I have been trying to get pregnate. I have always wanted a baby and my husband seems to be more excited then i am! lol Heres my concern.. I love my husband but still have a few trust issues.. he has just resently cleaned himself up.. he was heavely into drugs and has only been clean for 6months now.. we are still dealing with NA meetings and people who judge him and also myself (have never taken drugs) because of his past decisions..Im just not sure if its really the right timing for HIM and also if its selfish of us to concive? he wants a baby and knows that i will not tolorate any of this when we do have one.. i know babys change people and i think it might help him grow up a little more.. i just dont want to be selfish ...any opinions?
2007-04-17 09:40:48 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Let me say that I DO support him or i would not be with him.. I love him and have always been one to say i would not tolorate druge.. i guess your priorities change when you love someone..yet we have family and friends that do not support him and past ill judgement.. just wanted to clarify this!
2007-04-17 10:31:10 · update #1
Just be careful, addiction is a hard thing to overcome. And it takes a lifetime....not just 6 months. This is something he will have to deal with for the rest of his life. Just pray about it, and you should find some answers.....
2007-04-17 09:46:03 · answer #1 · answered by kat70359 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first thing I will say, is if anyone in NA is judging him they aren't working the program. I am a recovering drug addict and will have 2 years clean soon. NA is what has kept me clean. I think you may want to try Nar-Anon meetings. Or Al-Anon. Shoot, go to a meeting with him and support him. More than likely he's not being judged. It's probably you judging him, or you feeling like you are being judged. You should be grateful that your husband has gone 6 months without using. It's a miracle. Probably something you could never understand. It doesn't seem like you support him much the way you talk about it. Maybe you have reasons not to, but he has way more than you that he's dealing with. He did have a life before you came into the picture. Be patient with him and have some faith that ya'll will make it through. Wow.
Anyway, I have 2 children and 1 on the way. God decided it was time for me to have another one. I try to live God's Will today. Not my own.
You may be wanting to concieve to have the unconditional love that you were expecting from your husband. That would be selfish. But God won't let you have kids if He doesn't think you are ready.
PRAY not only for yourself but for your husband too. I'm not trying to sound rude but this is obviously a very sensitive subject for me. I hope I have helped in some way.
2007-04-17 16:55:46 · answer #2 · answered by thezookeeper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! i could've written exactly what you just wrote!! I am going through the same thing with my husband right now! Well here is my advice and maybe its not the best, but this is how my hubby and I are looking at it: you're right a baby does change people, so me and the hubby decided that we're going to try for one. It will give us both something to focus on and its a lot of responsibility so it will help with keeping him clean. He wants to do good and having a baby will give him all the more reason to stay clean so he can be there and take care of his child. I hope everything works out for you both. Good luck!!!
2007-04-17 17:13:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your situation and you have every right to be concerned. My sister went through the same thing with her ex. They have three kids. He promised and promised to stay clean, but it never stuck. She was working full time to support the kids and the final straw was when he stole her credit card and went on a two-day, $1000 binge after checking out of rehab.
However, he had never been clean for 6 months. It sounds like he is on the right track, but if you think it is too soon, you are probably right. You don't want to deal with a relapse around your baby. I would see if he makes it to the 1 yr mark. Then, he is more likely to stay with it. Keep in mind, this is something that will always be a temptation for him, so the two of you will need to set some ground rules of protection for him (ways to protect him from temptation). Good luck! I wish you the best!
2007-04-17 16:48:48 · answer #4 · answered by e_imommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Raising a child it is a chalange! And im my personal opinion you can begining one chalange before finish other. Have a baby it is a decision to take not because your partner pression you on it. Also it is medical comproved that people who was in have drug use(even if it was the man) can have more chance of have some mental or fisicalchalange baby. Your love one have to be at least 1 clean with no use of any drugs. Again in my personal opinion I think you and your love one should for now concetrade in his "healing process" and then decide about have or not a child.
Good lucky to you guys! It is take a lot courage to say No or stop drug use.Congratulation for the wise decision!
2007-04-17 16:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I first want to say congratulaions on your husband being clean for 6 months. That in it's self is a huge thing. But don't bring a baby into your family if your not sure you are ready. And you have to be prepared just in case your husband is to relapse. Do you want to be in the situation with a baby? It's a big desision that shouldn't be taken lightly. But no one has the right to say that you can't have a baby. It's your choose. I wish you all the best. Good luck with your family.
2007-04-17 16:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by red_s0cks_suck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wonderful that he has taken the initiative to get clean. He needs to be praised for that.
You would be amaized at how people change when they have a child. That love can help you to overcome so many obsicals.
Continue to be the suportive wife that you have been. Be sure that he knows that when weakness happens (and it does) that you will handle it together.
The first year after giving birth is one of the best/worst for couples. Its hard, it takes getting used. Continuing to attend NA meetings for maintanance will greatly decrease the liklehood of a relaps during this time.
Good luck!
2007-04-17 16:50:07 · answer #7 · answered by buggerhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me babies dont change people he have to change. No I dont think you are selfish you just want things to be right before having a baby. Its great that you are supporting him but waiting is good. It will give you all time to get through this first then try. But if you feel that you are ready go for it it all depends on you.
I hope this helps
2007-04-20 23:22:50 · answer #8 · answered by lovely 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct on saying that babies really make you grow up, but a child deserves to be in a stable home with parents that are on the right track on life. It sounds like your husband needs to finish his meetings and get a career going before thinking about having a child. You as his wife should be able to explain to him your thoughts on wanting to wait. Good luck to you and also to your husband. Drug addiction is a tough thing to get over but people do it everyday!
2007-04-17 16:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by Kaley H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you. A child will not change him. You may end up raising your child by yourself. Drugs are a pretty self centered issue. Only the Lord can change people. It is necessary that the heart be changed. NA meetings don't do that. What changing is done - is done by the Lord.
2007-04-17 17:17:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe you should wait another six months. See that he is serious about turning his life around, and then proceed. You don't want to bring a child into the world and have to divorce the daddy because he's a bad influence. Just wait a while longer. That's what I think anyway. Good luck!
2007-04-17 16:44:01 · answer #11 · answered by Stephene 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋