my daughter is on her own for the 1st time.shes 34 but after moving out from me,she went directly to her place

Question

when she married so,this is her 1st experience being alone.she has 2 kids which they both split custody with them.I think shes afraid of being on her alone,I am living with her til the end of this month and them Im back in california,then she is moving in with a girl who has 3 kids.To me,this spells disaster but who am I to get invlovedIm not sneaking around but did find a napkin with writing on it so,I read it.who knew that personal stuff would be on a jack in the box napkin all raveled up.On it had written ups and downs.Under the downs it said things like selfish,inconsiderate,liar and about 5 more discribing words as such.On the other side said up...good sex,fun,filling a void.I think this is the clown that she left her husband for but he wasnt a price either.Should I say somehting to her.She was always very organized and seemed to have always made good decissions,not so nowShould I leave it alone and go?she doesnt talk to me like she used too.we always were so close.

Answer 1

Understand that we as human were never met to leave the house to be on our own. This misconcept has been distorying families since the great depress and even before it. You said it yourself, she use to be very organized and seem to have always made good decissions, well now she's doing it for herself, not for you guys, any more. She lost her moral compass, she lost her Master-of-life, she lost her mom. Yea you call her, yea you snoop in her life, yea your there if she asks you, but doesn't this seem wrong? Didn't you guys use to be best friends? Didn't you guys use to share everything? If you had a good relationship I would bet you did. But at some point, thanks to society!, you wash'd her hands or her, because she wash'd her hands of you. Now welcome to the fall out... it was never met to be this way, and it takes so pretty selfish, uncaring people, to make it work. I mean come on was she suppose to find a great man, live a life spereate of you and only really visit you when its time to ship you off to the old-folks home? Don't you remember hearing of a time were you work'd on grandfathers farm tell he kild over and died then the father picked up the slack? We've been perversing the family now for so, so long. We been sending our daughters off to get married off since, shoot christianity, destorying all their home ties and forcing them to accept a relationsip that wasn't even based on love, but was accually set up... you have to understand your dealing with an issue that is global in scale, a problem that cross boundries of race, wealth, and location. And your letting that problem run you and her life. What the father wash'd his hands to? What the dad was his hands also? Did you really believe that kids are just a 20 year commentment? Does it feel like it? You've lost your little girl to the world, and in alot of ways, you most feel lost yourself... its not fair and the only way your going to fix this problem is to began to actual make a relationship with her that isn't based on what you think is good just for her, think about whats good for all of you. You've got grandkiddos their, you've got your daughter their, and your just going to let the world swallow them up again? Your just going to make her go at it all alone? Who is suppose to care about her more then you? That man that left her? Time to change your preception from what society says is right, to what you feel is right... or else face it your going to loss her completely. Watch the sitcoms, shoot judging amy does a great job of showing this problem, and see how it is, not how they say it should be.... theres so much more to say about this, it runs so deep, but its about society taking away are right to show are kids unconditional love, now we have conditions.... move out and get your own life.... is that a good condition for love? Should love have a condition and still be unconditional? Sorry I know your mom did the same to you, did it feel right? Did it really make you a stronger person? Did it really help you grow up or did you feel just like your little girl did? Lost and confused and grasping for breath? Were FAMILYS, not just individuals, when we loss that we loss so much, well take anything to fill that void.... could you relate?

Answer 2

She's 34 and needs to be allowed to make her own mistakes and to grow up.

You can encourage her to get some counseling, offer to pay for it, if you are able. She needs a boost to her self-esteem. There are a ton of self-help books out there:

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken : The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy, by Greg Behrendt
Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher
Olive Juice...and Other Thoughts on Love, Heartbreak and Moving Forward by Eric Champnella

Answer 3

circulate the %. and play into her mattress room and make the transition slowly, yet continuously. start up with naps then bypass in each and every time she wakes united statescontained in the midsection of night to reassure her. perchance she does not like the mattress. make confident she has the same blankets and whatnots interior the crib that are interior the %. and play. in simple terms be consistent and make the transition sluggish. it is going to artwork, i've got accomplished it thrice! reliable success.