Serious Question? Here is what happened, I was checking my email account, and there was an email from super 8

Question

I opened it up and it was address to my husband (we do not share an email account) It them was asking him to fill out a satisfactory questionair.. When stated that he arrived at 11:30PM (4/10/07), and checked out 11:30 am (4/11/07). At first I was like what the hell is this, and why is it being sent to me! Then everything just started running through my head. So I called the Super 8 and said that me and my husband stayed there a few or so days again, and it was for a business purpose, and we lost our receit, could she fax it to me. I just wanted to make sure that it was really him, and it turns out that it was. I don't know what to do...Our one year anv. is comming up next month.. and he always told me that he would never cheat on me ( and that he had never cheated on any of his gf) that he watched his parents riped apart because of cheating, and his past gf did it to him, and he sees the hurt that it can cause. I have the recite for proof. WHAT DO I DO HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!

The night that he checked in at 11:30, to my knowledge he had fallen asleep on the couch (I went to bed), he got back in bed at 6:00 the next morning. He have been getting along just fine (so I thought). He runs his own busniess (works with Dairy Farmers) so sets his own schedule. The motel is 10 mins. away from our home. I just can't think of a reason why he would need a room, and at 11:30PM, and he would have to of left the house! I don't even know how whoever got my email address, I know he wouldn't have been stupid enough to give it out (I don't think he would even remember it). All I know is that I am so lost and my heart is breaking...

Answer 1

Wow. I first want to say I am so sorry that this has happend to you. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to find out your spouse has (possibly but probably) been unfaithful to you.

First things first. Please take a deep breath. You mentioned the date that your husband was there. Do you remember his reasons for not being home with you? Was it business? Did you have an argument and he stormed out? If his reasons were shady, try not to torture yourself by either trying to guess whether he was alone, or what he and a possible other person did for 12 hours at a Super 8. Just concentrate on what you will say exactly when you confront him (and you MUST confront him, receipt in hand and demand he fess up and not lie). Hear what he has to say. Hopefully he will be honest once he realizes how hurt you are.

Where you and your husband go from there is up to the both of you. Counceling, better communication, more quality time with each other may help in some immediate areas, though what caused your spouse to spend a night at a Super 8 with someone else is anyone's guess.

Do you have any people in your life that you can confide in? If so, please get support from those around you who care about your well being. You need support right now and if you have none, there are always support groups or individual counselors who specialize in this area.

Whatever you do, good luck and feel free to email me if you'd like to talk.

Answer 2

First of all, take a deep breath and calm yourself! Does your husband take regular business trips? If so, he stays at different motels regularly, right? Are you sure there was even a women in the hotel at all? Did the hotel desk just assume there was a women with him? Before you make yourself ill with the wrong assumptions, or accuse without all the facts, think this out, do some more research, ask yourself some questions, has he lied to you before? Has he given any reason to doubt his where abouts? Has your sexual relationship changed dramatically? Has he hinted about being unhappy in the marriage? Are you happy in this marriage? Does he make you feel loved and secure in the relationship? All these questions could be factors in this situation. If the findings are, he's being untrue, you'll have decisions to make and roads to choose. Just remember this - Be true to yourself, don't settle for second best, you deserve happiness and love in a relationship, and above all, trust and loyalty, if your not recieving them, keep your dignity, your pride and your self worth in tact, and move on!!

Answer 3

Do you know if he was there with someone, or are you jumping to that conclusion? Is there no other explanation for his being there?

I think you should ask him, but don't go in with the attitude of "I gotcha!" Ask if he had rented a motel room recently and let him explain. If you have a gut feeling that he's not being honest, ask again and then a third time. It will feel a bit awkward, and he'll ask why you keep asking, but there are studies that show that most people seem to have to come clean when asked a third time (yeah, I know, weird, but I've tried it several times and it seems to work). If he persists then show him that you know he had rented a motel room and ask why. You will most likely get the whole story then, if he hasn't shared it with you already.

You have to do this in person, you must be able to see his face, so not over the phone. It will lose all it's power and effect over the phone.

Answer 4

I can totally understand why you are frieking out- ask him about the email, without letting him know you have confirmation that it was him (the reciept) See what he says. If he's lying to you, you'll know. I hope this is not what it seems to be. I cant think of what else it could be, but maybe there's a good explanation. Go into the motel and tell them you think someone stole your credit card, and you need to know all you can about the transaction in question. Hopefully you can speak to whoever was working that night, most people will be more informative than you'd expect, if you go talk to them in person, and "confide" in them that you suspect infidelity, and then ask that worker who your husband was with.

Answer 5

First off I have to ask why wasn't he home to begin with, what was his reason for leaving? Second off he is stupid unless he wanted to be caught to give your email address. Third off I would confront him just like everyone else said, but I would sit down and talk to him about the whole thing, also I would listen to everything he has to say. If he can't look you straight in the eyes when he is talking to you he is lying for sure. If he is not cheating on you then maybe he just needed a night to himself to think about thinks, I don't know if you guys have been in a fight or anything but if so he could have been thinking about that and trying to figure things out in his head. I hope you find out what is going on and I hope you find out the truth, good luck.

Answer 6

I'm with kitty on this. I must be missing something in your details. Why can't it just be that he stayed overnight for business purposes? And why would he give them your email address? That part is really weird.

I'm trying to think why this is raising such flags for you...

Wait, is this a hotel that's in your home town? If so, then I can see the cause for concern.

All I can say is ask him about it. If he's been cheating, then it's best to know it now so you can make some hard decisions about what to do next. But first you've got to arm yourself with information.

Good luck

Answer 7

You don't say if he was home that night or not. If he wasn't didn't you notice? If he was, well that settles that. Is it possible he lent his credit card to someone who needed a room? I would just say that you got this email and asked them to send you the receipt and you need to know if you should pay the bill or not. Don't be angry, handle it just as you would any charge that you wouldn't expect to see. See what he says.
Many years ago my big brawny truck driver of a husband lost a Bloomingdales credit card, a charge on it was for $140 in makeup. The idiot on the other end tried to tell me my husband was using it for himself! It took three phone calls before the charge was removed, and I had to send a copy of his time card proving he was at work when the purchases were made. So it may just be nothing.

Answer 8

What you need to do is take that receipt and put it in an anniversary card and give it to him. You know now for sure that the train left the tracks on April 10th and now you need to decide if you are going to stay or go. First thing you need to do is let him know you know and that arguing is futile. If you want to work it out, you need to be sure that you can forgive and not hold that over his head, but you also need to make sure that he knows forgiveness is a one time thing. I could not forgive it and I would just put the receipt in a card, invite the family and friends over for a nice one year supper and when we were all around the table ready to eat, I would give the card and wait for the color to bleed from his face right before I said, "You cheating ho, I want a divorce!" But you may not be that vindictive, I am...

Answer 9

Ok, if I was on your shoes this is what I would do:

1. Confront him
2. If hubby says its a business trip then ask their office for proofs and ask who he was with that time.
3. Get intouch with the girl that he was with and interogate them both.
4. Call the Super 8 and let them describe how the girl looks like and ask for other hotel ammenities that they've availed (look something that might be suspicious like spa for two etc...room service with champagne...)
5. Look into his credit card statements and look for some weird expenses that was made.

lastly...whatever the outcome of your investigation, be brave enough to face it. It's better than ignoring the facts and be blinded about the whole truth.

Answer 10

Talk to him. Can you remember him telling you where he was during that time eg late working in office etc? You could have asked the Super8 people how they got your email address and if there was someone with your husband (if you had not lied already)....but this info could have helped before you talked to him. Did he actually plan this so you could find out?? Something is missing. Hope nothing is wrong though. Best.