how do you like my poem, no to harsh of comments im only 12?

Question

here it is:



i am a space cadet.
in my space suit.
having fun.
orbiting the sun.
super-fast.
avoiding planet blasts.
i twirl and spin.
just whirl in the winds.
never want to reappear.
into that lonly atmostfear<< is that how you spell it?
because when if i do.
i will be horribley blue.
for its that gravity.
pulling me down.
trying to land me .
safely onto the ground.
no longer will i jump.
and fly a thousand feet.
because that pressure is pushing down .
disrupting my fleet.
id rather do backflips.
in zero gravity.
than be lost.
safe and sound on the ground.
looking to be free.

-by chloe...*

be honest

atmostphere, sorry had a moment while writing this.

Answer 1

I think this is a great poem. It is full of imagery and feeling. I can 'see' you up there above the 'lonely' atmosphere. (Check your spelling on the word lonely and on the word 'horribly') I think that even though 'atmosfear' is not the proper spelling, it lends a creative touch to the overall feel of the poem. The word 'fear' conveys your reluctance to come down from space.
I loved the paradox at the end. The way you expressed the feeling of being lost yet safe and sound on the ground seems to be a very clear message that you are growing up quickly and you are struggling between being a kid and longing to be grown up.
I really enjoyed this piece, Chole. Post some more poems!
Oh, by the way...What is the title of this poem? If you are having a hard time coming up with a title, perhaps you could ask for suggestions from the Yahoo Answerers.


If you want to interact with other poets and learn as well, go to www.allpoetry.com

I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Bye for now,
Breelynn

Answer 2

For your age level you did an excellent job. I am glad to see that poetry is a part of your life. It's a great way to express yourself. I write poetry also and my writing seems to reflect how I'm feeling at the time I write it. Keep up the good work and continue to write. Writing helps relax me when I am sad or upset. I pour how I'm feeling, out on the paper and not only does it make me feel better, but I have produced a masterpiece that reflects me..

Answer 3

This poem shows you have an active mind and thats a very good thing.Your skills will continue to grow as you do so you should have a lot to look forward to. Keep writing and thinking and you'll do fine. Poetry isn't about proper grammar and education, its about what you want to say and how you want to express yourself. Its the lyrical picture you want to paint with words of your own choosing. Praises for you chloe,keep it up.

Answer 4

I think the word you're looking for is "atmosphere."

The poem isn't bad...you convey your message well, but you broke your rhythm a few times, I'm guessing that was in order to get the sentences to rhyme. If you reworded a few parts, you might be able to accomplish both.

Keep writing. You have some potential.

Answer 5

it's a nice poem chloe, by the way it's spelt atmosphere. Its good for a twelve year old. Bit long, but apart from that its pretty good, congrats

Answer 6

Send this to an English professor at your local university. The foots have no rhythm (I did not map them out) and I'm confused with the stanza's. Needs work, but; you have a bright future if you continue with it.

Answer 7

Hi! Good start. You should add atmosphere. Not the best. Ask your teacher for guidance. She/he will help you a lot. It's a little bit too long. But I really like it! : P

Answer 8

Those who were critical forgot that they to were once 12 and evedently forgot how to live in the moment. you my dear one did a wonderful job and have great potiental. Please keep it up. We need great poets for our time. gob bless and keep up the writing

Answer 9

Very good for a 12 year old. (atmosphere)

Keep at it.

Answer 10

i am 10 that is ok i am in 3rd grade going to 4th.
i love it so much