My mom keeps calling me an idiot & making me cry so hard?

Question

I'm fourteen & a good daughter. I get straight A's & I always try to help her when I can. She bought me Proactiv last month & I was really grateful & I used it every day. I used the cleanser in the shower because I thought that was okay. When I casually told her that, she suddenly yelled at me saying I had to use it at the sink, not the shower. & she kept yelling & screaming saying that's stupid & I'm an idiot who doesn't have any sense & I started bawling tears. Then she just went on calling me an idiot & saying I don't appreciate anything & she was dumb for trusting me & I'm bad. I just don't know what to do, I just can't stop crying, what did I do wrong?

Answer 1

You haven't done anything wrong. Your mom sounds like she needs help, but in the mean time you need to find help. Maybe a school counselor to talk to, or even a close friends mother you can trust. Find someone older and wiser you can talk to, who may in turn talk to your mom eventually.

Answer 2

*Wow...sorry to say but it's parents like your mother who make children grow up to be hateful and resentful towards other kids and it also makes them have a problem with authority figures.*

~I'm not sure what sort of a past you and your mother have together, and if you father is still in the picture...and if he is why he is not sticking up for you? Or how come you aren't living with your father...if you and your mom are obviously not getting along with each other.~

~Anyways you are young and your mom should probably get her head out of her butt and realize that you need her more than ever. And WOW you are 14 and have straight A's and you sound like you are a really good "kid" ANY parent who has half a brain would LOVE to have a kid like you pulling that off :)

*Well you're smart....whether your mom thinks so or not. The only idiot is her...because there is no directions on the Proactiv saying you can only use it in the sink...lol...the shower/bathtub is like a GIANT sink...so it's the same difference. That's really odd that your mom would get all weird over that though?! I use Proactiv and I use mine in the shower...lol..the feds haven't come to arrest me for it yet, so it must be okay!

**Anyways maybe you should try to go stay with your other family members, because you aren't treated right at home. But just remember you are a very smart girl, and when you land a big career one day and you're rich....you can tell your mom "I told you so." **

~She'll be in the poor house. Then you can tell her how terrible she is....and let her know you want nothing more to do with her anymore.~

**You did nothing wrong, don't feel bad.**

......you have a lot going for you it sounds like, don't let someone like her pull you under and bring you down and ruin it for you.

Answer 3

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear this. Before I begin to answer your question, I want to remind you of this important fact. You are NOT an idiot nor any other degrading name. You are a loving and decent and very good human being. Always remember that, okay? I really don't understand why your mother would be so upset at you for using the Proactiv in the shower. If you can use it in the sink, then why not the shower? If she is concerned about clogging the drain, it doesn't cause that to happen. If it did, the sink would be clogged, right? Also, if your mom is concerned about the products getting on her, that wouldn't necessarily happen because while you're in the shower, the water is continuously running, thus washing any product away. Hon, you didn't do anything wrong. Your mom shouldn't be so emotionally upsetting towards you and for really no apparent reason. All because you used Proactiv in the shower? You are human and people make mistakes, all the time. We all do! However, that doesn't give anyone the reason to degrade and call names to hurt feelings, which your mother has done. You've apologized and still, she insists on calling you these names. Sweetheart, don't take these names to heart. I'm sure your mother loves you but at times, it appears as if she has a strange and less-than-stellar way of showing it. Once things have cooled down with your mom (and if you feel you can safely do this), by all means, ask her why she repeatedly hurt your feelings in the way that she did? Remind her that you are human and humans do make mistakes. See where this goes from this point. Now if she begins to get all worked up about you questioning her (and some parents do which is unfortunate; especially when you know that they know they've made a tremendous mistake), then stop while you're ahead and try writing her a letter instead. Remind her how much you love her (and I'm sure she loves you) at the end of the letter, and see how she approaches you. If by that time Sweetie, she hasn't responded to you, then talk with you know personally and whom you can trust about what is happening. I may be wrong (and in many ways I hope I am) but for some reason, I have the feeling she does this quite often; especially after she's done something nice for you. It appears that all of a sudden she turns against you--almost as if she feels like since she's bought you or have given you this or that, you owe her repeated "thank you's" and the like. I have an aunt like this who did the EXACT thing to me as a teenager back in the day. Some people are like this because while they love you and love getting things for you, they somehow get this nasty attitude about it--as if they've spent way too much money on you (and if they did), they somehow turn against you and want to make you feel bad about anything that you do. It's a very strange yet real thing that happens to many people, all the time. I'm sure you thanked her with not only saying those words, but like you said, with being the great daughter that you are and with receiving great grades. But Honey, remember, you are not doing those things for her, BUT for you. You have great plans on going very far in this life and it's up to you to get yourself there. And you're doing just that with the good grades and being the VERY special person that you are! REMEMBER YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL AND NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE THOSE PRECIOUS THINGS AWAY FROM YOU. THE WORLD IS YOURS FOR THE TAKING AND YOU, HON, CAN HAVE ANYTHING THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER. NEVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL OTHERWISE OR LESS THAN. But please know too, that your mother is human and she too can make mistakes, which in this case, she has, by calling you names and making you feel terrible. She may be one of those parents who might apologize (I hope she is), or she may be one of those parents who feel she has done nothing wrong. Whichever one she is, just know in your heart that she loves you. She, unfortunately didn't express it in the way that would be appropriate. I hope this will pass and with the both of you talking about it with each other and sealing it with a hug and kiss and an "I love you" and reminding you that you are in fact a very great daughter. Here's wishing you the best Sweetie!

Answer 4

are you crying because the yelling hurts your ears or are you crying because she had a bad day? I used to get frightened at heat from my mom's mouth cause she used to get so close to me when she screamed, and I learned to hate bad breath cause my dad would say those things up close too.

Everyone makes mistakes, and you're learning, and that's ok. I don't know what Proactiv is but if it came in a box surely there were directions...so next time read the directions.
Take a glass of milk to feel better, pop a vitamin to help you stop crying, and get some rest. The next day will be better, or different. But NEVER let what people say (even parents) bother you. If you have to substitute the words she says that are mean to nice words so you won't cry so hard then do that.

Answer 5

Hi Liz. What's best is right in your first line: you're a good daughter. I'm a single mom who has been known to overreact to small (and not so small) mistakes my kids make every so often (I worked on it and am much better now), and I was raised by parents who acted a LOT like you describe your mom acting. She was probably just freaking out because of the cost, afraid that using it in the shower (which is okay per instructions I believe) would use it twice as fast or something.

When she starts yelling at you, remind yourself to keep breathing deeply, and say positive things to yourself in your head, like "I'm a good person and I always try my best." If you start to cry because you can't help it, that's okay, but keep breathing, keep thinking something positive, and retain your dignity. Do not yell back, and do not behave like a victim. Do not think like a victim. Doing this will only make her treat you worse (if she senses victim behavior in you, it reminds her that she's being a bully, and that will upset her even more, that's why this happens).

This situation is out of her control to some extent, and of course it is not your fault. But that doesn't mean it's totally out of your control.

One book that might help you is THE GENTLE ART OF VERBAL SELF-DEFENSE. Also, Thich Nhat Hanh's ANGER: WISDOM FOR COOLING THE FLAMES. You should be able to find both through your local library; if you can find them on CD, so much the better. Both will teach you to be a very powerful person who can take very good care of herself in all situations. Expect it to be hard and painful sometimes. But all those movies are right... if you believe in yourself, you can do miracles. So treat yourself to activities that fan that flame of belief in yourself (I like watching movies with Cinderella themes, myself).

To cut the cost of Proactiv in half, I buy my son Acne Free at Walmart for less than $20 for a 2 months supply, and it really works. If the cost of Proactiv is just too much for her budget, you could suggest Acne Free, or even buy it yourself. The other thing that will help is to move past being upset with her once you have regrouped after one of her outbursts. Get some support from your friends, or even a school teacher or counselor. Parents who light into their kids that way certainly should stop, but often they don't appreciate how what they're doing feels, and generally it was done to them (often worse). There's no need to hang on to the pain just to "show" them. Take care of you. Sounds like you've got an outstanding start. Email if you want some more support. Good luck!

PS: All these well-meaning people who are telling you what your mother needs (to stop, anger management, etc.) will not do you any good, because the only person who's behavior you have any influence over is you. Use your own behavior to influence your mother to behave better, indirectly. It's the best way. And know that you are never, never alone. ;-)

Answer 6

Your mom is not right in treating you that way. You didn't do anything wrong here. If you can talk to her tell her how it feels when she calls you an idiot and yells at you. If you can't talk to her, because she won't listen, then turn to a friend or a couseler. Don't let yourself start to think there is something wrong with you, there isn't. If she over reacts like that alot, she may be dealing with something, like an anger issue, or bi-polar. Its hard to say, but maybe she needs some help too.

Answer 7

You aren't an idiot and you aren't bad. If this happened exactly like you say, it sounds like maybe you caught your mom in a really bad mood, and she completely took it out on you. Try to keep in mind that sometimes there might be other stuff going on in her life that might be giving her stress that causes her to overreact. If there is another adult family member you can talk about this with, or a counselor at school, go for it. That might help you understand that she doesn't really mean it when she says those things to you- she is lashing out for other reasons that are not your fault at all.
Try to be patient with her and don't let in bother you (as much as possible, I know it's hard) . Don't fight with her either, think before you speak because two wrongs aren't going to make a right- you don't want to say anything you may regret later. Hang in there, it's a rough time but it will pass!!

Answer 8

This is child abuse. Take a deep breath, go somewhere in the house where you can relax. Tommorrow, tell a teacher or counselor that you are being verbally abused at home and are afraid this situation will have a bad effect on your grades.
Do not believe what she is saying.
Interesting that while the she-wolf is ranting and raving, you're on the web, looking for answers.
Unfortunately, your mom moght be a sick woman who needs help and until she gets it, you need a safe place to go. I wish you well.
Psychological abuse is as bad as physical abuse, I think it's more painful in some cases.
I wonder who abused her. Clearly, something is making her lash out at you like this and I don't think it's you or the frigging cleanser or anything related to anything you've done. It's most likely something in her own life that's making her miserable.
Abuse of a child is unacceptable, immoral and illegal. I hope she gets a grip really soon. Your relationship with her depends on it.
Keep things in perspective. seek counseling, stay out of her way and talk to a minister or a counselor or to someone who can help you.
I am really sorry that you are experiencing this. Do NOTkeep your mother's secret. Tell someone. please. Your sanity, safety and sense of self-esteem depend on you talking to someone who can help you get through this tough time.
I am sending you a hug. ()

Answer 9

Some people are bad parents and take it out on their kids. I feel your pain and hope your mom will get some help. You're obviously not stupid. Try to find something that makes you happy and don't let her bother you too much.

If you can, try to talk to your mom when she's calm and tell her how you feel. Tell her what you've told us and how bad you're hurting. Maybe she's under a lot of pressure and just can't cope with her own life. I'm trying to give your mom the benefit of the situation.

Answer 10

Yea, you have a problem there, but you need to understand that people act like that everywhere, at a bar if you spill a drink on someone by accident, or it can be a boss at your job. So, bottom line you sound like a good and caring kid, try not to let peoples temper tantrums get you down, give the person acting immature and hour or so, then go apologize if you did something wrong, and talk to them, if they start to raise their voice, keep yours calm, and when they see you calm, people usually start to calm too.

Good Luck, don't be to hard on your mom, mine was the same way. It does get easier as you get older.

So Sayeth the Impaler!

Answer 11

I think she's over reacting. It's not you...it's her. Maybe she's frustrated over money right now, and thinks you'll end up wasting the stuff in the shower...but that's NO excuse to call your child an idiot. I know it's hard to tune it out because she's your mother, but even parents are wrong sometimes. She's wrong to say such hurtful things to you. She could have a MUCH worse child to have to deal with...and even then, you don't call your child stupid and an idiot.