04-18 03:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by Lili Montegue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's being very disrespectful. You made a mistake moving in with him. He needs to lose you in order to appreciate you. Go out without HIM. Make sure to have your own life that doesn't involve him. Get a job, get a roommate and move out. Rent a room somewhere. If you tolerate what he's doing... he won't have any respect for you and will end up leaving you for someone with a spine. Don't whine. Don't nag. Don't complain. Just keep busy and unavailable... and do your own thing. Go to college... make new friends. He'll start worrying about treating you better when you're no longer a doormat.
2007-04-18 03:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by Haulie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first hint should have been the on and off part. I would suggest that you save your money, and fly back home. He is not interested in a permanent relationship with you. He has hinted in every way possible that he does not want you there any more. Take the hint and leave. You are a thorn in his side , and he is not going to treat you any better. He is going to keep hurting your feelings until he gets you to leave, or he tells you that he has found someone else.(Which is probably his next move) Get out before you look like the fool. I hate to be the one to tell you, but there is no relationship to salvage. don't continue to torture yourself like that. You deserve better. Good Luck!!
2007-04-18 03:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See what are the alternatives you have and if you dont have wait till you find a better one and switch over to that.
2007-04-18 03:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋