Does anyone have the same husband issues?

Question

My husband and I have been married now for 10 Years. We have 5 beautiful boys. It just seems that lately he has been ignoring me. He dosent sit and have an adult conversation with me. But when his best friend comes over he will sit and discuss our personal issues with him. Yes i get upset because that should be me hes talking to. And anytime I do try to talk to him he dosen't understand me and thinks im complaining about something. But Im not. Am I wrong for feeling this way? And my husband and I own our own construction business. When he gets mad at me he will tell me His friend is going to work with him and he don't need me. That makes me feel like hes pushing me out of the way. We didn't get to where we are today with the help of his friend. They have only been friends for 4 years now. I dont understand he tells me he not going to help his friend and stuff but turns around and does. And anytime his friend is around Its like the kids and I arnt there. How do I get him to talk to me?

Answer 1

? sounds like he lost interest in you, ask questions... approach him, tell him your not happy... I hope he comes around.

Answer 2

Start planning dates for just you and your husband. Get a friend or relative to babysit and try to work thru some of these issues. If you don't you will both be in divorce court and it does not get easier. He will not want to pay child support on 5 children. Try to rekindle the relationship you had before the kids. Go to the movies, play cards, take a drive and just hang out with each other. You may need to see a counselor if all else fails. My ex husband did this and put his friends first, continued to do this until I couldn't take it anymore. He needs to get his priorities straight and be responsible. He is taking you and the kids for granted because he thinks you will always be there.

Answer 3

The reason you got married wasn't to share a bank account, at least I hope not. You got married for love. Finances are just an additive. It is okay to not have joint accounts you know. A lot of people do that for various reasons. some of them are independence, their own spending money, conveniencce, less fighting, and even planning for what may happen in the future. Look at the bright side, if you want to buy something expensive with your own account you can without being held accountable to him. in the event that something happens to the relationship or to him you will have a way to stand on your own two feet without the added stress of splitting money in a divorce or having to find a way to get all of the money out of escrow after death. I know that sounds morbid but you can never be too prepared for the what if. If you haven't been paying attention, there are hundreds of thousands people on this site alone that are having affairs or are victims of affairs as well as widowed. My husband and i have three accounts between the three of us. I have my own checking and saving as he does as well. We also have a joint account for bills. Try that out if you both can not come to an agreement.

Answer 4

My dh and I have this same issue in our marriage! He tells me it is because his best friend (also a guy) talks about sports (they both love football, running, biking, and triathlons) and people they know (they used to work together) and jokes and funny stuff; they laugh a lot when they are on the phone together. When he is talking to me I either stress him out by talking about something that will cost money in the future like we need a new refrigerator as our old one is broken or I talk about something boring like politics.

Also, when he tells me about work; he is having a very stressful new boss right now who has fired a bunch of people, I will get upset when the boss has done something jerky, which I know I shouldn't, and I'm sure his bf will just be reassuring and supportive. So basically I'm a terrible wife, and his bf is a great guy! So I stress and bore him, and his friend is exciting and funny. Which would you pick to talk to? He always picks his best friend!

Answer 5

My wife has a friend that she is quite close to. She confides in her, talks to her frequently, and probably talks about things with her that she doesn't talk about with me. And I am happy she has this outlet.

This "Yes i get upset because that should be me hes talking to" is a theme that re-occurs on the message board. Why? Where is it written that you have to be the first and only person your spouse confides in?

Maybe his friend offers him a perspective that you cannot. I'm sure its the same way with my wife and her friend. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. It means that he has your opinion, and probably after 10 years already knows your opinion before he asks for it. And nagging him to have an adult conversation is just going to make it worse.

As long as his best friend isn't named Brittany Spears or Paris Hiltion, I would let him have his time with his friend. When his friend leaves, you will still be there. If you want him around more, offer him a pleasant alternative to his friend.

Answer 6

First, ask yourself why this friend seems to have such a hold on your husband. How is the friend keeping your husband's attention so strongly?

Secondly, try to foster your own interests outside of your husband and the company you run together so that you will have something to talk to him about. When you and he talk, all your conversations are probably about work or kids. Men are like dogs. The more you chase after them, the faster they will run from you. But if you appear to be having fun without them, suddenly they are chasing you.

Answer 7

It could be that since you have five boys you don't get enough time alone. I know that my husband sometimes gets overwhelmed with everything, and it's just easier for him to talk to another guy. Maybe you two just need more time alone without the kids. Why don't you arrange for a sitter at least a couple of times a month so that you two can go out on dates together? Maybe that will help.

Answer 8

I am sorry, I don't mean to be funny, but I will make your day! He is after his friend. LOL, he abvious likes being around him instead of you. I am only kidding. Calmly talk to him that you really want to talk to him and that you will listen to what he has to say. I think he owes you that much; after all you have given him 5 beautiful boys! When you talk to him, don't argue with him. Tell him everything what it is bothering you, but calmly. If he is not going to communicate with you, then simply write him a long letter explaining and questions you have for him. Tell him you care about the marriage, and you would like to know what it is you are doing wrong that he is resenting you, etc. Good luck!

Answer 9

Something has changed for your husband and you need to find out what it is. You aren't wrong for feeling left out. But you have to get to the root of the issue. You have to talk and if he is unwilling, he has changed your relationship as man and wife. You have a right to know what it going on. Have you always had a good one on one or is this just more of the same? Get some answers and then decide where you need to move next.

Answer 10

You need to "Spice" up ur marriage! Do something KiNkY for him and he'll be interested in you ALL OVER AGAIN! trust me! Then he'll have something important to talk about to his friend. Show up at the construction office in nothing but a trench coat (hairless too *everywhere*) and he'll be back in love faster than you can say "screw me baby!!" However, if he doesn't "Jump" to that moment and ravage you like crazy, you might wanna consider him being "gay" with his so called "friend". Any hubby would LOVE their wife trying new spontanious things. Try it!! Good Luck

Answer 11

The best way to get a man to "talk" is to be a man. Men and women are so different. We want to talk, they think we are nagging. Men are not people of many words.

I would highly suggest picking up 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura. You may not like her or agree with her, but that woman KNOWS men and understands them. It can help alot in helping you to understand why he is who he is and how you can change to become that person he will come to.