My husband and I do not live together we have a very unusual relationship he has 3 children from his previous marriage. I have 2 from my previous marriage. We have a daughter together. We lived together for 4 years it was not a workable situation and we have lived apart for 4 years. I hate the situation. 2 of his children are grown up and one is 17 and they keep coming back home and going from mum to dad. My children do not get along with his children. They do not want to live with his children. We live in 2 separate homes. It is a very unahappy situation. I am angry because his children are older and will not stand on their own two feet. I need to have a life too. I am wondering when that is going to happen. My husband and I are going through a real rough patch and he is accusing me trust issues and seeing someone else. I am not seeing anyone. We are not getting along. I am feeling very upset angry, abanded and dissapointed in my life. Help me
2007-04-17 18:18:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have lived separate lives for a long time. Why are you still married? Trust issues, you don't care for his kids, or his parenting skills, you both question each other. Sounds like a love-hate relationship. Why waste more precious life on this loosing battle - it is not going to change. You need to stand up and be accountable and stop waiting around for 'things to change' because it's not going to happen. Good luck
2007-04-17 18:24:17 · answer #1 · answered by daffodil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but your marriage ended the day he moved out and chose not to merge your families. There are many things that could have been done to make the transition easier and maybe you tried and some of them didn't work. You both let your children decide what was best for you, the adults. That's not how it was meant to be and to allow that put you both in a position of being manipulated by your children.
You both have issues. The only way to resolve this one way or the other is through intensive counseling for both you, your husband and ALL the children. The behavior you describe is not healthy for anyone involved. You have essentially allowed your minor children to decide if you should be married to this man or not. They may have allowed the ceremony to happen, but clearly they didn't want the marriage to succeed.
How long were you involved before you married? I'm assuming there was little to no engagement period, else you would not have been caught unaware of your children's conflict. Get everyone to a counselor if you want to make this work. Even if he won't go, counseling will help you to move beyond this situation and heal before a new relationship.
I truly wish you all the best.
2007-04-18 01:48:44 · answer #2 · answered by DJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is definately a very weird situation. I would have to say that your husband does not care about you one little bit! I feel like you both made the mistake when you chose to live apart with your own children. I would say at this point you should just divorce, it will probably make everyone happy!
2007-04-18 01:44:38 · answer #3 · answered by **Mi$chieviou$** 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you said that you're very upset, angry, abandoned and feel disappointed about your life. Did it have to take 8 years of your life to do something about your situation. Four years of marriage and two years apart should have been long enough to settle yours differences. The two years the two of you lived apart, that is when you should seek out a marriage Counselor.
First thing first...you focus on your kids and provide them a happy environment and for yourself. Now, if his two grown kids don't want to stand up for themselves. Then that is their and the father problems and not yours.
If you want a life then stop crying about it and get out there and do it. If your husband is not mature enough to talk about the issue at hand. Let him suffer with his own stupidity, sound to me he want to blame you for his down faults. Listen, eight years have come and gone and there was no solution to the problem and no forward progress to save your marriage. Enough already! its time to let the dang boat sink! Go on and get your life started, you take care of your business and your kids and let him deal with himself and his grown kids.
good luck and many happy years too come!!!
2007-04-18 02:08:51 · answer #4 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW this is an easy one....if you really want to have a life???? and if you think you have the guts???? the go out and get a life dump that guy and his rotten kids and find a man who is single with no kids and make him your own... this is if you truly want to be happy like you say? also you u must own the fact that you made a "BIG" mistake marring this guy and his kids.....
2007-04-18 01:30:38 · answer #5 · answered by 4stringthndr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must decide if the lives of you and your children are better with him or without him. Counseling of course would help. Your kids come first.
2007-04-18 01:26:28 · answer #6 · answered by winkcat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never put kids in the mid of thing
2007-04-18 01:25:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋