i have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 he is almost 26 years old years he is not honest with me or my or his family he does not help me pay our bills maybe still involved in drugs my family does not care for him and his parents are fed up with him he always wants money from them and he is old enough to take care of himself. When we first met he was so sweet and he still is, he would do anything for me but i dont know if i want to live like this or if he will ever change if he hasnt by now. do i leave or try to fix things again?
2007-04-17 09:15:43 · 16 answers · asked by stephanie danielle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It may be hard for you to admit, but you already know the answer to your question - you don't need us to tell you what to do. You've lived this life for over 4 years now and you're NOT happy. Yes, he may be sweet, but would he really do "anything for you"? If he would, he would be helping out with bills, get off the dope and get his act together - HE is his #1 priority, not you. Its about time, you made yourself the #1 priority in your own life and move on.
2007-04-17 09:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a general rule of thumb, people will not change for you. No matter how much you love them and care for them; they will not change.
You two are living together, he doesn't help to pay the bills, possibly involved with drugs (still), parents are fed up with him, always wants money, 26 years old and hasn't proposed
in the 4 1/2 years you've been together.
I'll start by saying this.. it's going to be hard either way, but one way is definitely going to be better for you; you already know which way i'm talking about. You will.. end up paying his bills for the rest of your lives together. If you have kids.. #1 He won't be a good influence for them and #2 He's not going to pay the bills for them either. You will end up with a dead beat dad.
Now I do believe that everyone can change their life. But they are the only ones that can do it. They have to want to and they have to actually do it. The hard fact of this is that he's been with you for 4 1/2 years and he hasn't done it.. not for you and not for him.
I think it's time you found a man and not a boy; someone who will love you, take care of you, respect you, and respect himself. You need a real man.
Be glad that you still have this chance and take it while you can. Good luck, God bless.
2007-04-18 23:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by archer6k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say that I think it may be a little late to fix things. From what you wrote it sounds like even his own family is fed up with him so I am sure they would understand why you would leave the relationship. If he is involved with drugs nothing will change, in fact probably only get worse. If you love him have you thought about telling him that he needs to go get help or you are going to leave? Or better yet, leave and then if he wants you to come back tell him he has to get help first and prove that he is done with the drugs and is responsible enough to hold down a job and pay bills, etc... Personally I would just tell him that he needs to go seek help and get out of the relationship altogether. You deserve a better life than what he is giving you.
2007-04-17 17:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were you i would leave him and move on with my life. I do not feel he is going to change and that he needs alot of help. You can do much better in your life then him hon. I dont think he will ever change and if he does it will be a miracle. Good luck to you. If however you want to stay and try to work things out with him then i highly suggest couples counseling to do so or this will not work at all.
2007-04-17 16:22:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you may have to put him to the test. explain to him how you feel about him and you want him to start makin some changes or you will leave him. if he loves you like he says he does he will change to better himself and make you happy. if he doesnt then it wasnt real to begin with and he doesnt care about where he will end up in life. i was in your same position and i explained to my boyfriend how i felt about him not havin a job, and doin drugs. and he changed and now has a steady job and him changin for himself and me prooved that he loved me and it was real.
well GOOD LUCK!
2007-04-17 16:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he doesn't make an effort to change his ways then your relationship is over because do you really want to stay with someone that does nothing but lies to you and everyone else he knows. Your only going to keep being dragged down by him if you continue to keep putting up with this crap.
2007-04-17 16:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by Momof1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fix what? You can't fix him. He has to take the initiative to change his ways himself. The problem here is people around him keep enabling him to act this way. In a way, they are supporting his irresponsible habits. Don't be part of that.
2007-04-17 16:25:04 · answer #7 · answered by Maricel S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot fix him. At 26, he still has no direction, is a possible drug user, a liar, and irresponsible all around. He is a loser and you would do well to lose him fast.
2007-04-17 16:35:33 · answer #8 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say it but a person developes their full personality by their early twenties and sometimes late teens, you can leave or you can accept that you will always be fixing things and basically living with a bum (no offence)
2007-04-17 16:25:40 · answer #9 · answered by diablo_gjones 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to move on-
esp when his own family
doesn't even want to deal with him.
You can only save people that
want to save themselves.
Otherwise, you run the risk
of being dragged down with them.
Good Luck!
2007-04-17 16:26:01 · answer #10 · answered by DG 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋