My girlfriend and I have just got engaged. We have been together for 4 years and we are very happy. Trouble is I work in a city 80 miles from her and its impossible for me to change jobs as I run a big business there. She can change easier as she is a school teacher. Trouble is all her friends and family live in her city so she doesn't want to move away from them. I can't see the point in us getting married if we can't live together in the same city. Is she selfish? Should she move for our future? Should I do a nightmare commute for her?
2007-04-17 11:17:43 · 11 answers · asked by Simon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why not compromise. Find a place to live that is between the two locations.
2007-04-17 11:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by Teresa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years as well, and we lived in different states while I was in college. My best friend lived in a different country from her fiancee while he was trying to get a visa. The point is that living apart can be done, but it should only be done as a means to an end. You sound like you have a great job and it would be extremely detrimental to leave it; however your girlfriend does have more flexibility, as much as she loves her job, friends, and family. 80 mi away is a pretty easy drive for visiting, let's be honest. For commuting to and from work everyday, it would be a nightmare. Yes, your girlfriend IS being selfish. She needs to realize that when she accepted your proposal she decided to create her own family, and she should prioritize you and the relationship over her family and friends. If she absolutely will not budge on the subject, rethink the engagement, seriously. If she is not willing to make you a priority right now, then she will not do it later...this gives you an insight into the person that you are about to marry. I am sure she is wonderful in all other ways, but you ought to ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who doesn't meet you halfway. In a relationship, sometimes sacrifices are necessary. Maybe you can offer to drive with her to see her family and friends on the weekends for awhile, so that she can see that moving away does not mean complete alienation from the people that she loves.
2007-04-17 11:32:54 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is playing a mental trip on you, and it is disgusting. She is a control freak and you have probably set it is that she gets whatever she wants. That will stop now. You see, if you marry she won't be working anyway, and will most likely have children. But she wants Mommy and relatives nearby, her social circle, while you do all the concessions, work until you drop each day,, and are miserable.
Ask her: Are you willing to live where I work so that we can marry and have a family? If she hesitates, disagrees, etc. she is bad news for you. Listen, no marriage is worth killing yourself over, are talking about a huge gas bill each day, wear and tear on a car, and wear and tear on you with 4 hours oif not more travel each day.. She apparently doesn;t care about your well-being because her Highness expects you WILL marry her and meet her demands.
Call her bluff., Be unavailable see her if she does not agree without any strings to move close to where you live, no more than ten miles away, and that doesn't mean half way. You can;t sell the business and that is where you work. She is unreasonable and simpleminded or else a ***** with a plastered smile.
Any available woman would grab you in a month on match.com.
2007-04-17 11:46:25 · answer #3 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should both discuss this in depth before making a decision. Explain to her why it would be more highly unreasonable for you to move to her than vice versa. I would LOVE to live at home near my friends and family, but I also know that my husband would be miserable there, so we compromised on a place where we both feel comfortable. If her family and friends is the only thing holding her back, yes, she is being selfish. Also is she if she is of the thinking that "He should change for ME, not me for HIM." 80 miles? Come on. That's like 1 1/2 hours. You're telling me her family and friends can't drive that far to visit every so often, and she to drive there also? It makes much more sense to do that than for you to drive 1 1/2 hours every single day. And imagine if there were some emergency at work that you needed to handle? I'm sure that she will have less emergencies with her kids where she must be there right away. Otherwise, you could try to live in between, but it would still be 45 minutes each for both of you. I would say that, based on this info solely, she would need to be the one to move.
2007-04-17 11:27:38 · answer #4 · answered by It's Just My Opinion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As of right now no I do not feel that you should marry her. Try to work this out with her at first. Why dont you guys move like half way between so that she is still kinda close to her family and friends and work and you are to. This way you both drive 40 miles to work and home and she can still see her family and friends alot. This way you are both giving and being fair. Compromise and meeting in the middle is the answer here i feel. Good luck to you and this is how i would handle it if i were you.
2007-04-17 11:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends and family 80 miles away isn't so bad. Too far to commute, for sure, but not too far for social stuff. If she can't compromise on this then it doesn't say good things about your future. Make it an issue and see how it plays out. Don't get married if you guys can't even deal with something like this.
2007-04-17 11:33:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that there shoudln't be a problem in getting married and I do agree that you guys should live together but I think that she is not putting the important things first which is the person that she loves. I think that if she loves you and wants to get married to you then that should not come between you guys.
I moved very far from my family when I got married to be with my husband because of the distance that he works and also so that we could be away from the parents. I mean I love him and home is where ever he is.
2007-04-17 11:24:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently your girlfriend is still too attached to her family to consider making a new one with you. When my husband and I married, we moved over 600 miles away!!! My family and friends plan trips to visit and so does his. If you commute, you will hardly have time for each other and when you do, you will be exhausted. It certainly would be so much easier for her to relocate. I hope she comes around for you.
2007-04-17 11:29:29 · answer #8 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
both of u are selfish.
sorry )=
if u 2 were truly in love; hands down she would come with u or the other way around, u would stay with her and quit ur job.
sorry but u guys arent reallly n love if u arent willing 2 give up things for eachother!!!!
2007-04-17 11:22:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is selfish, she can visit family and friends whenever, but u need the job to support yalls home once u guys get married.
2007-04-17 11:26:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋