Overreacting Husband?

Question

My husband of 10 years overreacts to pretty much everything. He puts 110% of himself into his work and career and going golfing with his buddies and when he is at home he is always barking orders at the kids and if they don't respond within a split second he goes off on them and acts like they just got brought home by the police for something awefull. One is 10 and the other is 8. He has no patience with them and no interest in trying to talk to them and teach them. He rarely spends any quality time with them and has the attitude of children should be seen not heard. He doesn't do anything with our son and when i finally get him to go outside and play catch or shoot hoops they are back in in about 5 minutes for one reason or another and its usually the "fault" of our son. I dont know what to do. I grew up with a father that was very similar but worse as he could be physically abusive. My husband in not.

Answer 1

You chose a dissociated man because you had that same relationship with your father. It is still a manner of abuse. When you can come to terms with that, you may be able to move out of your situation and get healthy with your kids. If you can come to terms with this, you will be ready to give this guy a kick to the the curb.

Answer 2

I flipped over to your side when you mentioned that you hear more about his thoughts and day when you overhear him on the phone to her. It is hard to say whether or not he feels anything untoward for her or not, or if she is just a better listener than you are. I guess I would not say anything now - but I'd start making sure that I wasn't neglecting him in some way. Maybe if you show more of an interest in what his day is like and what is going on with him, he wouldn't be sharing all that with someone else. I'd also tell him that you are not comfortable with his spending time at her house [kids or no kids] when you and her husband aren't there. So, no, you are not overreacting, but I would perceive it more as a sign that something isn't quite right between you and him, and maybe not so much that he is cheating.

Answer 3

I divorced my husband over these kinds of issues because things continued to get worse. Now, he actually spends more quality time with them because it is scheduled by the court and he does not want his kids to not see him, especially since I remarried. I tried to talk to my ex about having patience and spending more time with the kids, but there was always something better to do, like drink with his friends. The only thing that forced him to change was getting a divorce. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it may be the end result of your situation when you get tired of him putting down the kids for no reason or complaining about everything. Expect him to fight for more visitation, if this occurs, just out of spite. Your kids are older than mine and they are seeing how he handles relationships, so keep this in mind too. I chose to leave the rel. because I have 2 boys and did not want them to grow up thinking it was ok to treat your wife and kids like crap. Divorce is not easy, but it sometimes is in the best interest of the children.

Answer 4

he's unhappy at home..plain and simple...i'm not taking sides by any means, but if you asked him how is life was from his perspective, he would probably give something completely different....i'm in a similair situation my girlfriend is a office nurse (8-5 mon-fri) i'm a bartender (7-4am wed-sat) not good! i imagine your kids are missing the " father' in the relationship..as is my "daughter"....i have noticed since i went back to bartending my girlfriend's daughter starting being a bit "rebellious"....this is frustrating for me,and it takes a toll on a relationship.......maybe, just maybe, you should ask yourself why does he feel the need to spend so much time away? if you want him to spend more time at home make a "sales pitch"....cook him his favorite dinner, find a movie he likes, do something bad!...if this doesn't work keep trying and asking....good luck,,,p.s. he might just be stressed out at work

Answer 5

Well, I agree, this sux. But the big problem is that I have never seen guys like this change without being kicked to the curb by 2 or 3 divorces. Even then, they have to work their butts off to keep their stupid mouths shut. Good luck, I feel sorry for you. The weird thing is, even coming to Jesus rarely has the desired effect on his type. They are just so clueless it is amazing. Sorry, hon.

Answer 6

Thank God my ex-husband was not like yours, but unfortunately my partner now, sounds just like yours (also thank God my partner now has nothing to do with my kids).


I agree with answer that says that this type never change...I have waited five L O N G years listening to gruff, self-centre BS. Maybe it's time you left. The children's father is worse than absent, he is abusive - children should never be made to feel responsible for their parents emotional problems...good luck

Answer 7

what do you know you married a man just like the one that married dear 'ol mom did your dad ever change i assume not don't expect your husband to change either.you have 2 choices you can stay and with out a doubt both of your sons will grow up to be like dad (we become our parents whether we want to or not or we marry them)or leave and let them know that if they do become him that they take a chance on loosing everything hard choice glad I'm not you.i would suggest some therapy but don't think your husband would go for it, he probably doesn't see a problem here.

Answer 8

He does not like his children and regards them as a burden.

He is an authoritarian indivdual who takes little real joy in life.

I can only suggest that you encourage your children to form friendships with others, and to develop as wide a range of interests as possible so tthey don't feel the lack of paternal love.

Answer 9

Sounds like your husband is emotionally abusive, absent emotionally from you and the children...why are you still with him? I suggest you get some counseling for yourself and the children! If you have any hope of creating a descent relationship with your children when they get older, do it now!

Answer 10

It sounds like your hubby has some issues. Were his parents like this? He needs counseling. Wanting your kids to succeed is one thing; expecting too much and becoming abusive is another. He sounds like he is super stressed too. Maybe a relaxing vacation for the two of you is needed.