I am 30 years old, single and am having an affair with a 44 y/o married woman. I have questions for you?

Question

I thought I could handle the fling without emotion, but now I realize that I cannot. After 7 months, I am in love with her.

Here is my problem, I think she loves me also but does not want to part with her older husband who is a big time bread winner but is very crude. I do not know how Sara and I happened, we just did and we cannot stop. We enjoy each other tremendously, I do give her what she does not get at home. However, I don't think she will leave him for anybody at this time.

So should I break it off? Somehow I do not know if I can, I am madly in love with Sara. I appreciate your opinions and please understand, we have a very strong love for each other and cannot just flip a switch and stop seeing each other.

What are your thoughts?

Yes I want to marry her. No, I cannot stop seeing her. Our relationship has evolved and I am hoping that things will change soon. She loves me very much but she has two teens at home. Here is one thing I left out. As soon as her 14 and 16 year old leave for college, I think she will leave her husband for me. But that is still a long time to wait when you need someone in your life constantly.

I keep giving her so much that she cannot resist me either, we cannot resist each other because she give a lot to me also. But I need to marry her soon, this is taking it's toll on me.

Tally, she has two teens at home now, she will not disrupt their high school years. Yes, Sara loves me Tally, I know it, you don't. Sara always tells me she loves me and I feel it in her heart.

Answer 1

If she won't leave him. Leave her.

Answer 2

I left the church shortly before I turned 19. As soon as I turned 18, the pushing started. I had an interview with my Bishop about marriage, and how it was important that I started looking. They transfered me to the singles ward right away. I was constantly being set up, even so far as people making bets on how long it would take me to get married (I guess you could say I;m fairly attractive). If my parents had missionaries over for dinner, jokes were cracked about them coming back to marry me. My Dad had even talked to me about being married before I turned 19. I hadn't even MET anyone yet! Not long after, I QUIT!! The pushing was the main factor at first. But, followed by a lot more and making me very firm in my decision. My family in fact did the same about a year later. Now, I have been dating my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, we live together, and are in the process of buying a house. My parents are now the last ones to push us towards marraige.

Answer 3

This is going to be a life lesson for you, and no matter what anyone says you are just going to follow your heart and not your mind. If I was you I would end things with her, but I can only say that because I have already been in a similar situation and it ended very badly. I have been there and so because of my experience I am stronger now and I can make more rational choices. I have the perspective to see where this is going and I am telling you now you are doing yourself a disservice by being with someone who is married. Furthermore, for her to stay in a marriage with another man and carry on a love affair with you says she is not willing to commit to you. I truly wish you the best and hope that the things will be ok. But, based on what I have been through you are on your way to being disappointed and being heartbroken. Ask yourself this, what would happen if her husabnd found out?

Answer 4

i read your new post which refered me back to this question. you're in a difficult situation. can i ask you whether you see her in every angle, every side of life and share many views of life together? if you only had little time with her because of her married life with children, time is precious and it makes you feel more intense and wanting to be with her more. it's possible both of you two love each other truly and because of her children, you two can't be together. but what if something changes at the end of 3 years, would you look back and think that you wasted your time waiting for her? if not, you can hold on waiting. plus you're still young, you'll be 33 and it's not a big deal to find another woman at that age. you might wanna think from everyone's angle, like her hubby, her, her children, her relatives, your relatives and etc. understand what a big picture is like in reality and make the best decision for yourself. be honest. if you gain more happiness out of this fling turned relationship, stay. if not, you have every reason to leave. i feel i am not saying the right thing telling you to stay cause it's just usually not morally right with a married person. so what does this say about her to you? take your time, think through and make your decision. be happy with your decision and choose what you love. good luck!

Answer 5

I look at is this way...if you are madly in love with her and enjoy the time you spend with her than why break it off...because deep down you want her to be your wife? As long as you never had it in your head that you wanted her as your wife than why stop seeing her...if he is such an older husband than your 44 year old lover (maybe in his 60s or so) I would stay stick around and hopes he kicks the bucket (that is mean...) but honestly I think there is nothing wrong with loving her and having fun as long as you don't want her for a wife...

I'm starting to think you want to marry her...is that how you are feeling now? If that is the case, than yes, leave her...but if not, than have fun...

you can still love someone without being married to them...

Answer 6

I was in the same boat you are in now, I was in love I wanted to marry my girlfriend as well but in the end it was her family that she built with her husband that came first she wanted to leave and marry me butt it was not meant to be we have been seperated now for 3 months I still think of her from time to time but in the long run its what was best for us both of us, you should find somebody who is not married and single like you, believe me I know what you are going through I even asked the same question you did on this site and the best answer I got was to find somebody else and they were right, I am still single I ahve not found anybody yet but I know there is somebody out there for me it's just a matter of time, you should leave her if you love her leave her best of luck buddy

Answer 7

You think her husband treats her bad now.....Just wait until he finds out about you and her....Not only will he treat her worse than he is now, but you too. After 7 months, he may already know about the 2 of you. If he is a "big time bread winner" as you say.....then I am sure that he has plenty of of bread to pay for a private investigator to follow both of you and get all the evidence he needs to get rid of her and not have to pay her one red cent. He may also be able to sue you for alienation of affection if the law permits in your state. In short you are playing with fire....and one if not both of you ARE going to get burned.

Answer 8

You need to get out what happens if you get what you want she might do the same sh*t again in a few yrs have you even thought of that you may be madly in love with her but I bet this is not her first affair she might be in love but it probably ain't you its probably in love with love or danger excitement there is a huge list it could be but can you really consider marrying a lady that would do this to her husband think of your self respect will you still respect yourself for being with a woman you can never really trust (TRUST ME YOU WONT TRUST HER EVER) Please I know you feel strongly but Please think of her kids and her husband is it fair that you are ruining their lives and their image of her with this nonsense

Answer 9

You are confusing love with lust. She will not leave her husband no matter how good you are in bed. She is having fun with you and you got wrapped up in the game. You are just her little squeek toy. You better make sure her husband doesn't find out or you could be fish food.

Answer 10

If "always wanting her, and never having her", is how you want to live the rest of your life, then you will continue. She is NEVER going to leave her husband! Are you satisfied with "stolen moments"? I KNOW you're in love, and I also know it's hard to break it off, but that's what you need to do. Good Luck!

Answer 11

I'm sorry to say this, but I believe you are in love with this woman. However, she isn't in love with you. If she were in love with you she would give up her security of money, lifestyle, whatever with her husband and be solely devoted only to you. I don't see that happening. You need to move on.