My kids keep asking me why me and my ex wife broke up. Should i just tell them that their mother is a cheating sl*t? She cheated and left me for another man. I won't be telling them something they aren't going to find out on their own.
2007-04-17 12:48:40 · 35 answers · asked by Michael N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, the cheating was between you and her. Your kids should not be subjected to this. Let them find out on their own. You will come across a LOT better as a parent to them if you do.
2007-04-17 12:52:25 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT TELL THEM. This happened in my family, and now the kids are messed up, half of them refuse to speak to our mom, the other half refuse to speak to our dad. Time for a reality check - you only want to tell them to hurt your exwife, but you are only going to be hurting the kids. You need to stop being selfish and think about what is best for the kids and not for you. When they ask why you divorced, you tell them that you just had some problems you couldn't work out - which isn't a lie, by the way. They will figure it out on their own if they need to, and then they will need your love and understanding. At NO point should you call their mother names or cut her down in front of the kids. I understand that you are going through a LOT of pain, but relieving yourself on your kids like that is the same as pissing on them - it's going to cause more problems, and at the end of the day you will probably feel awful about it. My advice is that you seek counseling to help you deal with the horrible situation that your exwife got you into and how to deal with your anger without hurting the kids.
2007-04-17 12:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. No. No. No. Nonononononononononono. Your JOB as a father is keep your kids secure and teach them how to make it in the world. Your job is NOT belittling their MOTHER no matter how wronged you feel by her. At most, you should tell them that sometimes two people don't get along anymore and they need to move on without each other... but telling them their mother is a slut? What would that possibly accomplish? Why would you drop your drama on them? Putting her down doesn't make you any better. PLUS, if they see that bitterness in you, it will most likely work against you in that they would understand why their mother left you. Do you understand? Don't bring hate. Teach love and acceptance. And perhaps maybe learn some acceptance for yourself.
2007-04-17 12:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, if I were the kid, I wouldn't really want to know until much later, when all the emotions were gone. My parents split when I was 9, I didn't know why, other than all of the fighting. Both of them were very careful not to talk bad about each other in front of me, which made it a lot easier to deal with. Only later, when I became an adult, did my mom start opening up about what the marriage was really like. By that time I was able to see my parents as people who made mistakes, and not infallible beings. I knew that I loved them both, regardless of how poorly they had treated each other. In other words, I had enough distance to keep my love for my parents separate from their failed relationship, and the reasons that went along with it. I know you're angry at your wife, but bad-mouthing her (even if what you say is true) to your kids is probably not the best way to go.
2007-04-17 12:56:19 · answer #4 · answered by Jas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't. You should be the bigger person here. What happened between you and their mother is between the two of you only. Just tell them that you couldn't get along and leave it at that. This will only end up hurting them knowing the truth. Do you really want to hurt them? If she is as bad as you say let them find out and make their own judgment on this she is and will always be their mother.
2007-04-17 12:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to hurt your children. regardless of what she did, she is still their mother, to put her down is to put them down. Why can't you tell them she was not happy and had to move on. Like you say, they will find out one day. Children do not need to hear how bad their mom or dad is. And by the way you call her a slut, I'm betting she had reason to leave. Is your past so clean that you can afford to throw stones. In any case, children need love and guidance, anything else would create uncertainty and low self esteem.
When my first husband went out cheating, I divorced him, and I did not make the kids suffer for what he did. Life happens, move on!
2007-04-17 16:40:53 · answer #6 · answered by deer_doe2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the ages of your children. you are in a difficult situation because you love your children and you don't want them to get hurt. you can tell your kids that its better for both of you to go separate ways than quarrel everyday. That there will be lots of peace in the house if you'll let go. Giving her freedom is the best thing you have done to protect your children. DIvorce is a mess for kids. It will destroy them or save them. Do not destroy the image of their mother for they will be hurt and destroyed. Just tell that marriage is not working for the two of you. When time comes and they are big enough to understand then you can tell them. kids are difficult to talk to because with their little minds they try to understand everything but cannot comprehend. Just think that you are protecting them.
2007-04-17 12:59:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jean A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly believe that one parent should never put down another parent to their children. As you said...they will find out on their own. A bad person will show their true colors. You didn't say how old your children are and that is an important factor. Let your children know that you and your ex just grew apart but that you both still love them. Children feel bad about themselves when they have a bad parent.
2007-04-17 12:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell them. You will only hurt them and hurt yourself. Protect them as long as you can, if they find out let it be own their own. Don't put that hurt in their lives. If you are having a hard time dealing with it, imagine how they would feel. If you tell them it will be because you want to make your wife look bad in their eyes. Be the bigger person for the sake of your children. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-04-17 12:57:18 · answer #9 · answered by BROWNIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of your respondents have answered no, and that, hon is the correct answer. They probably know anyway, but they don't need to hear it from you. The workings of your marriage is between the two of you, and does not include your children. Be a class act and NEVER bad mouth her in front of them... not ever, not even when they are older. Not cool.
My parents divorced and I knew why, but neither downgraded the other to me. It was none of my business other than to be reassured that I had nothing to do with it, and that they both still loved me, that they just couldn't continue to live with each other.
Be a class act, hon, and leave your marriage out of their enviornment.
2007-04-17 13:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋