My husband and I have been married for 13 years. I have always seen him as my one and only true love, no matter what he did to me, he was the one and I was not going to leave. About 2 years ago, I found out that he had been in contact with a girlfriend from high school. The two of them had been calling eachother for about 3 years, on an average of every other day or so. I have never felt such pain, but I loved him and wanted to work it out.
Then he told me he had cheated another time with a long term sub from his school ( my husband is an elementry school teacher) and they had gone out on 1 "official" date ( christmas party) but saw eachother socially for several years.
Is there hope that we will work? Am I the dumbest person in the world for not leaving? Is my love a joke??
2007-04-17 19:13:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I too have suffered this pain. I struggled with the decision that I had to make, leave or not leave. The truth is that he may cheat on you again. The saddest thing is that no matter what anyone tells you, it's your decision. Do you believe that you can forgive him completely? Is there still a relationship worth saving. I don't know, but you do. The most important thing in this process is you, and your feelings, and your well being emotionally. Sometimes the hardest choices to make offer the greatest growth. I chose to stay, that was 7 years ago. I love her more today than I ever did then. Also, remember that someone who has not walked this rocky path is always going to judge on what they think they would do, until they are in this situation themselves.
2007-04-17 19:28:51 · answer #1 · answered by sjoineryankeefan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not the dumbest person in the world for not leaving and your love is definitely not a joke. On the other hand, he may actually be the dumbest person in the world and his love is definitely a joke.
As for hoping if it will all work out for both of you, it appears as if your husband has worked it all out for himself by dishonoring you as not a part of the whole equation.
Believe me when I say "you are not the one who is being stupid for showing someone else the love you vowed". If you do the math, no one would judge you for balancing the equation.
Old Equation:
Wife = 13 years faithful, wants to continue until eternity, for better or worse.
Husband = 13-2 = 11-3 = 8 - (>3) = <5 years actually honoring a faithful wife + >8 years of guilt trips.
New Equation:
13 - (< 5 + >8) = happily ever after looking for someone else
2007-04-17 19:52:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my personal opinion, when a man does such things the first question you should ask your shelf is: "does he still love me?"
If he really did all those things he must have had a reason...and i think that reason was that he didn't love you anymore....i my shelf am in love with a wonderful woman for tow years now, and i could never go out with another girl....because I'm afraid that would hurt her....and when you truly love someone...you will never do something to hurt that person....i don't know what you should do...that's up to you....but if he doesn't show a sign of good faith i would be asking my shelf the question "why should i stay with this man, is love a good enough reason?"
2007-04-17 19:29:44 · answer #3 · answered by Chips 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your love is not a joke, but it sounds like his is. Tell him that you have put up with a lot, because you love him. Tell him that if it happens one more time, you are out of the door, and there won't be any coming back. Tell him that you are tired of being made a fool of. Let him know that you have had plenty of opportunities to cheat, but your love for him kept you from even considering such a thing. Tell him that if his love is not strong enough for him to resist cheating, then it is best he get out of your life before he hurts you again.
Be strong and mean it when you say it. You deserve to be treated much better. Why waste any more years on a cheater. Stick to your guns. There are plenty of men that would appreciate a good woman like you. Instead of cheating with others, they would be treating you like gold. Don't wait until you are old and gray to leave, if necessary.
2007-04-17 19:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a fool for love is always a good thing to do. Being a doormat is never a good thing to do.
I would pick up and move out without informing him. Tell him when he decided what is important to him then give you a call if you have not found someone else.
It throws a man for a loop when he thinks his lady will just take it and let him do whatever he wants. You get great respect when you respect yourself. Shake it up a little and spend some time on your own to see how you really feel and put him though some hoops. I personally think when you get out you will not want to go back.
2007-04-17 19:21:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love can make you do crazy things. you are not stupid! If you stay in the relationship, you are going to have to deal with the possibility of him cheating. if you get out, it will hurt but in the long run, it will give you the chance to meet someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. maybe one day he will stop, but once a man or woman steps out of a relationship, it will never be the same. I wish you the best of luck in your choice. Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-04-17 19:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by Baby boy due March 16th 2010 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not but your husband is....it sounds like he directs to much time elsewhere and he doubts it effects your relationship but it does...since you really hadn't felt the difference I know it's hard to say it's enough to leave this relationship...as long as he is sorry and wants to be the husband he should be , I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt, for your sake...but if he should faulter, that was his last chance.
2007-04-17 19:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit beating yourself up. You are guilty only of marrying an immature man with no impulse control.
If you don't want to live with this pain forever, then you need to leave.
Your husband didn't just make one stupid mistake, he's a serial cheater...he can't be rehabilitated.
2007-04-17 19:24:53 · answer #8 · answered by nailgal2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may be one of the dumbed person not the dumbest as you said to yourself, now tell me, do you remember when was the last time you clever husband make love to you? if you cannot then you are the dumbest person in the world not to leave that cheating bastard.
2007-04-17 19:23:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes,your love is a joke.I don't understand some of these women who love someone just to get cheated and bitrayed.Love doesn't hurt or cheat.Wake up and open your eyes.He did it because you let him do it , and he'll do it again.Respect yourself and leave.You deserve better.It is very clear to my husband that if he cheats,even one time,i am out.He is stock to me like a glue.
2007-04-17 19:22:28 · answer #10 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋