Whenever people try to get close to me, I push them away. I feel like I most push them away so they don't have a chance to push me away... how could such a maladaptive behavioral pattern develop? What could have possibly went wrong in my life to cause me to adopt this pattern?
2007-04-17 11:03:43 · 6 answers · asked by ssmith 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Well I'll tell you how I got that way...
From being abandoned at a young age over and over again lied to and mistreated by the two people in my life who were supposed to make me feel safe and secure... They did anything and everything but...
I have this psychological theory in life. I believe that people reinact their relationships and scenerios that they had with their siblings and family members with others in their life in the workplace and in their own adult lives to try and teach themselves to make sense of them... especially if they were bad.
I behave with many people and treat them with the same general disrespect and disdain, aloofness and make attempts to seperate myself from people just like I did when I was a child with my siblings... It is a survival thing...
I also believe that we subconsciously attract people like them into our lives as a kind of workpage for you to rehash it over and over again until you learn to either make it better or relive it forever vicariously through everyone else...
at least in my experience anyway? I don't know about you?
2007-04-17 11:25:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it could stem from early childhood events. Such as moving at a critical age where socializing would be necessary to not becoming a hermit. It could also be people have hurt you one to many time and you can only see it subconsciously? I think you should find things you enjoy doing, and do them alone, and one day while doing that you will most likely find someone with the same interest and it will draw them to you. Like for example, I co camping in the mountains alone all the time, and one day I ran into a girl on the top of Mount Robson, and we have been great friends ever since.
2007-04-17 11:14:15 · answer #2 · answered by weisse_rakete 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can you think of anything that has happened in your past that would lead to the development of this type of behaviour? or is that a behaviour that you have seen modelled by members of your family?
i wouldn't say it is maladaptive. i think it's more a defense mechanism. you are protecting yourself from getting hurt by others. have you been in any kind of relationship, (friendship, dating, family), where you have totally trusted someone and then found out you were used or lied to?
even if you can't think of any cause to this it could be explained by you just really really really being extremely scared about getting hurt. perhaps you like to be in control of things? you can't control the actions and thoughts of other people and maybe you worry that you will get hurt by someone and that would be something you cannot control. so by not even letting yourself get close to someone, and opening yourself up and being vulnerable, you are not giving anyone a chance to hurt you. that is how you control what happens.
i don't know if that last part made any sense. hopefully something i said might have helped or triggered thoughts within yourself. i'm really tired so brain isn't operating at 100%!
2007-04-17 11:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by kittycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a much better position to answer that than strangers who are guessing. If you truly want to find out, go to a certified mental health worker and h/she will help lead you to find your answer yourself!! It's well worth it!! Good Luck!!
2007-04-17 11:34:36 · answer #4 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Someone in your life, very important to you, left you..... Somehow, either, death, friend moved away, boy/girl friend moved on etc.
Give it some thought...
2007-04-17 11:12:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you afraid that if they get to close that you might loose them??
2007-04-17 11:09:38 · answer #6 · answered by Granny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋