My husband and I got in a huge fight last night, and I still cannot sleep. I thought I would come on-line adn do some question and answers and saw his cell phone right in front of me... I know I did a bad thing but I read one of his texts and it was to a woman appoligizing for an inapproiate text he sent the night before. (the night of our fight) Do I question him?
2007-04-17 17:21:16 · 29 answers · asked by Stella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course you do, and don't you let anyone tell you different. You're married, and he is married. That means he has no business talking or calling or texting another woman.
Something told you to wonder. So you did, and found out you were right to wonder.
That's smart, not nosy. People aren't saints, and noone is perfect. To expect that noone should ever, ever snoop and trust blindly is just foolish. There are boundaries of course, and if anyone lives that way, suspicious all the time with no trust then that's totally not healthy.
If he is cheating and bringing home some disease to you, reading his text is nothing compared to that. Or even the pain he's caused you by whatever this business is with another woman. Sometimes a girl's (or a guy) gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
You should NOT be worrying about whether or not you did something wrong, and DON'T let him turn it around on you.
If I were you I'd sit him down, where you totally have his attention and ask a simple question or two. Don't be confrontational or angry, take the high road.
Do NOT show any shame or guilt in reading his text or he will grab onto that. Just state it. Be brief.
Don't go on and on about what he did wrong and he hurt you. Tell him what you know and wait. Wait. Let him answer and hem and haw to explain.
It might not be that bad, but remember, you probably have only seen the tip of the iceburg.
Sorry to say, but when men get caught doing things they shouldn't, the first time you catch them is just that.
Not the first time they did these things, but the first time they got caught.
You have to ask yourself what's going on here, and what signs have I been missing, and do I trust him.
Good luck to you and I hope things work out for the best for you both.
2007-04-17 17:41:54 · answer #1 · answered by Marie123 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you don't question him. If you want to fight, ask. Sometimes it is best to keep our mouths shut, and our eyes open.
Okay lets look at what happened. It's all here to figure out without asking him. You two had a fight. (a big one) In a moment of weakness and anger, he texted a woman something sexual (You have a fine a**) OR something angry that no one needs to hear (My wife is such a c**t, I hate her right now). Later after some time, thought, and cool down he realized the text he made was a mistake and texted back saying he was sorry for texting an inappropriate message. That is what happened, nothing more, nothing less.
What is there to ask about? Seems pretty self-explanatory. Is this worth starting another fight over? Really? Or are you just still worked up about the other fight and are looking for another reason for it to continue. Sometimes in marriage you just have to suck it up.
2007-04-17 17:24:37 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yep, it sure is ok. Married people in healthy relationships don't hide things from each other. There is no privacy either. When I was married my husband could look at anything he wanted to, and I could do the same. Why would it be any other way? You are supposed to be partners, involved in each other's lives. There should not be any secrets between the two of you. If I had found that kind of message, I would have immediately been questioning him about it. Privacy schmivacy! He should be able to explain himself and the text message.
2007-04-17 17:35:12 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is ok to read his messages, if you think it would be ok for him to read yours. I am an open book. As Dr. Phil says, "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing" My husband can search anything he wants, because I have nothing to hide. I would not confront him right now though. Do some investigating and find out if there is something going on. If you confront him now, you might not ever know for sure. If he finds out that you snooped, quote Dr. Phil. Say, you can search anything of mine, I don't have anything to hide, I just needed some reasurance. Why is your husband texting another woman? I would be suspicious, but like I said, keep your cool so you can find out for sure. Good Luck!!
2007-04-17 17:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
By questioning him, he will surely think you were snooping around his cellfone and things and he would think that you do not trust him anymore... An incident and text message like that, though, would make me also want to question him. Do not bring it up spontaneously... that would startle him. Instead, hint around it and if he is in a good mood, then ask him. If he gets defensive, something must be up. Good luck and hopefully it is all just a misunderstanding!
2007-04-17 17:25:51 · answer #5 · answered by Minor Bunny Engine 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would ask him about it ,fighting or not if he sent a not so good message just after that fight you had , i would wonder what was going on before hand for him to feel comfortable sending her inappropriate message in the first place, and apparently he wanted you to find out or he would not have left his phone just laying around for you to mess with anyway
2007-04-17 17:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by rachel m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes question him! And I would continue reading his SMSs forever!
If he's got nothing to hide then he has no right to get angry at you (and if he DOES get angry at you, listen to your instincts - they'll probably tell you something fishy is going on).
Whether it agrees with a cushy world view that "everyone's lovely" or not, men CHEAT. They do. So do women, but all surveys conducted show that men are the greater cheaters. So make sure you remember that and be on your guard.
2007-04-17 17:27:31 · answer #7 · answered by Rachella 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you snooped. Perhaps it was justified for the greater good. Time will tell, now won't it? Actually, he's a jerk and this would be a good time to remind him of what he has, and what he stands to lose. Men need a little jolt upside the head every now and then. I will share this little secret with you: He is lucky to have you and it would be to his great detriment to lose you. In the interest of giving him a break this one time, set him straight this one time. Your future joy and special moments depend on it.
2007-04-17 17:26:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
some ppl have a big problem with reading other ppls text mssgs, but it shouldn't apply to spouses. would he come out and tell you about this "inappropriate text mssg" to another woman? probably not. why? because its the kind of subject that would start a fight!!! besides if he has nothing to hide, then he shouldn't mind...
2007-04-17 17:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by moonlitsky01 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's your husband, you have every right to question him.
As far as reading his text... do you think he's cheating on you, or wanting to? If so, don't feel guilty for reading the text.
Good luck honey. I'll be thinking about ya (I've been in your shoes).
2007-04-17 17:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋