How can i pretend to be romantic??

Question

How can i pretend to be romantic?Been married to hubby 3yrs recently seperated trying to give it one last shot.He is a romantic and i am well not a romantic.I dont really understand the concept of romance to begin with?I am hoping if i pretend to be as romantic as him it will solve at least one our problems.

I love my hubby and by romance i mean flowers ect.

Answer 1

I don't think you can pretend, but enjoy what he does for you. That is being pampered. Does he bring you flowers? Holds your hands? I wonder what you mean exactly.

Answer 2

Never pretend to be something you're not. It can only make the situation worse. When I was ready to leave my husband, he talked me into "giving it one last shot". He tried so hard to be what he thought I wanted him to be that it caused even more strain on us.

The best thing to do if you want to try to make your marriage work is to go for counseling. That means both of you go together and talk about what the real issues are. If you both want the relationship to work you have to learn how to communicate your real feelings and fix whatever issues have come between you.

It's natural for all relationships to go through their ups and downs and sometimes you just want to throw it all away. Divorce isn't always the best answer. Try going back to basics. What was it about this man that made you want to marry him? What was it that made him want to marry you?

Is your husband complaining about you not being romantic enough? If so, ask him to teach you how to be more romantic. You said you hope it would resolve at least one of your problems. Ask your husband what it is he truly wants to see change. I suspect romance will be somewhere down the list and not at the top. Talk to him about what you want to see change. Try to prioritize what needs to be worked on first. Talk to each other and get counseling. Once things start to get back on track, celebrate with a romantic dinner.

Answer 3

Straight-out pretending is likely to backfire, but in your other questions you say you are highly visual and he's modest, which gave me some ideas about how you might look at romantic parephenalia and an experiment for you to try.

Biologically speaking, flowers are a plant's genitalia. With a little imagination you can see the shapes echo the patterns of human genitalia, with different species emphasizing different features. Pink Floyd's movie "The Wall" has a scene that makes the parallel disgustingly literal, while lots of Georgia O'Keefe's paintings of flowers are both abstracted and erotically charged.

The red wavelengths emitted by candlelight is flattering to skin tones, and the non-directional light softens wrinkles and other flaws. And of course tapers and pillars are phallic symbols.

A lot of music is written specifically for dance, or it's based on dance music, and a lot of dance is symbolic or suggestive of sex.

Certainly as an interior designer you're in touch with how certain colors and textures, in the right context, are erotic.

My idea for an experiment is that you team up and make romatic/erotic movies. That legitimizes pretending as experimenting rather than deceiving, and the experience might get you on the same erotic wavelength. Since you're visual and he's romantic, I think you could stage a good seduction scene, with you handling set and costumes and him writing the script. It could be comical (woman falls asleep), outrageous (man gives up on niceties and exposes himself), coquettish (nothing happens, just titillation), or as explicit (fill in the blank) as you want it to be.

I also think the female voyeur theme has a lot of movie potential. It's an interesting gender twist since it's usually men who want visual stimulation more than women. The voyeurism could lead to crime and intrigue, like Hitchcock's "Rear Window", or just erotic scenes (check out "Basic Instinct" for use of mirrors in a scene with both voyeurim and exhibitionism).

Have fun,
Houyhnhnm

PS, I'm not claiming play-acting alone can save a marriage. I'm sure there are other problems you have to work on that are deeper than conflicting attitudes about flowers.

Answer 4

You can't fake romance. My advice is don't wait on him to do something romantic and then you have to go along with it. You make the first move. Do you something you like to do that might be considered romantic. Go for a picnic where you two can be alone, or make a candle light dinner. Surprise him with lingerie or something. But you have to want to do it. Don't start reading poetry if that's not your thing. Good luck and I hope things work out for you both this time.

Answer 5

Wow, you're my spouse's right opposite. She demands love each and all of the time and isn't any longer a super number of a seen guy or woman. It seems such as you would be nicely suited a hundred% with ninety 9% of adult males available who're seen and probably no longer into consistent romance - you may delight in the irony which you married a guy who's probably going certainly one of the a million%!

Answer 6

Do you like feeling loved and appreciated?

So does he.

So if he's trying to do something romantic even though it's not your thing keep in mind he's trying in the best way he knows how to show you love. Just appreciate the gesture, and it will go a long way.

If he brings you flowers instead of:

"Geez I can't believe you wasted money on flowers, you know I don't like them. What am I going to do with them now? I could put them in a vase for a few days and watch them rot. Better I just throw them away now..." etc

go with:

"Honey, what a sweet gesture. They're beautiful. I love that you're always thinking of me..." and then throw them away when he's not looking.

Make him feel good for trying to do things to show that he loves you, subtly encourage him to refine his efforts into things you really like (no discouragement at all, just encouragement) and you've got a good shot at making this all come out right.

Good luck

Answer 7

for one thing trying to pretend to be romantic does not work if your heart is not in to it it will never be and there must be some reason he is not with you right? don't try to fool yourself and stop wasting his time when you know that you are no good at what he wants you to be so get over yourself and start thinking about others more than your own selfish ways:) that is all I have to say.
If it is that broken and you know it is don't you? don't pretend to fix it you will be wasting his time and yours.
How can you live with the fact that you are doing this to the one you love?

Answer 8

How are you going to solve a problem by creating a new one? If you are pretending to be romantic...isn't that a lie? Why do you not want to be romantic? Do you love your husband? Are you just shy? He is supposed to be your best friend...someone you can talk to about anything. If he is the mushy type and you aren't maybe you can compromise....he can take you to just dinner...but you allow him to open the doors and order your dinner :) good luck!!

Answer 9

Dont pretend because, if things do work out for you both, it wont take him long to see that you were pretending. Just be intimate with him. Tell him all the things you love about him. Hold his hands over the dinner table. Tell him you love him, often!

Answer 10

i was the same way with my ex. he would write me poems and i would be like, "why don't you want to write me a letter or just tell me how you feel?" i couldn't understand why he had to put it into all these metaphors and rhymes and such. i guess some of us just prefer blunt honesty and loyalty to the "romance." needless to say now he has a girl who loves it and i have a guy who would never think to write me a poem.

so anyways...on to your question...if you light candles, play romantic music, dress sexy and make him dinner, i guess that would be romantic. however, if your just not feeling it, then your not meant for each other.

Answer 11

Pretend to be in love, be yourself. I honestly don't understand the full concept of your question. Does he want to talk,take long walks, have a nice sexy diner for two. I hope it works out for you. One thing I do know if you two are in love things have a way of working out. try not to be over critical.