cheatind husband?

Question

my husband cheated on me i am willing to try and work things out we have 3 kids but he says he needs time to deal with what he has done and cant look me in the face what should i do or how much should i let him take

Answer 1

None, you shouldn't have even tried to work it out. The best you can do is marriage counseling, but he cheated, he betrayed your trust.

Answer 2

Let me start by saying that this is a mans view. Let me also say that I have seen enough people in life to say the below, for I have seen it proven true. While I feel badly for you being cheated upon, I have also seen many mates who just about force the other spouse to cheat on them. Basically what I am telling you is that you will have to really look and see if you are a victim or an accomplice.

Whether you take him back or not is up to you. I think you should take some time and decide if you really want this to work out and then you should sit and honestly look to see if you played a legitimate part in his cheating too. Yes, I am serious about that. You should take a long, hard, realistic look at yourself, at him and at your marriage. Be honest with yourself. A lot of people never want to see just how much responsibility they have for the way things go in marriage and that is a shame. Anyone who says that cheating isnt at times the result of how the spouse acts is a dope and a liar. It doesnt make it any more right or acceptable, but one must be realistic.

Maybe he is taking his time because he is not sure what he wants to do. We have no idea why he cheated therefore we dont know what he has to think on. Maybe he is just playing the game of time and trying to get the advantage. Maybe he is trying to play you.

It is a good sign that he is ashamed. But was he caught or did he own up without being caught. It is far easier to be ashamed when you got nailed.

You will get a lot of people who answer out of anger for what they experienced in marriage. Dont let them cause you to fight there demons or deal with their hurts from the past. You have to live with the decisions you make. None of us do. You also know how you have acted and we dont. You know what he has been like and we dont. And we dont have to deal with any of those things or the final outcome past a point, of what you two decide.

Answer 3

Let your husband know that you have forgiven him whole heartedly and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship. Let him know that everything is in the past and you two should focus on the future. Topics of his infidelity should not be brought up again except during couple counseling. And you two should definitely go. If anyone close to you brings up the topic, calmly stops him/her and tell him/her you guys are working it out and that you appreciate his/her concern. Continue to show love and respect for your husband, especially in the presence of your children. Make it very clear that you want things to work and not torment him for the rest of his life. The question is very simple, does he want this to work as well? Yes or No. Not maybe. If he is still confused, the situation might be beyond your control. It’s time to move on.

Answer 4

Your husband wants to deal with what he has done, allow him this opportunity without pushing him and certainly without getting yourself together.

Your husband was the one who made the mistake that has caused the pain in your life. Since he cannot look you in the face, you need to get yourself together to be a stronger woman for yourself and for your kids.

Even when your husband can look you in the face, how long will it be before you begin to trust him again? How long will it be before he decided to cheat again? I know that everyone deserves a second chance but while he's taking time to deal with what he had done, you need to take time to make you a better person so when he does come back, you can have self esteem about yourself without taking any crap from him...

Answer 5

Personally i think, not looking you in the eye is plain simple guilt.
As far as him saying he needs time to deal with what he's done.. well he should be making every effort to make your marriage work, after what HE'S done.

I would suggest you both go to councilling straight away, betrayal is a huge thing to get over, all women are different, we think about our children, our lives and so many other aspects, i agree with others in saying don't stay for the children.

You didn't mention if you are still living in the same home or not, if not and he needs time... i wouldn't tolerate that.

Good luck and follow your heart and listen to you instincts.

Answer 6

I am so sorry that you must deal with this immature husband but he has given you no option. You are a mother who deserves respect and love without the worries of infidelity. Please see a counselor and get professional help to work out your anger and feelings of mistrust. Ask you husband to join you and then and only then start to discuss this issue in the presence of someone who can give each of you a chance to work this issue out. This is a serious problem that can't be solved overnight and you shouldn't want it to be your problem, alone, to solve. He owes you a better life than shifty-ed looks and half apologies. Best to you!

Answer 7

This is a tough one. Just don't hold this against him for the rest of your time together since you've already said that your willing to work things out. At times, things can get really tough, but just keep your head up. Be strong, and don't let your children see you down and out. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Sorry that he cheated on you...

I need to ask a tough question. Was he happy with your sex life? if not... he will continue to cheat if your sex life does not improve. Most men who cheat simply want good sex. They prefer it with their wife, but many men go looking after realizing that they have been taken to the cleaners... they provide an income and fix the house but sex is on the wifes terms...

I recently talked to a woman who was tired and didn't have enough left in her at the end of the day to 'please' her man. After her hubby left for a woman who would have sex... I asked her if doing the dishes was as important in retrospect and she cried. She wished she could go back and put her husbands needs a little higher on the priority list. Not providing sex is just as much infidelity as doing it with someone else. It's like a lie of omission.

Answer 9

He's so done. My ex wife did the same. As soon as I saw she couldn't look me in the eye, I knew it was over. I was nice to her for as long as she stayed in the house, but after I filed, I gave her an out date and made her pay half the bills till she left. She left a few months before the out date. I never said anything mean never got mad. Figured that would be the final blow, her thinking back, wow he was such a nice person. Plus in the end you have to live with you and who you , so make sure you do what makes you feel good. Good Luck

Answer 10

HE says HE needs time to deal with what HES done? Oh bullsh*t. U r the one who was sh*t on. Not him. He is selfish. Dont put up with this behavior. Tell him he needs to straighten up and stop milking the dang thing. If you are able to move on, then what is the problem?
U tell him to get his act together and be a husband and father and stop making it sound like he needs to heal. Ur the one who needs to heal.
He dont sound worth a fiddle to me.
I wish u luck hun.
So sorry u had to go through this. And sorry to be so harsh, but he is a puss. He is still thinking of himself and not u. Its pathetic.

Answer 11

Leave him. Now. For you AND your kids. He is a piece of **** and doesn't deserve you-he's only going to keep cheating on you, especially since he doesn't even seem apologetic or very willing to work things out.